Losing Him Was Blue!

“Out,” Lucias voice sounded in my ears from her crib on the other side of the room. I opened one of my eyes and looked at her, holding onto the bars. “Lucia wants out,” I moved to the alarm clock sitting on my end table, noting 730 in bright red.

“Are you kidding me, Loosh, honestly?” I rolled over onto my back and looked to the ceiling. She kept screaming to be let out. When people say ‘you miss days you sleep in,’ believe me, they mean it. I haven’t legit slept past 9am in the longest time. I pulled off my covers and climbed out of bed, making my way over to her crib.

She sat down and looked up at me, with her deep brown eyes. I put the bar down and lifted her out, setting her on the ground. I always kept my door shut, just incase Lucia found her way out of the crib in the middle of the night.

My room was right off the stairs, so Lucia could easily tumble down them. “We’ll get dressed and go down for breakfast,” She hurried to a tiny pink dresser in the corner of the room and began going through the drawers.

I grabbed a simple black and pink strapless dress off a hanger and pulled it up, letting my hair out and slipping simple sandals on my feet. Lucia wasn’t exactly able to get dressed herself, but she picked out a pair of blue overalls and a white t-shirt.

I got her dressed, brushed out her hair and carried her down the stairs.

“Have you told her?” I heard Carrie’s voice. Loud, obnoxious, some things never change.

I took my time circling the pillar separating the living room where I was, to the kitchen at the breakfast bar where they were. I could just see the back of her, in a black blazer and blue jeans with red heels on her feet. “Eric, your daughter needs to know,”

“Carrie, what my daughter needs to and doesn’t need to know, is my business,” He sighed. “I’ll tell her when the time is right,”
“Dad,” I quickly circled the pillar, my sandals making a sucking sound every time I walked.

Lucia was barefoot, which is what she preferred. Sidney hated wearing shoes or socks of any sort, so that’s where she got that from. “Good morning,” I set Lucia in her little high chair and moved to the counter to make coffee. What were they talking about?

“Morning sweetie,” Dad patted Lucia’s hair. Carrie observed his actions, with a rather disgusted look. If she doesn’t like him associating with a toddler, than she might as well forget having a baby with him. “How’d you two sleep?”

“Great,” I grabbed down a bowl and put some cheerios into it and set it in front of Lucia. She wasn’t at the milk stage yet, so plain cheerios were great, besides, she liked to play in the milk and I’d rather not clean up after her. I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down on the other side of Lucia, beside Carrie.

Carrie, of course, hasn’t changed a bit. She had the same dark, curly hair, big green eyes and blood red lips as she did before.
Dad observed just my coffee out in front of me and arched an eyebrow. “Emily, your mother told me you were Hypoglycemic, so if you think you can get away from not eating here, you are mistaken,” Oh geez.

“Dad,” I put my hands up. “I’m not hungry right now, I’ve had Hypoglycemia for almost four years now; I understand my symptoms,”

“You really shouldn’t mess around with Hypoglycemia,” Carrie cut in. Dad and I turned to her. Lucia was busy eating her Cheerios. “I’ve read about it, you can die from not eating,”

“Actually princess,” I cut her off. “If I don’t eat, and ignore my symptoms, I can fall into a diabetic coma, which is just my blood sugar going down to far and my liver not being able to produce enough glucose to make up for it,” I patted her hand, she abruptly pulled her hand away from me and turned to my father. “I am not diabetic, I am not on insulin. I have the Reactive form of it, which basically means, do the right stuff now and I wont be diabetic later on,”

“Whatever,” Carrie grabbed her coffee mug and headed over to the sink, where she discarded it. Dad stood up and grabbed his briefcase off the ground.

“Well ladies,” He ruffled Lucia’s hair and walked around the breakfast bar, to the front door. Carrie and I watched him closely. “I am off,” He rested his hand on the doorknob.

“I won’t be to long,” I turned my head and gagged when Carrie kissed him before he left. Once the door was shut, Carrie gave me a disgusted look and disappeared past me out on the patio. Doesn’t she work?

Once Lucia was done eating and I had a Belvita breakfast bar out of the cupboard, we made our way back upstairs.

I told my Dad before I planned to go visit Claude next week, before I would probably never see him for weeks—that I’d organize my room and get everything put away.

I had a mat on the floor with some toys for Lucia to keep her occupied while I went through some of the boxes I dropped off here before I left to Sweden.

It still amazes me to this day, that I left everything I knew in Buffalo and flew back to Sweden and more so, that I pulled it off without anyone figuring it out.

I found clothes I hadn’t seen in years, smelling like the inside of a cardboard box, that I stuffed into my laundry hamper and moved on to the other things in the box that I could see. My heart clenched up tightly in my chest when I lifted out a framed picture of Sid and I. I missed him so much.

Maybe I did really love him back. I set it aside on the ground and moved to another box.

I was thinking seriously about going back to Buffalo… But, I didn’t know how to react if I ever seen Layla or Jake. What could I say? What would they say? What would they say when they see Lucia? How would they react?

All these thoughts ran through my mind. I wanted to tell Sid that he had a daughter, but I’ve held this secret for so long now that it just seemed easier to go on the way that it was.

Carrie knocked on the door and slowly opened it, stepping into my room. Lucia moved from the blanket to the picture and stared at it. I glanced from more clothes to her standing beside Lucia’s crib.

“What?” I was not pleased with the idea of being left with Carrie, like she was my Mother. If she actually thinks I am going to listen to her like she’s my Mother, she is sadly mistaken.

“Your father told me that you were going to see your ‘boyfriend’,” She air quoted the word ‘boyfriend’ like he was some kind of fuck buddy I had lying around.

I sucked in a deep, calming breath. “I know he’s not the father of your little gem here,” She motioned towards Lucia sitting on the mat, with the picture in her hands.

“And, what’s the point of this little conversation were having?” I snapped. “Yes, Claude isn’t Lucia’s father, but unlike you, I wasn’t going to go stomp around and break up a perfectly good marriage, so I settled for a single guy,” She glared, obviously not enjoying our little conversation.

She scoffed. I was not impressed with her at all. “Oh that’s right, you left your boyfriend because he was scared,” She laughed, turning her eyes onto the picture Lucia was holding and pried from her hands to look at it. “Geezus, who is the hottie?” Her eyes widened when they cascaded across the picture.

“Excuse me,” I swiped the picture back. “That’s Lucia’s father,” I looked at the picture in my own hands. It was taken at one of his practices. I had crashed on his lap, and wrapped my arms around his neck, our noses were pressed together. I could tell you exactly how he smelled, faded HugoBoss and sweat. He of course wasn’t wearing a shirt, only his hockey pants.

“Ooo, he’s available then,” She wiggled her brows. Is this bitch serious?

“Look, it’s bad enough you broke up my parents marriage,” I glared harshly, running my hair back across to my right shoulder. “I don’t need you stomping over this,” I crossed my arms over my chest, warning her to try and go after Sidney. Sure, we weren’t together and he probably didn’t want to see me, but I wasn’t going to sit back and let her treat him like a piece of meat.

“Honestly, Emily,” She reached out and let her hand rest on my shoulder. “If I were you, I’d go after him for child support, milk that 8 million dollar contract for all it’s worth,” I knew she was a money grubbing whore.

“Not all girls are money hungry bitches like you,” I shot back in her face. “I see Sidney as the caring, sensitive guy; not a giant fucking dollar sign, you don’t have any right to treat him like garbage,” I walked around her and stood beside the door. “Can you go? I need to finish this,”

“No. This is my house,” She remained rooted on the spot. What was her purpose of coming up here anyway? Just to annoy me?
I snorted. “My fathers’ hard earned fucking money bought this house. All you did was break up a 30 year marriage!” I held the doorknob tightly in my hand. “Seriously, just go!”

“Wait until I tell Eric,” She threatened me and walked past, glaring out of the corner of her eyes.

“Woo, I am so scared,” I slammed the door after she got in the hall and moved back to the mat where Lucia was sitting, looking at the picture, her eyes fixated on Sidney. It dawned on me, what would I tell Lucia? Do I tell her that Sidney is her father?