Losing Him Was Blue!

I ruffled out the lines in my black mini dress and approached the funeral home. It was still surreal to me that Layla had died, not even three days ago.

I flipped my hair to the right side and fluffed it out while my simple red pumps were clicking against the hard red linoleum.

I was getting more and more nervous each passing second I took walking to the main room, and as I heard the voices sharing their condolences and stories of Layla, my heart began to break.

I hadn’t seen her in two years and I didn’t even try to reconnect with her, and now it was too late.

I got to the doorway and stepped inside, pulling up the strapless bust to my dress. I re-curled my now original blonde hair and sprayed it with hairspray, so I actually looked like me from two years ago and I knew Sidney would have no problem recognizing me.

I assumed he would be here, because he knew Layla for a long time and she was engaged to Geno and moved in with him.

Tanger was standing off to the side, fixing the cuffs on his jacket. I walked in the room, feeling very off-centered because I was sad over Layla, and nervous about Sidney.

I ran my fingers nervously through my hair, letting them get caught in the curls while I stayed frozen on the spot.

My eyes found Sidney standing up by the mahogany casket, his hand on Geno’s shoulder, while his eyes were red and tear filled. Geno’s eyes were red and tears stained his cheeks.

“Hey,” I heard a French accent purr into my ear. I looked over at Tanger, and brushed my curls off my shoulder. “No way, Emily?”

“Yes Kristopher, it’s me,” I patted his shoulder. I watched him grimace at the use of his full name. I knew him as Tanger for the longest time until Sid told me his real name was Kristopher Letang. “How is Geno?” Tanger frowned, putting a hand on my shoulder. Since his outburst at his house, I haven’t tried to contact him. I wasn’t mad, I felt so bad for him. I couldn’t even imagine losing what he lost.

He glanced over at him and then back at me. “As good as to be expected. He’s been staying with Sid, so we can keep an eye on him. He’s not sleeping, he’s not eating; Coach is worried about him. We’re all worried,”

“My poor baby,” I let the tears slide down my cheeks. “I wanted to get in touch with Layla and I never did,” Tanger pulled me in to his chest tightly, his muscles flexing around me while I cried into his suit coat. “I miss her,”

He petted my hair. “It’s okay Em, don’t blame yourself,” He whispered in my ear. “Layla wanted to get in touch with you to, but you know how stubborn she was,” She did? I would’ve loved to reconnect with her, and see how she was doing.

“I heard she was pregnant,” I pulled my head off his shoulder, but kept my arms around him. I was such close friends with all of Sid’s teammates and yet, I barely talked to Claude’s teammates. He frowned, and a tear sat beneath his eye. “What?”

“The coroner told Geno…” He whispered, looking up at me. “She was seven months along and lost the baby in the crash, he has to do a funeral for him too,” My poor baby. I felt so bad for him, to have to handle all this on his own. “He has to name him and then choose his burial spot. His coffin will be small enough that he can probably go with Layla,”

“I couldn’t even imagine having to do that,” I wiped under my eyes, glancing over to see most of the people had claimed chairs in the area before a large podium and that Geno and Sid were sitting in chairs next to Layla’s casket.

It was closed, so I had a feeling she wasn’t in the best condition. “I want to talk to Geno,”

“Wait until the reception,” He held my hand tightly in his and led me over to empty chairs beside TK and Ben Lovejoy on the other side. I slimmed down my dress and sat down, letting my eyes fall to Sidney’s who was looking over at me. I turned and looked at TK as I wiped the remainder of the tears off my cheeks.

I had to look like poo right now, I mean; no one looks great when they cry.

“Thank you all for joining us,” I looked up at the man in a white dress shirt and tan khakis standing at the podium. “I am Father Greg and we are here to remember the life and journey of Layla Jones,” He fixed his glasses that were sitting on the bridge of his nose. “I will ask for Sidney to come up here and say some words of remembrance for his dear friend,”

My heart leapt out of my chest when he stood up, took off his suit coat and took Father Gregs’ place at the podium, holding a piece of paper in his hand. We connected glances as he cleared his throat. “Wow. I can’t even believe that we are here, right now,” His voice was the same, the gentleness, the passion… everything, it was all the same. “I met Layla… a few years ago, while I was seeing this girl,” What was he doing? “She and I became close friends and after we broke up, she helped me out a lot and we kept in touch. She had also been seeing Geno, they got engaged last summer and found out they were having a baby,”

He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose while a tear rolled down his face. “I felt so heartbroken for Geno, because I knew how much he really cared for her, and I knew he was thinking why, you know, why did she have to go? Same thought was in my head a few years ago,” He let our eyes connect briefly. “I will never ever forget Layla and I promised her I’d watch over Geno while she was gone,”

I fought the tears when Sidney stepped from the podium and sat back down beside Geno, who whispered something in his ear and Sidney nodded. Father Greg moved back up and sighed. “Thank you Sidney, now I’d like her fiancé Evgeni to come up here,” I watched Geno mumble ‘fuck’ under his breath and move up where Sidney previously was standing.

“I loved her,” He started, setting his paper down and pulling his dress pants up to rest on his hips. “She was my world and I lost everything in the matter of a few seconds. How do you move on from that?” He wiped the streaming tears off his cheeks and looked out to us. “I also lost my unborn son in the crash; he would’ve had her nose, her beautiful eyes and the adorable smirk in her smile that melted my heart from day one,” He pinched the tip of his own nose. “Hopefully not my nose, it’s been broke enough times,” Everyone laughed lightly over their crying at Geno’s awkward half laughing-half crying smile.

This was breaking my heart. I was lightly sobbing into my hands, trying to hide it from those around me. I had seen tears on Tangers cheeks along with TK and Lovejoy was wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his suit coat. “I didn’t realize what I had until she was gone, and I will never, ever forget the wonderful woman I was blessed with,” He picked up the paper and sighed, spouting a phrase in Russian as he stepped away from the podium and sat back down by Sidney.

A few other people got up to share their stories and I didn’t recognize any of them, but we all sat quietly and listened to these people talking about how wonderful Layla was. Before long Father Greg had made his way back up to the podium.

“I want to thank all of you for the wonderful stories of our beautiful Layla,” He closed the bible sitting on the podium. He paused. “Can I get the Pallbearers to approach the front now?” I watched TK, Tanger, Lovejoy, Sidney, Fleury and Jordan all headed up to the front, to gather her casket. Geno stood off to the side, while they lifted her casket and moved out the doors with it to the hurse that was waiting.

“Immediate family are heading to the cemetery for the burial, the rest can go to Carnegie Hall for the remembrance dinner,”

I stood when everyone else did and watched Geno look around before heading down the aisle. “Geno,” I spouted, heading to the end chair, three away from me. I put a hand on his shoulder and watched him turn and look at me. “I am so sorry about Layla,” He relaxed and turned to completely face me while he stuffed his speech into his coat.

He put a hand on my shoulder. “I have to go,” I watched him walk off through the doors while I sighed, running my hands through my hair. I couldn’t tell if he was still mad at me… or what?

Geno’s speech really hit me hard. He was absolutely heartbroken over her death and she didn’t choose to leave him, but I chose to leave Sidney, I chose what happened to him and I seen him standing up there, practically begging God to bring her back, but knowing it would never happen…

= = =
I found my way to Carnegie Hall, after following Google Maps on my phone. It’s better than Apple Maps, trust me. I tucked my phone in the bust of my dress off to the side.

Carnegie Hall was definitely an old church with the high tower and the stained glass windows. We were gathering in the basement of the Hall, I already heard the voices by the time I got to the door, when I bumped into Ben Lovejoy, with a beer in his hand. “Hey Em,” He reached his hand out and ruffled my hair with his fist.

“Stop,” I giggled, swatting his hand away from me. “Are they allowing beer in there?” I motioned to the brown bottle tucked in his hand, in a green beer cozy.

He had a shocked look on his face. “Em, it’s church, of course they don’t allow beer,” He darted his eyes around as he pulled me off to the side. “Why you want one?” I immediately nodded my head as he lifted the end of his white dress shirt and pulled a beer out of his dress pants and handed it to me. Does he always walk around with beer in his pants?

“Thanks Benny,” I pecked his cheek and walked further into the hall, as I popped the cap on my beer and took a swig from it, noting the taste to be Corona, it was a little on the warm side, but it still tasted fab. I felt weird drinking beer in a church. I wanted to find TK or Tanger to talk to.

I saw the back of someone standing at the coffee machine, pouring creamer into their coffee. They had a grey polo and blue jeans, with their polo being tucked in. He looked good from behind.

It had to be Sidney, who else is friends with Geno and tucked their shirts into their pants, honestly? I guess it was now or never. I sat my beer down on a table and walked up behind Sidney, with my heart racing a million miles a minute.

“You still look like a dumbass with your shirt tucked in,” I laughed, grabbing my own cup out of the stack. Sidney turned around abruptly and I was shocked at the look on his face.