Losing Him Was Blue!

A Week Later

I stared up at the tall building in Manhattan, belonging to Dr. Johnson, who would be Lucia’s pediatrician.

I was nervous, because she would probably need to have blood taken or have some needles and I didn’t really like to see my baby in pain like that.

I carried her in her carseat up the stairs and got inside the building. It smelled and looked like any other Doctor’s office, everything was in a perfect place, and smelled very sterilized.

“Just have a seat over there, the nurse will be out to take you into the office,” She handed me a paper with Lucia’s information on it, to bring to our insurance company and motioned to the almost empty waiting room.

I let her out of her carseat and showed her the toy box in the corner of the room. A little ginger boy was playing with a GI Joe and Lucia grabbed out a barbie and they started playing.

I loved watching kids play, they didn’t care about anything, just that they had another kid to play with.

“Hmm… I used to know a Miller,” I looked up at the voice who spoke from the doorway. I almost swallowed my tongue when it was Jake, standing there in blue scrubs, carrying a clipboard. “Is there a Lucia Miller here to see a Dr. Johnson?”

“Come on Loosh,” I grabbed my bag and Lucia and we walked back with Jake. His hair was a lot shorter now and it looked like he had dyed it a honey blonde colour instead of his usual strawberry blonde that he was born with. He glanced a few times over his shoulder at me, and I could see by his eyes, that he was trying to figure out who I was.

We reached Dr. Johnson’s office and he lead us inside and motioned for the bed up against the wall before a desk and a scale on the other side. “Just put Lucia down there,” I sat her on the bed and began taking her coat and shoes off.

I sat them in my bag and took the chair that Jake motioned to. “I just got to get her blood pressure and pulse and all that jazz before he can come in,”

“Okay,” I smiled, looking at my nails. Lucia was a good sport, she laid down and let him do what he needed to do. He took a seat at the desk after he was done and began writing on the clipboard. I had no clue Jake actually went through for a nurse, a Pediatric nurse even.

“Is there any chance that you are Emily Miller?” He finally asked after a few seconds of complete silence. I slowly nodded my head, and within seconds, a wide smile met his lips. “I thought so, the only reason I really knew, was because of your daughter, she looks identical to Sidney,” I smiled, looking at Lucia, sitting on the bed, staring at me.

It wasn’t just me who thought she was Sidney’s mini-me. “So, did you and Sidney end up moving in together?” I loved how we haven’t seen each other in two years, and we’re practically picking it right back up.

“No, actually… I haven’t seen him for almost two years,” I let that slowly roll off my tongue and Jake stared at me, letting the pen drop out of his hand. “What?”

“Are you serious?” He moved from the desk to sitting on the bed beside Lucia. “Well, we didn’t even see it coming. Layla and I got back from Christmas Break, on the 21st, I think and we went to bring you the gifts we got you and found your house empty. Layla thought you died or something. I assumed you just moved in with Sidney, honestly, and then Layla got the brilliant idea to call him. Once she asked if you were with him, he freaked assuming we had you and just wouldn’t tell him the truth,” He waved his hands in the air. “Emily, you should’ve been there. He was a mess of emotions. Mad, sad, scared and upset,”

“He was?” I sighed, rubbing my face. “Jake, please, don’t think I did any of this to hurt any of you. I loved you guys but I didn’t want Sid to hurt me by leaving, so-“

“So you hurt him instead?” Jake glared harshly. “Honestly Emily, this guy loved you. He was head over heels for you, he would give his life for you and you do this to him,” He slid the clipboard into the door “The doctor will be right in,” He walked out into the hallway. I rubbed my temples harshly.

Honestly, when I thought about leaving, I didn’t think about the reprocussions of my actions. I hated this part. I hated hearing how I hurt Sidney and I knew deep down, I did.
= = = = =
“Dad,” I smiled, watching him walk through the doors of the local Starbucks. He had an hour off of work at the VW dealership in Manhattan, where he was a CEO and offered to meet for a coffee, just the two of us.

I looked down at Lucia, passed out in her carseat. It was beyond loud in here, and she managed to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.

I gave him a quick hug and he sat down across from me.

“How was her appointment?” He asked, reaching down to slide a sucker in the carseat with her. I rolled my eyes, knowing she’d forever be spoiled with my father.

“The doctor said she’s doing really good and we come back and see him in two months for another check-up. He wants to run blood tests, after I said I was Hypoglycemic, he wants to check her,” I sighed. “I don’t want her to have it, I mean, it won’t kill her, but it’s still annoying,” I put my hands around the mug of delicious white hot chocolate. “And to top off this great day, I ran into Jacob, one of my friends from BSC and he ripped me a new one too. That makes like three people now, including you,”

“Emily, calm down,” Dad patted my shoulder comfortingly. “You are doing the best you can for Lucia, I can see it, and I know your intentions were in the right place, but you need to think of how they feel too. Imagine if Sidney had just decided one day to up and leave, no word to anyone and you didn’t know why. Wouldn’t you be upset too?”

“Of course I would’ve been,” I sighed, feeling my bottom lip tremble. “Sidney meant the entire world to me. I didn’t even know how much I cared about him until I had to leave. I wanted to protect my daughter, but I think what I did is going to hurt her in the long run. She’s going to miss out on Sidney, who I know would make an amazing father,” I wiped at the tears now sitting on my cheeks. “It’s all my fault,”

“Emily,” Dad slid his chair over and pulled me into his arms. It had been a long time since I actually had a legit hug from my Dad. I relaxed and let myself cry into his shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself, you did what you thought was right at the time,”

“But I hurt so many people,” I pulled from him and sighed. “When Tyler told me that Sidney was a mess after I left, it broke my heart, because I never wanted to see him like that or be the cause of that and I was, I can’t face Sidney after what I did and act like everything is okay, it’s not, it never will be,”

“You’ve just got to tell him the truth, if he cares about you, believe me, he will understand,”

“Dad, how do you expect me to tell him, ‘oh, the reason I took off pregnant, was because you were being a douche and told me getting married to me, or having babies wasn’t in your plan, so I was afraid you would leave me,’ how does that honestly sound?” I glared. “You just don’t get it. I was with this guy for a little over a year and I fucked everything up, who knows, I could be married to him by now,”

I know I was with Claude, right now, and thinking about my ex boyfriend looked horrible at the moment. But he was always on my mind. He was the father of my baby and no matter what, he was always going to be a part of my life, whether anyone liked it or not.