Beneath Your Perfect

“Jade?” I glanced up from the rows of records in front of me to see Eleanor and Perrie standing in front of me both wearing large smiles. Trying to hide the shock that slid across my face, I smiled back kindly.

“It’s great to see you! We haven’t seen you since the party.” Perrie said pulling me into a hug. Laughing softly I hugged her back before Eleanor pulled me in. I had noticed that these girls were hug people. Something I was only comfortable with when it was people I have known for a while.

“Liam’s been keeping you all to himself.” Eleanor teased. I forced a laugh and nodded thinking that the last time I saw Liam was a week ago, at breakfast. Since then I had either ignored his calls or told him I was busy. I needed space from him, just for a little while. At least to sort out the seed that Aria had planted. He hadn’t called today, which should have relieved me but instead I had felt only disappointment.

“Did you want to get a coffee with us?” Eleanor asked sweetly.

“Oh I’m actually with some friends.” I said, glancing around for Sarah and Aria. I spotted them watching us on the other side of the store. I eyed them pleadingly and quickly waved them over.

“They can join us!” Perrie said eagerly. Smiling warmly at Sarah and Aria, before I could protest, Sarah accepted Eleanor’s offer to coffee. Aria glanced at me unsure before smiling and nodding the moment Perrie complimented her boots.

I smiled as best as possible, then placed the records that were in my hand down, before following the girls out the door. Aria linked her arm with mine and bumped my hip, I bumped hers back letting her know that I was okay.

“So how are you and Liam going?” Eleanor asked me, a sparkle in her eye as we stepped into the closest coffee shop.

“Good.” I answered lamely. She frowned slightly before plastering on a fake smile. This group of people always seemed so good at fake smiling. It shocked me that someone would have to fake a smile so often that it would become believable, when that person’s life seemed so perfect.

“Are you coming to the concert next week?” Perrie asked me, coming into our failing conversation. I looked at her confused. “Oh Liam must have been meaning to tell you soon, I’m sure. But the boys are having a concert next week, here in London. El and I are going to be there.”

I nodded and glanced towards Aria and Sarah who were ordering their coffee’s.

“He hasn’t asked me yet. But if he does, I would love to come.” I smiled at them, hoping to God Liam didn’t want me to come.

My phone beeped making me look down to read a text from Liam.

Louis told me you’re with Eleanor and Perrie.

My fingers were itching to reply but I knew it was better not to the moment my heart rate increased at the sight of Liam’s name on my phone. Pushing my phone back into my pocket, I followed the girls towards a table with my coffee in my hand.

“So Liam says you’re a writer huh?” Perrie asked conversationally.

“Yeah, I’ve written a few.” I told her kindly.

“She’s writing one now.” Aria said, I shot her a look while she looked back innocently.

“Oh what about?” Eleanor pressed.

“Still trying to figure that out.” I responded, nudging Aria with my foot under the table at the same time my phone vibrated.

So you will talk to them but not me?

I ignored the text again and focused back on the conversation the others had started. However my phone buzzed a couple of seconds later.

Did I do something???

Sighing I bit my lip as I reread the message instantly feeling guilt well up inside me.

“Guys, I just have to call Liam for a moment. I’ll be right back.” I made sure to emphasise the Liam part so I was at least acting like his girlfriend in front of Perrie and Eleanor. The smiled at me and nodded as I left the table and headed outside, pressing the call button for Liam.

He answered halfway through the first ring. I froze in surprise and didn’t respond at first.

“Jade?”

“Oh sorry, hey.” I said quickly.

“So are you calling to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?” His voice came through the phone. I could hear noises in the back and assumed he must have been out in public.

“I haven’t been ignoring you.” I tried to deny.

“Yes you have.” He responded instantly. Liam never held back the truth.

“It’s complicated.”I eventually sighed out.

“Did I do something?” He asked me softly. My eyes widened at the upset tone buried in his voice. He was actually upset about me ignoring him. He thought he was in the wrong and he was sorry for that. I bit my lip and closed my eyes briefly willing to stop my heart racing.

“No Liam, you haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve just been really busy this week. I’m sorry.” I lied to him again. He was silent for a moment before finally responding.

“Well if that’s it then. I thought that maybe you had wanted to end this.” He said softly. I tried to ignore the hope that rose in me at the thought that Liam didn’t want this to end.

“I don’t want to.” I said straightaway.

“Good, did you want to come over tonight? We could just hang out or something?” He asked me awkwardly. “Maybe watch some movies.”

I smile slid across my face as I heard the nerves and insecurity in Liam’s voice.

“That sounds like fun.” I responded before promising to be at Liam’s at 7.

“Make sure the paps see you before coming in, Management says they’ve been suspicious since we haven’t been sighted together all week.” My eyes widened as my heart practically sunk past my stomach. Of course the only reason Liam was inviting me over was so the world still thought we were in a relationship.

I promised I would before hanging up and taking a deep breath, staring at the people walking past me. I was going to kill Aria.

“Everything okay?” Perrie asked. I nodded at her as Eleanor eyed me for a moment. I stared back at her confused.

“I need to go to the toilet. Did you want to come?” Eleanor asked me suddenly. I looked at her even more confused but nevertheless agreed, there must be a reason why she wanted to go togehter. Throwing a look at Aria and Sarah, I followed her towards the toilet.

She went into a cubicle as I stood outside and eyed myself in the mirror. I fixed up my black hair that I had carelessly thrown into a bun on top of my head. I moved a few bobby pins around before I was happy with the outcome.

“You’re a lot different than I expected you to be.” Eleanor said after she came out of the cubicle.

“How do you mean?” I asked her curiously. Turning to look at her, she shrugged at me.

“Liam’s last girlfriend was just a lot different to you.” Eleanor told me. “She was a dancer. A fair bit louder than you. Always the life of the party, no offense, you’re just a little less loud and more observant. I guess that’s why you’re a writer huh?”

I stared at her for a moment not sure how to respond, not even sure if she had insulted me at some point during her rambling.

“Her name was Danielle right?” Eleanor nodded. “Were you friends?”

“We got pretty close. Like Perrie and I. When dating a boy band member some of your other friends just don’t understand. So we tend to bond over those common things. I’m not as close to Dani as I was though.” She said as she dried her hands.

“What happened between them?” I asked her, hoping that she would answer me. She turned to eye me for a moment.

“Shouldn’t you ask Liam about that?” She asked, raising her eyebrow at me.

“He was broken when we met. And he’s not very forthcoming why he’s still broken. I just want to know what happened.” I told her honestly. She sighed and glanced around the bathroom for a moment.

“He was, as you say, broken before he and Dani broke up. He hasn’t been the same Liam for a while. It wasn’t just breaking up with Dani that made him how he is. The rest you have to ask him.” She told me softly. I nodded at her in thanks and followed her out of the bathroom.

“He’s been better though.” I turned to look at her confused. “Liam, the last two weeks, he’s been better. He’s been drinking less and actually showing up to work. You’re good for Liam. We can all see that.”

I stayed still, shocked, before hurrying after her. Eleanor thought I was good for Liam, but I had done nothing for him. I still barely knew anything about him and we were in a fake relationship. I doubt I had helped Liam at all.

Except the other day he told me that he liked being around me because I didn’t treat him like a celebrity. So that’s a good thing right? Maybe I did help.

-

“I’m going to kill you.” I grumbled to Aria the moment we entered my apartment, having the privacy I had been craving.

“What did I do?” Aria asked me.

“I’m not falling for him!” I said stubbornly. Crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at her.

“Yeah, you’re being really believable right now.” She teased me, walking into my living room.

“I don’t love him.” I said walking after her and talking to Sarah trying to get her onto my side.

“You’re right you don’t. But you have feelings for him because you’ve twisted him into something interesting and mysterious. And you think that’s great. Your writing side just won’t let you see him for the douche he is. You glorify him too much.” Aria said flipping the TV on, being painfully honest in the process.

“I have to go get changed.” I mumbled turning away as my mind went over her words. I could hear Sarah follow me into the room.

“She’s not completely wrong, you know that, maybe a bit too blunt and dramatic but not completely wrong.” Sarah stated in her realistic way. I sighed and turned to look at her as she placed herself on my bed.

“I know the difference between my characters and real life people Sarah.”

“I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just saying and what Aria is saying is that maybe you’ve fallen for the wrong one. You’ve based your new character on Liam, I read the first few chapters, I can tell by what you’ve told us about him. The only difference is that you control your character. Liam is a human being with his own thoughts and emotions. Right now he’s pretty messed up and you can’t help him like you think you can.”

“You don’t know that?” I stubbornly replied.

“You’re always the one to get hurt in the relationship Jade. Your hope and your capacity to love always amazes me, but your choice in wounded men always disappoints me. You make them out to be something they’re not. We’re just worried about you, Jay, that’s all.” I heard Sarah move off my bed as I faced my clothes in my wardrobe.

“What if I think I really like him?” I asked her softly. I turned to her as her silence lasted longer than expected.

“If you really like him, then stop writing that book. Don’t be with him for the sake of that book and then maybe I will believe you. Maybe Aria will believe you but that still doesn’t stop him from being a douche. He’s still in a position to easily hurt you. He’s too unstable, you should know that by now.”

She left the room as I bit my lip and walked across the room to my laptop. I stared at the last page of writing I had completed. Liam was my inspiration but Sarah and Aria are right, I’m blurring the line between both character and inspiration. I needed a break. Sighing I got out of the document and moved the folder into a separate folder for my material that was on hiatus. I wasn’t ready to delete it, yet.