If These Sheets Were States

I swigged the last of my black coffee in another attempt of staying awake. I had been at work for a couple of hours and I still felt dead. All Time Low weren't coming in till about 1- even then they probably wouldn't be on time or would mess about for ages. I was still feeling a bit gutted about their announcement last night and maybe even more gutted about the awkwardness between me and Alex. How could somebody go from being your bestfriend, to your boyfriend, then to your friend again and then to just being nothing to you at all? Well I knew the answer to that already but it just didn't seem real.

I finished up editing a couple of photos, sending them off to the magazine editor. The thought of being here all day made me just feel ill. All I wanted to do was not interact with anybody, curl up in my bed and cry... and maybe eat a lot of junk BUT I had a job to do and there was no getting around that. I needed the money to pay my bills, my expensive, expensive bills. I loved living in LA, the weather was beautiful, great people, great food and I did get a really decent pay check from work but when you have to pay for everything yourself, bills, car maintenance, food, camera equipment, film. It just ended up getting more expensive by the day. I decided to ring my mum whilst I took a break from work, I hadn't spoken to her in so long. I felt guilty about it but at the same time she knew how busy I was and she was busy to with her new family. After she had married Alfie they decided to adopt a little boy called Noah. That heavily surprised me because my mum always moaned about how she never wanted any more children ever so adopting a child, especially one so young, came as a shock to the whole family.

I dialled in my mum's number and she picked up on the third ring. I could hear Noah in the background, he was 14 and apparently was going through this "stroppy teenager phase" which apparently I went through too although I can't remember being that bad.

"Sorry about all the noise, Noah is angry because Alfie was meant to take him out to play soccer but he has decided that he is too tired from work so won't be doing that tonight." My mum filled me in.

"Oh. Well can't he just go play with some friends?" I asked.

"Him and Alfie haven't really been getting along much recently, I thought it would be good for them to have some bonding time but it doesn't look like that is going to happen any time soon. As for Noah's friends, they are horrible boys. I disapprove of him hanging around him, I caught them all smoking the other day in the garden and I almost had a heart attack."

"Aw mum. He is just experimenting, he'll get over it quick."

"That reminds me, you don't smoke any more do you Jennifer?"

"Only when I'm stressed mum. It takes the edge off. Anyway I called to tell you that I'm doing a photo shoot for All Time Low today. Their last one ever."

"I saw on the local news about them splitting up. Sad isn't it? Have you been speaking to Alex? How is the baby?" My mum quizzed.

"I haven't spoke to him much and I don't have a clue how the baby is, I haven't asked nor am I interested in doing so."

"Don't be so rude Jennifer. I know you don't like Chelsea but the baby hasn't done anything wrong, I'm sure Alex would love to have your support."

"Maybe if Alex hadn't of screwed me over so many times then he would have my support. I've gotta go mum I've got work to do. Bye."

I didn't even wait for her to say goodbye back before I hung up. I didn't even have any work I currently needed to do, I just didn't want to talk to her any more. Why would I want to ask about the baby? Why would I want to know about it? I'd only get upset and jealous and ugh.

I needed to keep reminding myself that I don't care any more, that I'm over it. Then maybe it will actually sink in a bit. I needed it to sink in.

The afternoon rolled around pretty quickly and before I knew it All Time Low had arrived in typical 'rockstar' style, with their blacked out sunglasses and leather jackets (pretentious much). I greeted them with a smile, trying to keep the act up of good appearances and showed them to the studio room. They were actually having their hair (and tiny bit of makeup) done for this shoot so I had to wait for them to be finished with that before I could even take any photos.

Jack swung his arm around my neck and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I pulled away from him, wiping my face with my sleeve and pouted my bottom lip out.

"Gross boy." I said sticking my tongue out.

"Oh Jen Jen. As mature as ever. Are you gonna take some great photos today!?" Jack said excitedly.

"What do you mean today? I always take great photos I'll have you know."

"Good girl. Hey, do you mind doing me a favour?" Jack said lowering his voice and coming closer to me.

"And what would that be?"

"Talk to Alex today. He was in a really bummed out mood after the shoot yesterday and it wasn't just cause the announcement went out. He kept going on about how you hated him and you are both nothing but strangers now."

"Well he is right, we are strangers now and I don't particularity like him. I don't have anything to say to him y'know?"

"Just try please."

"Fine, I'll try but I'm not making any promises.

Jack simply just nodded his head and run off to the others.

The rest of the afternoon just consisted of taking a shit load of photos, like so so many. They wanted as many good ones as possible- for the fans and for themselves for memories. Obviously they could still get photos whenever they wanted all together even when they weren't a band but it just wouldn't be the same.These would be the last ever photos of them together properly as a band which was such a weird thing.

I started to pack my camera and the rest of my equipment away, thankful for the day to be over. Just as I was leaving Rian called my name.

"Hey can we have your address so we can send you some flowers?" Rian asked.

"You really don't need to do that."

"We want too. Please."

I passed over my details and then just left straight away. I was physically and mentally drained. I drove straight home, kicking off my docs as soon as I got in the door and grabbing a chinese take out leaflet out of the draw, ringing it up, ordering the same food as always. The next thing to do was to run a really bubbly, hot bath. A much needed relaxation time.

I wasn't even in the bath that long before the doorbell rung which I assumed was my chinese. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body and rushed to the door. I didn't care if the guy only saw me in a towel, it was only going to be for like one minute anyway.

I pulled the door open to reveal a very rain soaked Alex holding a bunch of flowers. What the hell. Right behind him was the guy with my chinese. Now that was a guy I'd rather be seeing whilst I stood here in my towel. I moved out of the way to let Alex in and paid the guy for my food and shut the door behind me. I put my food into the kitchen and then went straight into my bedroom, quickly shoving on an oversized t-shirt before returning to the hallway where Alex was still standing.

"You are soaked." I stated obviously.

"Go figure. I brought you these- well they're from us all but I wanted to give them to you in person and say thanks for everything since we haven't really talked."

"Thankyou. Is that all?" I asked whilst taking the flowers from him.

"One more thing." Alex said walking up to my so close that our noses were touching.

Before I knew it he was kissing me hard, right up against the wall, I became so lost in it that I dropped the flowers and my hands ended up tangling in his hair. God I had missed this so much. All my feelings were coming right back to the surface and my heart was thumping so hard against my chest. I couldn't even think straight, all I could think about was the taste of his lips and how much I wanted him right now.

I started to undo his belt and pull it off and that's when I felt him freeze. He pulled away from me harshly and I instantly missed the warmth of his lips. His face said it all. I could feel my eyes welling up, the tears threatening to spill over.

"Fuck. I shouldn't have done that. That was so wrong. We are wrong. I'm married, I have a baby. You are not part of that." His voice seemed so thick almost as if he was about to cry but the way he said those words also just came across mean.

I meant nothing to him any more, it was so obvious and that hurt so much. I couldn't hold the tears in any more and they just started flowing down my face whilst I stared at him. Alex was standing there running his hands through his hair, muttering swear words to himself.

"You are not good for me. Chelsea said that from day one and she was right. I came here to be nice and to be friends and you kissed me and tried to take my jeans off. Shit." Alex spat.

He had got to be kidding me. I tried to kiss him? What bullshit he practically pounced on me. I was only responding to his actions.

"If that is what you want to believe to help you get through the night then whatever. Just leave. Now." I said angrily as the tears began to fall faster.

Alex walked straight to the door opening it and slamming it behind him. I went after him, standing in the doorway, unable to contain my anger any more.

"Fuck you Alex. Fuck you." I shouted before slamming my door again.

I felt myself fall to the floor. I was done. So fucking done.