Do It Now, Remember It Later

I didn't know what to pack so I've packed everything. And by everything I mean practically my entire room. My suitcase is bulging. Zipping it closed was a mission in itself, and opening it is just as difficult.

First day of Warped Tour Europe and I have no idea what to wear.

“What's the weather doing, Deanie?” I ask Dean, the lead guitarist of our band As We Fall.

He peers out the window. “Urm, cloudy with a chance of more cloud, I should say. Oh, wait, is that sunlight I see? Why, yes it is!”

“Would I get away with shorts?”

He screws up his face in thought for a second, but the voice that answers is that of our bassist Nicholas. “Wear a jumper with the shorts to compromise.”

“Thank you, fashion police,” I reply, and Nick ruffles my hair as he walks by.

“Does it even matter? We'll be inside for the actual show anyway,” Dean says, shovelling cereal into his mouth. He's eating Weetos from the box and I'm a step away from throwing a spoon and bowl at him.

I ignore him and dig out my Christmas jumper from my suitcase, changing as quickly as I can. There's not enough room in this bus. Nicholas is pretty tidy, so that's okay, but as for the rest of them it's like living in a pig sty. Dean seems to have already abandoned the idea of putting his clothes away. Cal, our drummer, has taken to commandeering the seating at the back of the bus. And as for my sister and rhythm guitarist Milly, well she just doesn't believe in tidying. Throw in the mess created by Ella, one of our roadies, and Sophia, who's here to film every move we make, and I think I might be drowning beneath clothes and empty packets of food before we've even finished touring the UK; London, Alexandra Palace is just our first stop.

Milly rushes over to me, her ponytail swinging violently. “Excited?”

“I'm bricking it,” I answer her.

“Don't be nervous,” she laughs, punching my arm. “A few more hours and we'll be on that stage and you'll be wondering why you ever felt like you were gonna shit your pants.”

“It's not just that,” I say, rolling my eyes. “What about all the other bands?”

“As long as you don't cry over any of them, Cail, you should be good to go.”

“Easier said than done.”

Outside the bus, other bands are milling around. There's a food court for us set up out back. From here we can hear the crowd of people queuing out front. Their shouts and laughter mingle with the sound of the burger van parked a few feet away. My stomach is coiling round on itself in nervous excitement, but I really need to eat.

Sophia lurches towards me with her video camera, her SLR swinging from her neck. “Ugh, too early for that Soph,” I say, trying to cover my face with my hands.

“It's never too early to start making the tour diaries,” she retorts. “So how are we feeling this fine morning?”

“Like I could eat one of those burgers and spew it back up again,” I reply, and that's honestly how I feel. Alexandra Palace is huge. Somehow we've bagged ourselves a spot on the East Stage, right after We Are The In Crowd's set and just before Sleeping With Sirens. I can already feel sweat pricking my palms at the thought of it.

Sophia grimaces. “Ugh, please don't, I don't want any of your vomit on my lens.”

“Don't worry, I'll try not to aim for you.”

A slither of sunlight splits the cloud cover, warming my bare legs, and I'm just considering going back on the bus to put tights on when Milly's voice pipes up from inside the bus, calling me. “Bitch! Get in line for the burger van, would you? I'll be out in a minute!”

“There's no line!” I shout back.

“Well just go get me a burger then!”

I sigh and make my way over there. I have to weave in between the picnic tables that have been set up, and my heart tries its hardest to stop as I pass band members I recognise. Vic Fuentes, Jeremy McKinnon, Tay Jardine. And then suddenly I'm face to face with an acne-suffering boy idly flipping burgers. He looks at me expectantly as I scan the menu. A breeze is threading between the tour buses, tousling my hair so that it's like a mane about my face and making it difficult to read the menu. I'm conscious of someone waiting in the queue behind me and I wish I didn't feel so anxious, like the new kid at school.

“Urm, can I get two cheeseburgers please?” I ask.

“Yeah, sure,” the boy answers, and he grabs two ready made boxes from the hot plates beside him.

“Thanks.” I take them from him and move aside to where the sauces are balanced on a little table. I put one box down and open the other, pumping ketchup onto the burger. I just know one of these will be on the floor in a second.

“I'll take a veggie burger,” whoever was behind me in the queue says. I glance up from trying to get this sauce dispenser to work and immediately my breath hitches in my throat. Kellin Quinn is standing right there. I hurriedly take great interest in putting sauce on my burger, but all the while my chest is tightening and my lungs are trying their hardest to convulse like I've swallowed half an ocean. I have to bite my lip to keep from grinning. If Milly were here and not dawdling on the bus she'd say something, but all I can do is struggle for air.

“Are those both for you?” I look up and see Kellin pointing at the cheeseburgers I'm attempting to season. He has one eyebrow raised, practically disappearing beneath his mop of dark hair, and his mouth is twisted into a smile.

I manage a nervous laugh and say, “Nah, the other is for my sister; I'm not that much of a pig.”

He chuckles, takes his veggie burger from the boy, and huddles round the little table with me. “Want me to help you with that?” he offers, noticing the proper workout I'm getting from this sauce dispenser.

“That would actually be great, thanks.”

“No problem,” Kellin answers. He puts his veggie burger on the table and takes my cheeseburger from me, holding it with one hand as he pushes on the pump with the other. “Needs a man's touch,” he adds in a deeper voice, grimacing as he dramatically puts all his weight on the pump to get the dregs of sauce from the dispenser.

“Clearly,” I say.

“Was that sarcasm?”

“No, not at all,” I reply, hamming up my sarcastic tone.

He laughs and says, “I'm Kellin, by the way.”

A nervous giggle spills from my lips again and I want to smash my forehead on the corner of the table; I can feel myself blushing. “Yeah, I know.”

He grins at me and I feel my blush deepen. “Sleeping With Sirens fan?”

“Super fan,” I answer.

“So if I wake up in the night and find someone peering round the curtain of my bunk I shouldn't be too worried?”

I can't help but laugh properly this time. “No need to worry, it'll only be me watching you sleep.”

By now Kellin has successfully slathered both the burgers in ketchup and he hands them to me, retrieving his own burger from the table. “And let me guess,” he continues, still smiling, “you said the other burger was for your sister so are you by any chance Cailey from As We Fall?”

“Yep,” I answer, “and here comes the other sister.”

As Milly approaches she calls out, “Cail stop harassing Kellin Quinn and give me my burger.”

Kellin bursts out laughing and crinkles appear at the corners of his eyes. “And this must be Milly,” he says.

Despite the breeze I feel hotter than Mount Doom. I hand Milly her burger and she grins mischievously at me. “The one and only,” she says in answer to Kellin's comment.

“Well I'll leave you two to enjoy your food,” Kellin replies, passing between me and Milly, and as he does so he looks at me and adds, “Nice Christmas jumper, by the way.”