Just a Fool

I could not believe I just said those words. What have I done? My heart was beating so hard and so fast I could not only feel it, but I could hear it. It’s like my heart jumped into my throat. I’m sure that I had marked up my lips pretty bad by how hard I was biting my bottom lip. My hands were beginning to sweat and I thanked my deodorant, knowing fairly well that if I hadn’t been wearing any it would be terrible.

Matt’s eyes just stared at me and I couldn’t make out anything. It’s kind of like he retracted himself, buried himself so deep that I couldn’t even find him.

What have I done?

The stove beeped, warning me about fifteen minutes, letting me know it was okay to started the green beans and pasta but I couldn’t even move a muscle. Our eyes stayed locked and I have let go of his face forever ago, at least that’s what it felt like but I could still feel his stubble on my palm.

“Okay.” Left his lips and I did a double take.

“Okay?” I whispered back.

“Yeah, okay, I—I—uhh—keep in touch.” He scratched the back of his head, gave me one last look and high tailed his ass out of there. I bit back my sob as I looked at his figure leaving me standing there.

Okay?! What kind of man says okay when you pour out your entire heart to him? I stood there dumfounded for another few seconds, seconds that felt like hours, but decided that it was best for me to get this dinner finished.

I didn’t cry—I reached for the pasta in my cabinet, but was too short to get it. It was getting irritated that my fingers kept pushing it back more, and before I knew it I had thrown the spoon across the room with a cry of outrage and fell to the floor I let sobs escape my lips. I brought my knees to my chest and cried into them.

I heard heel hitting the floor as a woman came into the room at full speed, a voice mumbling something before she came to me and slipped to the floor, her arms grabbing at me. Immediately she wrapped me into her arms and held me. She whispered softly into my head, her arm around my back rubbing soothing circles. She kept telling me it was going to be okay, but I wasn’t even sure.

I thought I was stupid for telling another man I loved him when I was supposed to be falling in love with another one.

Amber

I was outside talking to Chris, his head in his hands as just sat there quietly. I sighed and watched him silently, trying to strain my hearing. I couldn’t hear much, they must be whispering in there now. They were yelling at each other—or rather, Evie was yelling at Matt. And that’s how it should be, but if she had talked to Matt just a week ago, she would have realized how much he had regretted the fact that he kicked her out.

I couldn’t believe that Marcus had sent Matt a text, and I didn’t dare tell Evie there was a picture of her and Chris involved. It would only scare the shit out of my best friend, and I didn’t need her cowering in a corner right now—not if we needed to focus on Mel.

At the thought of Mel, my heart dropped to my stomach. Mel was like a little sister to me, too. I grew up with all three of the girls, their parents being my safe haven—their family being my family. They all took me in without a second thought. My parents are still alive, but they could care less. It makes me angry to see something so bad happen to people who are so good and kind, who only deserve the world.

At that thought, I remembered when Evie was returned home. She was a mess and it took everything in me not go out in that world and beat the shit out of the man who had caused her this much pain. Evelyn is my family, and I would have been damned if I sat back and did nothing about it.

So I was currently talking to many schools—I wanted to study Criminal Justice. I want to help those who get fucked over like my best friend and her family has. I don’t want some asshole like Detective White creating some false reality where the victim thinks she, or he, is safe to live without a worry. I didn’t want Sarah and Evie knowing just yet, not until I find a decent school.

“I’m scared,” Chris said, breaking my thoughts. I looked over at him, my head cocking itself to the left, something I did when I was confused.

“Of what?” I said.

“I know, Amber.”

“Chris, I’m not good at charades so help me out here.”

Chris sighed and looked over at me—his face looked so defeated that it worried me. “I know she loves him, and I’ve tried so hard to get her not to…but I can’t.”

“Chris…” I said sadly as he stood up in front of me. I looked up at the man who had been weeding the garden, something Brian has never done and probably will never do. I remember thinking, wow Evie you hit the jackpot, but I had known that this was most likely something to get her mind off of him.

“It’s okay.” He said, his eyes looking through the front door. I stood up as best as I could in my dress and sighed. “It was a war I knew I really couldn’t end.”

“She’s trying,” I said, fighting for my best friend. “It’s only been a month or so, Christopher, give her some time.”

Chris put his hands in his jeans and shrugged. “I have a daughter to think about,” Chris said. “I need to do what is right for her.”

“Evie wouldn’t think of hurting your daughter.” I said.

“I have to do what is right for her, Amber.” He shrugged. “Can you just let her know I wasn’t feeling good or something? And tell her I’ll call her later on tonight.

Just then I heard someone coming out behind me and I turned to see Matt, who didn’t even close the door behind him. I looked up at his face and I couldn’t explain it, but my third eye knew something had happened. Matt mumbled his goodbye but I grabbed at his arm. I knew my nails were rough on his skin, but as he turned I don’t think he even acknowledged them.

I gasped. “She told you.” I said. Matt ripped his arm out of my hand and the only thing I could think of was her. I heard a cry of outrage, watched as both men walked off and felt my heart break for her. “You both are asshole!” I cried out before turning around to run into the house. I noticed there was a spoon and there was a good scratch on the wall. I turned to see Evie on the floor and sighed as I made my way towards her.

I fell to the floor besides her, not even caring about the fact that I’m wearing a dress and kicked my heels off. I pulled her into my arms, let her head rest on my chest was I ran my hand down her back. “Everything will be okay.” I promised her as I tried to keep my own tears at bay, but it was useless. I felt my own waterworks starting to fall from my eyes and I held onto Evie tighter, saying things will be okay—but who was it meant for? Who was I trying to reassure?

__

I had taken out the food in the oven and put Evie to bed. I grabbed out some pj’s for her and she stripped in front of me, her eyes empty and red. I closed my eyes and cursed both men out as she crawled into bed.

I reached her and sighed. “I’ll be downstairs cleaning up, okay?” Evie nodded and pulled her blanket up to her neck and rolled over. I sighed again and when to walk away, but I felt her hand on my own.

“Thank you, Amber.” She murmured, her brown eyes looking up at me. I smiled down at her.

“What are best friends for, Eves?” I asked. “Get some rest, okay?” She nodded and turned back over to face the blue wall. I walked to the door, turned the light off and watched her for a second before closing the door and making my way downstairs.

__

Evelyn

I could faintly hear Amber moving around downstairs in the kitchen. I tried to sleep, but all I kept picturing was Matts face. It’s like it was imprinted on the insides of my eyelids, so every time I close it I saw his lips forming the word ‘okay’ and watched as he left me standing there.

I felt water falling from my eyes—I was so exhausted and I just wanted to welcome the sleep but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know what hurt most—the fact that all he said was okay, keep in touch or the fact that he walked out on me.

And Chris! He left without even saying goodbye to me. I understand that we were supposed to have a date night, just him and I, but the information Amber had was serious! Did he not get that?

I groaned and rolled over to the wall again, but decided I wanted my iPod. So I got up out of bed, went to my dresser and grabbed my headphone and iPod. When I slipped back in bed, I put my plugs in my ears and pressed play.

I noticed it was Cassadee Pope’s new song Wasting All These Tears and started to sing along with her softly. “My loneliness was a rattle in the windows. You said you don’t want me anymore and you left me standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying.”

The music was so loud that I must’ve not heard the window being opened, or the sound of his feet hitting the hardwood floor. So when his hands came to cover my mouth with cloth, I was too shocked to scream or to move.

I was slowly losing consciousness when he revealed his face. I was too out of it to even try to scream, so when his green eyes came to meet my face I knew I hadn’t fallen asleep—this was real. “Hi, princess,” He said before I passed out.