Just a Fool

I hadn’t known that I was sleeping until I felt someone shaking me awake. For a second I almost thought I was home in my father’s house, under the security of his love—but I was in for awakening. When I opened my eyes my smiled dropped as I came face to face with Marcus. His brown hair fell into his face and he shook it out of his way as he smiled down at me. “Hi, Princess.” He said before kissing me.

I didn’t say a word but as soon as I breathed in I could smell it—the chicken noodle soup. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I saw the bowl sitting on the table that was set up before me. It was like one of those hospital things, where they wheel it in front of you. On it sat a glass of milk, a bowl of soup and some crackers. “I made you something to eat, baby.” Marcus said with a smile before helping me sit up. I winced at the movement of my muscles, but once he took the pillows and put them behind me it helped. I’ve mostly been lying down, only getting up to use the bathroom or to shower, something I haven’t done in a while.

I said a small ‘thank you’ before digging into the food. I don’t know if it was because I was so fucking hungry, but the soup was delicious—it wasn’t a Campbell’s can, that much I knew for sure. When I finished the soup, I drank my milk and sat back. Marcus was on the chair beside the bed, watching me eat. When I was finished, I looked up at him and mustered everything I had and smiled. “Can I…” I began, “Take a shower?” I whispered.

I looked behind him to see the white door, knowing behind was a bathroom stocked with everything I would need. I knew it would be a terrible pain to do so, but I needed a shower. “On one condition,” He said, causing my eyes to look at him. He moved the table away from me and pulled back the blankets. “We take one together.” I nodded and he grinned before turning around to walk towards the bathroom. I heard him start the water. When he came back out, he was completely naked and I kept my eyes on the floor the entire time. He came towards me, helped me out of bed and unclothed me. When I was naked, he let his hand roam my body for a few seconds, down to my sex. He removed his hand and smiled at me, but I sat there as solid as a rock as I waited for him to let me walk, but I was a bit surprised when he grabbed me bridal-style and we made our way into the bathroom.

Idly, I wondered if he had done the same with my sister. My heart clenched at the thought, and though I’ve begged him many times to tell me if she was alive, I had no idea.

He put me down outside the shower, pulled back the curtains and stepped in, where he helped me get into. He made it so that I was facing him, so I kept my eyes on the wall behind his head. After I was allowed to wash my hair, he grabbed the lofa and started to wash my body. It stung my cuts and the pressure hurt the bruises but I bit my lip as I ignored it. “Spread your legs, princess.” He said. I did as he said as I kept my eye son the wall as he brought it between my legs.

He then gave the lofa to me and grinned. “Wash me, baby.” I hid my disgust before washing it off and then applying some more soap to it and told him to turn around. I started with his back and made my way around his body, making sure I stayed away from his lower region. But when I went to drop it, he grabbed my wrist tightly. I winced as his grasp on my bruises hurt a little more than usual but looked up at him to see what he wanted. “Kiss me.” He said his voice hoarse. My heart hammered inside my chest as I walked towards him to kiss his lips. He only smirked as I pulled away, his grip still on my wrist. ‘Not there, baby,” He said, moving my hand away from my body, down south to where his erection was. Bile rose up in my throat, but I swallowed it. “Here.” He said, as he took my fingers and wrapped them around him. “Now,” He barked out, his green eyes filled with want and lust. I nodded my head and dropped to my knees. I breathed in, closed my eyes and wrapped my lips around him.

__

“Evie,” My name was whispered into my ear. I was asleep, but I still heard it. The voice sent shivers down my spine and I pictured his green eyes. I sat up and screamed, jumping off the bed to the corner of the room, where I brought my legs up to my body and sobbed. My back was against the wall and my head rested on my knees, as my arms came to grab them to pull them closer, as if I could somehow disappear.

“Evelyn,” Someone said but I continued to sob into my arms. I didn’t dare open my eyes because I was afraid to, afraid to see where I was and who I was with. For all I knew was that I was back at his place, with his hard gaze watching me as I wept.

Arms wrapped around me and tried to pull me away from the corner, but I wasn’t budging. “Evelyn, please.” The voice begged me, but I didn’t move. “It’s Matt, please Evie…” I didn’t open my eyes because I thought that I as dreaming.

His arms fell away from me and then I heard something join my own—there was more crying, and I knew it was from me. These were more controlled, and masculine sobs. Warily, I pulled my head from my arms and saw my room—my red rug, my queen sized bed and a boy who sat before me, his head in his hands.

Mattie was crying; had I caused this? Was I the reason why he was crying? I moved from my spot in the corner and crawled over to him, where I took his hands from his face and moved them so that I could somehow crawl into his lap. I wrapped my arms around him and cried along with him as I buried my head into his neck. His arms wound around me, bringing me closer to his body.

I couldn’t believe I had coward away from him—him, of all people! “I’m so sorry,” He whispered hoarsely. “I’m sorry I left you, Evie, I’m so sorry!” I pulled away slowly so that I could see his face. I wiped at his cheeks as I caught at his tears. His eyes had been closed, but as soon as the pads of my thumbs touched his cheek bones, he opened them.

“It’s not your fault.” I said as I cupped his face. “It will never be your fault, so stop apologizing.” He closed his eyes; the last set of tears fell. I’ve never seen him cry before and you’d think that someone as tough as Matt didn’t cry. But here he was, a seventeen year old, crying. “Thank you,” I whispered as more tears fell from my face. I didn’t say more as my hands fell from his face, his lips meeting my forehead. I closed my eyes at the contact and pictured this as something else, something more.

Because, in that moment, I knew that my heart would be his—that it will always belong to him. He is my safety net, my security blanket—and he will always be that.

I woke up from my dream sweating and crying. I could feel Marcus beside me and knew that it was nighttime. I turned onto my side and curled up, the memory of Matt so heavy in my chest. I thought back to when I last saw him, to when he walked out on me when I told him I loved him. Where was he right now? Was he curled up in bed besides Brandi, with his arms wrapped around her and cherishing her?

I felt my chest tighten with my knew revelation: if I get out of here alive, I will move on. I will not become between him and Brandi anymore. If Matt had cared as much as I had, he wouldn’t have walked out that way.

I fisted the sheets beneath me as I kept my sobbing at bay.

Just as I was about to turn around, I noticed something sitting on top of the dresser. I squinted, as if that could help my eyesight and tried to make sense of what it was—it was silver that much I knew.

And then I saw it—a gun.