Just a Fool

I didn’t even dare look at my phone until I was on my way home. It was nearly midnight by the time I reached my car. It was cold and rainy now and I didn’t think to bring a sweater with me, so I got into my car and turned it on and waited for it to heat up so put on the heat. While I waited, I read several texts from Matt and skipped over the voicemails because I was pretty sure they all said the same thing the text messages said.

I sighed and decided that I couldn’t put this confrontation off any longer. So I backed out of my father’s drive way, our discussion on mind, and drove home.

--

“Dad!” I called out into the house as I set my keys down on the table. The house didn’t seem much too different from when I last stopped by, I did notice new pictures of my sisters up on the wall and some of my cousins, but that was about it.

“In here, Pumpkin!” I heard his voice shout back. I smiled and rolled my eyes. I tried to think about where his voice was coming from and decided he was probably working in his office.

“Dad, that doesn’t exactly tell me of your whereabouts.” I said back as I came to the hallways. Laughing to myself, I breathed in the scent of the home and could smell fresh linen—he must have just put out his candles.

“In the office, Eves, where else?” He commented back. I rolled my eyes and reached the door and leaned against the frame. His bright brown eyes hazed at me with love and curiosity. He stood up out of the chair and walked over. Immediately sensing that something was up, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my temple. “I’ve got some left over apple pie.” He said before pulling away from me. I grinned and followed him into the kitchen.

__

Dad looked at me with a sad look, “You know I love your mother with all my heart—I have since I was eighteen.” He winked and I stuffed the last bite of pie into my mouth. “And I can see, and know, that you love Matt just as much as I love your mother.” I sighed and playing around with my fork and empty plate.

“So how did you get the courage to say you loved her?” I asked for the millionth time in the past few years. “I’ve had moments where I have almost said it, but then something happens and I force it back and bite my tongue.”

Dad laughed, “I told you this story many time, Evie, but in the end it’s up to yourself. It’s a decision you have to make on your own—I won’t lie and say it isn’t scary, hell I was sweating so much I’m pretty sure I formed a puddle; in the end, though, we ended up married with three beautiful babies.”

I frowned, “And now?” I asked sadly.

He reached across the table and took my hand—I have always been such a daddy’s girl. My mother never understood why or even how I could have turned my back on her for divorcing my father, but that didn’t matter to me. Mom never truly understood me anyways—the only one who ever truly did was my father, aside of Mattie.

Dad grasped my hands in his and sighed. “You’re mother just needs to find out who she is again, baby, and I’m willing to let her do this because I love her.” I bit my bottom lip. “And right now, you need to let Matt make his decisions on who he wants to be and who he wants to spend his time with. If it’s with a hooker, Evelyn, then let it be—in the end, it would work out or it might not work out.”

I smiled at my father, “Thanks, Daddy,” I said, “I can always count on you.”

He grinned, “I’m starting to think you just want my apple pie.” He said and then winked. I laughed at him and rolled my eyes.

“Well, you do make a mean apple pie.” He grinned at me and I couldn’t help but notice how happy he was. Even though the only woman he has ever loved divorced him, he could still find his happy place. But couldn’t I?

__

I pulled into my driveway and turned the engine off and just sat there for a little bit and thought to myself. How long am I going to continue to act this way? I can’t keep acting like a jealous bitch when it comes to Brandi—I mean, I do live with Mattie and maybe if I just stopped this whole act, things would get better.

Yes, I love Matt with every fiber of my being and I will go to my grave feeling the same way—I just know it. You don’t just love somebody for seven years and just forget about it, as if it never really happened. If I am going to get Mattie to see the truth, I can’t keep telling him the things I know and expect him to believe me—though, he should, considering we’ve been best friends for many years—I need him to see it and then maybe something can really be.

Deciding it was already late enough and that I aggravated Matt enough, I chose to enter the house and decided to talk to him about how sorry I felt. Only, when I entered the house, Matt was already waiting for me and was ready to shout.

“I understand that I was in the wrong, Matt.” I began as I set the keys on our table, but before I could finish he interrupted me.

“Not only were you acting like we were seventeen again, but you drove off so fast you could have killed yourself. Do you have any idea about how unsafe you were when you peeled out of the driveway like that?” I sighed and bent over to remove my shoes. “I think that you owe Brandi an apology.”

I tamed my anger and the outburst I wanted to give before standing up straight to reply to him. “Mattie, I’ll apologize to her if she apologizes to me.”

“She barely deserved what she got in response, Evelyn.” He said. I grunted in response and went to walk by him.

“Whatever, Matthew, I don’t feel like arguing right now. I’m tired and I just want to take a shower.” When I went to walk past him, he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me to a stop and so that I was facing him. “Did you not just hear me, Matt?” I said.

“We are not finished with this conversation until you go and apologize to Brandi.” I groaned.

“And you are not my father,” I said as I yanked my arm out of his hand. “You do not tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.”

“You wouldn’t listen to him anyways, Evelyn.” He said coldly.

“Enough, Matt!” I said, “You would have done the same!” I went to walk away, but I turned around in the heat of the moment. “And who are you to tell me I am an unsafe driver? Was it not you who raced Brian on the highway just the other night?”

“This is different, Evie!” He snapped back. “You could have gotten hurt, or damaged something or someone!”

“To hell it is, Matt!” I countered. “You sound like a hypocrite—just stop.”

Just then, Brandi came down the stairs in just one of Matt’s t-shirts and sighed. Her bright eyes were on Matt as she made her way towards him, her hand on his arm. “Mattie, she’s fine, okay? Can you just come back to bed now?”

I grunted, “Jesus, Brandi, I can fight my own battles.”

She rolled her eyes, “Obviously, you can’t because he would be in bed with me right now.” She said, making sure the word ‘me’ was clearly defined, as if it were meant to be rubbed into my face—which, clearly, it was. I tried to ignore the pain that her words etched onto my heart, to ignore the fact that reality right now bites.

“What you did was wrong, Evelyn.” Matt said, ignoring Brandi’s statement. I groaned and ran my hands down my face before pointing at him.

“Don’t try and tell me what I do is wrong, Mathew!” I snapped, “Because, clearly, you can’t tell what is right and what is wrong—otherwise, she wouldn’t be standing here right now.” I turned on my heel and headed towards my bedroom, where Amber told me she and Sarah would be.

I marched up to my room—Yes, Matt and I lived together. We just thought it would be cheaper, considering the fact that either way we’d be over each other’s house every day. Maybe it was a bad decision on my behalf, only because I should have known where we would be today, or rather where our hearts would be. I had thought that someday, somewhere, we’d be together, finally—just the two of us. I didn’t think I’d be fighting with his girlfriend, though, I didn’t think of the heartache that it would cause either one of us.

When I got to my room both Amber and Sarah were sprawled out on the king sized bed. I sighed, removed my clothes of the day and pulled on my PJ’s. As I did so, I couldn’t help but let the realization hit—I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell him how I feel, or rather have him feel the same way as I do.

So deciding it was best to just ignore it, and to try sleeping with my broken heart, I nudged Amber and whispered, “Move over, hoe.” I smiled a little when she grunted and called me a bitch before pushing closer to Sarah, who was literally on the wall.

And even with everything on my mind, I still found a way to pass out without thinking of everything that happened today.