Give Me Your Heart and Your Hand and We Can Run.

(Tony's p.o.v)

I can't keep this up. I don't know what to do.

This is all my fault.

I felt torn between two people I've come to love deeply, and still continue to drag them along with me.

Eric says he's fine with it, being a secret, but I know it's something that bothers him. I hate to put him through this, he says he seems like a burden.

Jaime, who still has no idea of everything that's happened, says he worries about me when I'm not there, and it makes me feel worse because I really never spend any quality time with him. All I do is try to make things better with sex and I know that won't help me solve any main problems.

Sometimes, I really regret ever coming to San Diego.

I love Jaime, I really do. Every kiss, hug, "I love you" , his giggle when I complement him, the way he smiles whenever I wake up and he's laying right next to me, everything about him, I love greatly.

But when I'm with Eric, it feels secret; forbidden. It only makes me want it more.

I can't help but worry about Jaime finding out.

He would be heartbroken.

He would hate me.

He would start to question himself just like he used to when we first got together.

He would be broken.

Broken because of me.

I know that I can't continue the things I've been doing, but how do I stop? Just tell Eric we're done and walk up to Jaime and say, 'oh hey I just wanted to let you know I've been cheating on you for over a month now, but I told Eric it was over"?

It makes me feel like a monster.

I move to San Diego preparing to be invisible through high school and the moment I open my mouth I'm stuck between a best friend- and boyfriend- and a secret flame that's getting to hot to handle.

I guess you could say I deserve it. That's what I get for going against my word.

I don't even talk to Josh anymore, or Oliver for that matter. I know they know, I know Josh knew it was us, and I know he won't keep the secret a secret for much longer.

"Hey dude, you alright?"

I looked over at Kyle, who was giving me a confused look. We were sitting in the hallway, waiting for the dean.

"Yeah, just lost in thought." Kyle nodded and quickly turned his head at the sound of the opening doors.

Jaime walked in, Vic walking close behind him. They were laughing, and their hands were locked together. Kyle hadn't been paying attention, but I definitely noticed them.

"Vic, that doesn't make any sense. You would need to calculate the cost of production first before mass producing. And what about profit?"

Vic laughed as they continued walking. "There you go again, with your nerd talk."

Jaime rolled his eyes. As they were about to turn down the hall, Josh stepped out in front of them. Even in distance, I could see he was staring straight at me, eyes screaming "I'll tell him."

My breath caught, and I knew I couldn't walk over and eavesdrop, that would seem suspicious. I stayed in place, watching the three talk before Josh patted Jaime's back and walk towards me. Jaime and Vic disappeared from sight as the British boy moved closer down the hallway. I stood up, careful not to wake the now asleep Kyle. Josh only smiled as he watched me stand.

"What was that about?" I growled.

Josh scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I can't have small talk? They are my friends, you know."

"Sure, and that's why you were staring at me the entire time."

Josh changed his stance, crossing his arms. "It's been a month, Perry. I should have told him the minute I saw y'all. What you're doing is wrong. Not just to Jaime, but Eric as well. It's going to backfire, just watch. They'll both see the monster you are, and they'll leave you."

I clenched my fists. "What. Did. You. Say. To. Him."

"Oh, absolutely nothing. I've come to realize now that it really isn't mine to say anymore. It's your problem, and it's your fault. Get what you give."

Before I could say anything back, Josh quickly spun on his heel, walking away just as the bell rang. I really didn't feel like being here anymore, so I grabbed my bag, sneaking down the hall to Jaime's locker and writing him a note.

Dearest Jaime,
School sucks, and I really don't like the fact that I'm torturing myself here, so I'm going home to the comfort of my couch and the warmth of an xbox controller. I bet you're rolling your eyes as you're reading that. I love you lots, and I promise to constantly bug you the minute you get out of school.
p.s. If Ms. Colly asks, I'm sick. It's my third time ditching. :)
Love, Tone

I slipped it into the side of his locker, hoping he'd see it. I sneaked my way out of the hall and through the side door, walking out in the cold outside world. I walked to my car, throwing my bag in the passenger seat and turning on the engine.

As I passed my street, I turned down the second on the left to Eric's. He was playing hooky too and I thought I'd join him.

I parked in front of the white one story house, texting him and sitting on the oak bench. The door opened not long after, and Eric grinned at me.

"I had a feeling you'd be coming."

I grinned, leaning to kiss him. "You know me too well."

~

I stayed with Eric all day, staying in from the cold. Even though I spent so much time with him, it never felt like it was enough. We did what we normally did, played xbox, made out, other things, and repeat. Not only was he my boyfriend, he was becoming my best friend.

It was after six when I had decided to stay the night. We were laying in Eric's messy bed, Eric laying close to my side while I held him by the waist.

"Hey, Tony?"

I looked down at Eric, who had turned his head to face me directly. "Yeah?"

"How, how long are you going to keep this up? I'm not trying to ruin the moment, but it's a question that's been eating at me the day we got together."

I tensed, looking up at the ceiling.

"I, I don't know. But I will tell you this, when I'm with you, I get this feeling in me. One that I never get with Jaime. I love you, Eric, and I'm so sorry I've put you two through this." I moved closer and kissed his forehead.

I felt him tense up like I had earlier, and mumbled about going to the restroom. He got up from the bed, walking out of the room and going down the hall. I sighed.

Leave it to me to fuck everything up for third time in my pathetic life.

Once he came back, I tried cuddling with him, but he wouldn't let me.

I couldn't sleep, the guilt was eating me alive.

I turned over, smiling softly at the now asleep Eric. His arm was behind the pillow and the other around his stomach. He always slept in the weirdest positions. I tried cuddling with him, but even in his unconsciousness, he turned and moved away from me.

It was four in the morning and class was in eight hours.

And I really didn't feel like being here anymore.