How to Save a Life

For the next two months, things continue in a similar fashion to your first night. Every day, the guys take you to some of their favorite spots in cities they’ve visited before. Every night, there is a new show, a new crowd, a new experience. Sometimes, everyone goes out after the show for drinks or brings the party back to the bus, and the guys make sure you never feel left out. Afterwards, whether it’s eleven o’clock or four in the morning, you all crash in your bunks while the bus rolls on to its next destination. There’s only one flaw in this perfect lifestyle:

Every day, you fall more and more in love with Alex.

At first, it was the fangirl kind of love. But then, as you got to know him, it grew deeper, and now you love everything about about him. You love the way he bends over when he laughs too hard; you love the way he curls up when he sleeps; you love the he eats his cereal and the way his hair sticks up in the mornings. You love the way he says your name, the way he never fails to make you laugh, how he goes out of his way to help you however he can.

He’ll never feel the same way.

You know how many girls are in love with him, you know he could have someone prettier, someone nicer, funnier, smarter, someone who isn’t broken.

But still, you can’t help but wish.

However, you manage to suppress your feelings on the outside as you two grow closer. Soon, although you have only known him a short while, you are already best friends. Whenever you two are separated for any reason, he texts you. When you’re together, he is always glued to your side. At first, this was heaven, but soon a nagging suspicion began to grow in the back of your mind.

He’s only doing this to make sure you’re still safe.

Although no one has mentioned it, neither have they forgotten how you came to the tour in the first place. Sometimes, when you are sitting on a couch and purposely withdrawing from human contact, you’ll catch someone looking at you with a concerned expression on their face. Alex and. Flyzik are the most prone to this. Despite Flyzik’s worrying when you first arrived, the two of you have grown quite close. He has taken to looking out for you when Alex forgets or is busy. You have come to see Matt as the older brother you have never had.

Jack, Zack, and Rian have also become surprisingly close to you. You and Jack have a standing Friday night “date” where the two of you watch movies, alternating who gets to choose. Rian often joins you, and the three of you will stay up all night having popcorn fights and making jokes about the rest of the guys. Zack is the quiet one, and you don’t spend time with him so much, but he has an eerily accurate sense of intuition and you know you can trust him with anything. He is the only one who has guessed how you feel about Alex, but he keeps quiet about it, much to your relief. All three of the guys go out of their way to make you feel at home, and to keep you feeling good about yourself. You can tell they worry about you.

While all their worryings are mostly groundless, they are not entirely off the mark. Your depression is still there. It comes mostly in the form of insecurity- seeing beautiful girls hitting on Alex every night at concerts takes a toll on your self-esteem. Often, you skip a meal, feigning a full belly, wanting to shed just a few more pounds, because then, maybe, you’ll be good enough.