Daydreamer (Twist)

It’s really hard when you feel something for someone that is beyond like but you can’t even tell this someone you feel so strongly for them because it would make a big mess of everything and the worst thing was that you would lose them in the process. To add up to the pile that you’re both guys, that surely wouldn’t go down so well.

That’s exactly what Sefriel’s predicament with his best friend Ernest. They had been friends since they were two according to their mothers, who had put them in the same daycare center.

Ernest was six months older than Sefriel, a tall guy with black wavy locks and green smoky eyes, a breathtaking image for the frail, small Sefriel, who had blue orbs to match his blonde mop.

He always complains about his height, something that he was always made fun of. A meager 5’2” that he always have to stretch his neck up to look at the raven haired boy who towers at 6’1”. Almost a foot of height difference that kids at school dubbed them ‘David and Goliath’, but of course Sefriel got all the thrashing.

True to its form Ernest often glares at the bullies to scare them away. Stupid jocks as he calls them. He hates that those idiots always torment his cute, adorable friend whenever he’s not there to protect him. Sefriel’s too nice for his own good.

“Sef, bud you need to stand up to those jerks or else they’d never stop pushing you around.” He often told him.

“Ern just let them be. They’d get tired of it sooner or later. You’ll see.” was his always soft reply.

Sefriel smiled when he heard Ernest’s usual groan of disapproval when they talk about this issue.

“This is the reason why people take advantage of you.” Ernest retaliated though Sefriel was kind he’s undoubtedly stubborn. Just like now, he just threw a smile his way and told him to forget about it.

“Yeah, whatever. I gotta go, need to come with Mel to the Hospital. Her sister was admitted yesterday. She needs me for support.” He winked at the small boy in front of him before he waved goodbye with a toothy grin, minutes later and he was driving out the school gates.

Sefriel’s heart twisted and turn as he whispered ‘goodbye’ in the empty lot. His heart skipped a beat when he remembered Ernest’s smile but was back to clenching painfully when the reason why he left dawned.

Melissa was Ernest’s girlfriend, they have been together for almost a year now. And for almost a year Sefriel was hurting.

-

“Hey buddy! How was your weekend?” Ernest asked as he came to a stop at Sefriel’s locker.

“Not too bad. Boring, yours?” he smiled when he heard Ernest chuckle, he closed the locker only to have his smile slump a little when he saw Melissa, arms around Ernest’s waist, far too comfortable for Sefriel’s liking.

“Hello Sefriel.” She greeted nicely and Sefriel felt guilty because Melissa was honestly a good person but he couldn’t help but feel jealous for reasons unknown to the people in front of him.

“Hey Melissa.” He greeted back with forced smile, something that he was used to do nowadays. He did it so well that even Ernest couldn’t tell the difference from the real thing.

“Weekend was nice by the way.” Ernest answered his almost forgotten question. He has this suspicious glint in his eyes that made Sefriel’s heart thumping.

Of course, he and Melissa would be together like they always do ever since they’ve been together for four months. They’ve started getting closer and intimate and Sefriel just knew why that is.

He couldn’t continue the façade anymore, he knew he will soon breakdown, so before that happened he excused himself. Thankful that his next class wasn’t with one of them.

He hurriedly went to the boy’s bathroom and locked himself in one of the cubicles. As soon as he closed the door, a tear made its way down his face and many soon followed, cascading down like a waterfall that just seemed endless.

He had always been like this. Ever since he was 16 and realized his feelings for Ernest was greater and deeper than he thought. Then just moments after he saw him making out with a random girl that he met at the party. He cried and cried all night, up in the room where a couple stumbled in their drunken stupor and didn’t mind his deadly glare.

He’s always so pathetic when Ernest is with someone. It was better at first because no relationship lasted longer than two months but right now with Melissa, he could see Ernest was serious with her.

He never flirted with anyone since they’ve been together.

Maybe Ernest thinks that Melissa was the one, especially when it was obvious that they’ve done the nasty. And that thought alone kills Sefriel, so much that his tears that have slowed down were fast flowing once again.

-

Another month has passed and Sefriel’s brave front was slowly falling to the cracks. He’s steadily losing his will to act like everything’s normal around Ernest anymore. It broke him bit by bit, the happiness and love shining on Ernest’s eyes, not because of him and not for him.

He thought of just avoiding his best friend but when he tried, it didn’t work out too well. Ernest may have had a normal, mundane day but he truly didn’t. He missed him too much. It actually scared him, the want and need gnawing at him like a hungry monster.

He’s afraid that he might do something stupid if didn’t put a stop to his feelings. He considered two choices that were swimming in his brain, one, forget about his feelings for Ernest and continue being his annoying best friend. A choice that was just too painful to choose or he could just simply tell. Like it was actually that simple, tell him and be done with it.

That would be nice really, if the consequences weren’t too complicated. Ernest could laugh at him and say he’s okay with it but couldn’t return his feelings. Or he could get mad and be grossed out, that wouldn’t be pretty.

Or maybe, Sefriel feeling a little bit hopeful thought that the older boy would return his feelings, which made him frown the moment it passed him.

Ernest was ‘is’ very happy with Melissa after all.

-

Another drunken night, a night when he could just forget and pretend that everything’s okay. He was at Akira’s house, the half-Japanese half-French, who once had confessed his feelings for Sefriel.

The reason of why the thought of dating a guy even crossed his mind, when he wondered why he never was attracted to a girl before. It was that confusion that opened up the door for the notion, ‘I don’t think I could date Akira but if it was Ernest though…'

He turned him down of course, but they became very good friends.

Said friendship was what brought then to this situation tonight. Sefriel a bottle of beer in hand long forgotten as he was rambling nonchalantly while a half dazed Akira listened.

“It’s a good thing that we became friends you know…” He slurred and Akira just nodded, letting him know that he heard him.

“If not you I don’t think I’ll have anyone to talk to about this. I… I just love him you know. But he doesn’t know it!” he was almost yelling though he didn’t need to be since they were in the garden sprawled out on the grass, the blasting music inside the house could barely be heard.

“He doesn’t care for me like I do him.” He said, cut halfway when he hiccupped. He was known to never handle his alcohol so well and he had drank more than his fill tonight.

“I’ll just forever be his pathetic best friend. Sometimes… the-there are times… I t-think… he may get tired of s-saving me from those jerks wh-ho kept pestering me. Th-then he’ll leave me and be with Melissa.. She’s so beautiful… I’m jealous.” He kept on. Not caring that Akira was already softly snoring halfway his rant.

“Will he really leave me?” his tone was softer now, a little sad and almost above a whisper. Almost unheard but the figure lurking behind the shadow surely caught them.

A moment later a gentle sob could be heard while words were uttered that would pang anyone’s heart with the pain they conjure. “He will leave me… He’ll leave me for sure.”

Soft, broken murmurs of anguish were repeated until he lay bare and unconscious on the ground, cold mist crept up and the bottle of poison left leaking for the earth to taste its bitter sweetness.

His body was lifted and carried home to the safety of his warm bed.