Primus Amor.

Two hours has passed since my accidental phone call with the Louis Tomlinson from that huge boy band called One Direction. Accidental? Why you may ask, and I’ve got a somewhat explanation for this.

I sat on my phone.

I know. How and why? I was rushing to get to my class and somehow my phone landed under my butt and the moment I got it back from the hidden depths I saw that I accidentally pressed the call button to a random number. I was about to end it when it was answered by none other than him. Lovely. I should have an award for being the clumsiest person on earth.

In the end, I thanked him for returning my phone back to me and he decided to flirt with me and have some fun for a little while. Louis was a good guy but I wasn’t ready to open up to him just yet. Actually, I don’t even know if I could open up to people without blubbering out something incomprehensible.

One whole class passed by with my head half in the clouds because of my stupid mistake that could have cost me my dignity. Rather, what was left of it? I kept replaying our conversation in my head and I wondered if I should have just kept some of my remarks to myself. I may have offended him and if I did, who knows? But he did say he liked talking to me… was it another joke of his?

I let out another sigh and placed my hand under my chin, looking straight ahead with my head caught up in a web full of confusion and complication. The white board stared at me with such intensity with its bleak shiny outward appearance. I blinked at it and let out another breath. Why did I even care so much about one single phone call?

“Portia!”

The voice was familiar and I wasn’t sure whether I should puke at the sound of it or be comforted. I collected myself, pushing away thoughts of Louis and the phone call to the back of my mind before turning around to face Carmela Roaze.

Carmela Roaze was Trina’s friend which in turn makes me her friend, at least that’s how she sees it. As for me, I only see her as one of those superficial girls who did anything just to get what they want. The moment Trina introduced me to her; I knew that I wouldn’t like her. Trina kept insisting that she was a nice girl and that she was a true friend whenever I told her that I didn’t like her but deep down inside, she was a cruel woman. I just had this indescribable gut feeling which was more or less right.

The only good thing about her was that she was easy to talk to. Whenever I get so bored she would be there to have small chat with me and I wouldn’t mind it. That is, until an unwanted topic comes up. For example, she brings up Katy Myers and how she got pregnant which caused her to drop out of Uni. I didn’t like to talk about other people’s lives behind their backs. I wanted to hear the story from the person who experienced it first hand. I didn’t like the storytelling kind. It never comes out right.

I narrowed my eyes at the girl who was frantically waving at me from the back of the classroom. Her brown hair spilled like waves around her shoulders and her lips were coated with light pink color. She smiled brightly at me and motioned for me to come over with her hand.

I raised my eyebrow and looked around the room. All the others were chatting since they've got nothing else to do… until the bell rang that would signal that we were finally free. Of literature. Our teacher left us alone ten minutes ago and the school had a strict rule implemented regarding time. We can only leave the classroom once the bell has rung.

“Come on Samuels!” She yelled again, her tone getting impatient. A few students turned around to face us and I was suddenly abashed. I hated the attention. It felt weird whenever people looked at me and I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. With a huff, I gathered my belongings and trudged up the steps to go talk with Carmela.

I stopped a good distance away from her group of friends, who were quite well-known in this campus, and smiled sheepishly at them. I clutched the folder I was holding and leaned back on one of the tables near them.

“Portia! So good to see you!” Carmela approached me and threw her skinny arms around my small body. The scent of roses filled my nostrils and I almost gagged. She pulled away rather quickly and showed me another set of pearly whites. The corners of her mouth looked as if they were being pulled by imaginary strings and I wasn’t sure if it was forced or not.

I cleared my throat and ran a shaky hand through my hair.

“Nice to see you too Carmela. What’s up?” I was going to keep things casual. I didn’t really want to be part of her crowd.

She grinned at me and motioned for me to come closer to the group. I groaned inwardly and pursed my lips, coming closer to the bunch that was looking at me with curious eyes. Some of their faces were familiar but I couldn’t put a name to the different faces I saw. The only named I remembered was of Samantha Walters who was in 3 of my classes. We said ‘hi’ to each other every now and then but nothing too special.

“So! Is it true that Richard and Trina are over?” She asked in a very high, shrilly voice.

I was not expecting that.

My jaw went slack as soon as the words left her mouth. Her friends stared at me with the intensity of a lion observing their prey. How did they know? Rather, since when did news spread this fast? It was a good thing Trina wasn’t here. I don’t think she’d be able to handle all the questions being thrown at her.

I shuffled nervously and let my eyes dart across the room. I could feel Carmela’s curious stare on me the whole time and if she stared any longer I would turn into a puddle. Should I tell them? Maybe… I took a deep breath and nodded my head.

“Yeah. They broke up.” I mumbled, biting my lip nervously. I shifted from one foot to the other and waited for what was coming next.

I heard Carmela yelp in delight as the people around me started to comment on their relationship. I saw her clasp her hands together as she spun around, telling her friends that her prediction was right. Some said that they should have seen it coming knowing that Richard was getting too ahead of himself for dating one of the most popular girls on campus. Others were totally shocked that one of the perfect couples had just ended while others (the guys) were talking on how to get to her first now that she was single and all.

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked at the wall to my left, trying to contain my snarky remarks. I didn’t like how the guys were talking about Trina. It was as if she was just a toy and now that the previous owner got tired of her, they were going to do everything they can to get to her. It sickened me.

I glanced at them again and saw Carmela animatedly telling them how and why they broke up. I wasn’t sure where she got the information from but not everything was true. In her version, they broke up because Richard told her they didn’t love each other any more. Looks like someone left out one major detail…

I could see how happy Carmela was as she told Trina’s story that was half-true, half-false. The sparkle in her eye bothered me. She glanced at me and gave me a grin.

The bell rang which signaled that “class” was officially over and that we were free to go. I watched the group stand up and walk down the steps, still conversing about Trina’s failed relationship. How are they her friends again?

Carmela stopped by next to me and patted my shoulder gently.

“Thanks for clearing that up. I’ll see you later yeah?” She grinned at me and skipped away, not giving me a chance to reply.

The students rushed out of the classroom, desperately trying to get to their next class. I stood there a bit astounded as to what happened. She only talked to me to ask if Trina broke up and she didn’t even know the whole story! What kind of friend was she? If I were her, I would have called Trina the moment I knew what happened and ask her all about it.

I sighed and looked down, biting my lip. I hope Trina wouldn’t mind that I just told her friend that she and Richard broke up.

“Are you alright?”

I quickly looked up and saw Samantha looking at me with a worried expression written across her face. Her blond hair was tied up into a messy bun and her grey eyes looked down at me with concern.

“Um, fine.” I muttered, shrugging in attempt to make it look like nothing was bothering me. She narrowed her eyes but decided to let it go.

“Oh. You’ve got Science as your next class yeah?”

I racked my head from my schedule and found myself nodding.

“Yup.”

“Walk with me?”

Before I could even think about it I nodded my head and agreed.

“Sure.”

She smiled sweetly at me and walked down the steps with me trailing behind her. I brought my books closer to my chest as I looked down on my feet, my thoughts getting the best of me. I wasn’t sure why I agreed right away. Maybe it was because I needed companionship? Or maybe it was because I was taking Cheska’s tip seriously? There was one thing for sure though, I was a bit happy that I wasn’t walking to class alone this time.

Samantha waited for me by the front door, her back leaning casually on it. I skipped down the steps and hurried to where she stood, wondering if she got annoyed at me. When I arrived she looked at me and walked out. I followed.

We slipped out of the classroom only to be mixed up with hundreds of students trying to find their way to their next class. I rushed to catch up with Samantha who was gaining speed by the second. I should have called out for her but somehow I’ve lost my voice. I sighed and looked down, avoiding people. My thoughts wandered back to Trina’s situation as well as my embarrassing phone call with Sir Tomlinson. Why must I always dwell on those two things?

“Let me try this again, are you alright?” I looked up again to see Samantha looking at me with a perturbed expression. She stopped walking in the middle of the hallway, waiting for me to catch up with her. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and shrugged again.

“I’m fine really. I just have a lot of things in my head right now but thanks for your concern.” I replied hastily, with a tight-lipped smile on my face. She raised her eyebrow again and let out a sigh.

“Okay. Just know that you can tell me about it. I’m not like Carmela.” She pointed out giving me a knowing look. I cracked a smile and nodded. It was nice to know she wasn’t like that girl.
“Thanks Samantha.”

“Honey, you can call me Sam. That name is three syllables long and it’s a pain to say it! Anyway, I’m sorry about Trina and Richard. I hope she feels better.” She sent me a sad smile while I nodded.

We started walking to our next class and it was nice to finally talk to someone. The last few days were spent with me bundling up my voice down my throat. I only talked to Trina and a few classmates who needed help. I wasn’t exactly the social butterfly but at the very least the people here respected me.

“I’ll tell Trina about it. Oh and just so you know Carmela has the story wrong.” I added, wanting to clear things up. Sam looked at me with wide eyes clearly not believing me.

“Really?”

Why do they always believe the “popular” ones?

“Yeah. I’m not sure if I should be telling you this but they broke up because she caught Richard hooking up with Chelsea at her party yesterday.” I blurted feeling a little uncomfortable that I was doing so. It was Trina’s story not mine but I wanted to get the truth out there. I have to tell Trina later.

I watched Sam’s expression as I told her this. Her lips were pursed and her eyes were looking straight-ahead. Sam was a few inches taller than me and was an all around student. She was smart and very active in extra-curricular activities but she was nice. She’s not the stereotypical blonde you see in movies or read in books.

“It kind of makes sense.” She murmured.

Students passed us by, chattering loudly as if everyone was deaf and they all had to scream out loud what they were saying. I licked my lips and walked faster, trying to keep up with Sam who had long strides. I had to strain to figure out what she was saying and once I caught it I was confused.

“How?” I asked out loud, wondering why she said that. Sam shrugged and fixed her bag.

“Well, I saw Richard go out with Chelsea a couple of times in Nando’s and now that you mentioned it, it made sense. I thought it was something for school but apparently not so.” She said off handedly, like it was some well-known fact. It wasn’t.

“Oh.” Was all I could say at her statement. This meant that this rendezvous of theirs was a constant thing and it happened before Trina saw the two of them making out. That son of a bitch! How dare he play with Trina’s heart like that? I know that this wasn’t my problem or anything but she was my cousin. I couldn’t bear to know that a dick like him would pull off a move behind her back. My hands gripped my bag tighter as I thought of the countless ways I could murder him but then I doubt I could actually do it.

“I know. It’s a shock. Okay, change of topic. How’s the survey Trina’s been working on?” I snapped out of my daydream, where in I was hitting Richard with Trina’s purses, and looked at Sam with a confused expression.

“What?” Sam merely rolled her eyes before digging her manicured hand into her bag again. She took out a piece of paper which was crumpled and creased. She unfolded it and handed it over to me. With a raised eyebrow, I took it and quickly scanned the paper. Oh. She was talking about that paper.

“So?” She pressed, looking at me expectantly.

I let out a shaky laugh and shrugged.

“Um, doing well I guess. I didn’t know you got the survey too.” My eyes grazed down the paper which was half-blank. She only answered two questions as far as I saw. I found out that she didn’t believe in love at first sight and that love fucking hurts. Sam laughed as I handed the paper back to her. She shoved it in her bag and licked her lips, a smile forming.

“Honey, she kind of gave everyone in class the same paper. Are you done answering it?”

The question I tried to avoid just happened to pop up.

“Not exactly. I’m having trouble answering it.” She looked at me oddly before turning right. We were already a foot away from our class. This conversation will drop soon and I hope it would now. I preferred to keep my non-existent love life a secret.

“Why? Never been in love?” She joked while I bit my lip, looking away. I kept my mouth shut and looked down at my feet.

“No way.” I looked up at saw her looking at me with wide eyes. Was it really that hard to believe that I’m the kind of person who just doesn’t deal with love? I find it way too confusing and complicated.

“Uh, yes way?”

“But, but how?! I mean, don’t you ever had that certain feeling you get whenever you’re with someone special? I mean—uh oh dear. Don’t guys go to you?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

“Guys only come to me for school stuff and the teasing and names. It’s really that simple. And I would have to say that I’m not pretty. Compared to Trina, I’m just plain, reliable Portia. I’ve got dull brown hair and the same dull eyes. An okay body… nothing special. I also doubt that they’d be interested in me in a romantic way.”

After that I took a deep breath and composed myself. I don’t know why Sam found it a little hard to believe that I’ve never been in a relationship. It wasn’t my thing. What is love anyway? I know it’s a feeling but what exactly is it?

Sam was shaking her head as she narrowed her eyes down at me. It wasn’t hard to tell that she found this situation completely and utterly ridiculous.

“Portia you’re a great girl! I’m sure there were a few guys who liked you. They were just too afraid to admit it. Oh and I apologize for my reaction earlier but just… it’s a little hard to take in. You’ve got to have at least a crush back in high school yeah? That could help you answer the survey.”

Now that she mentioned it, it could help me answer it. The only thing that stopped me from doing so was that it wasn’t love. Why do I push myself to do things that I know I can’t exactly do? I just nodded my head to avoid any more pressing questions from Sam. She was a nice girl but like I said, I wasn’t ready to open up.

“Yeah, thanks for the help.” I replied, giving her a smile.

“No problem. It’s for Trina as well you know.” She pointed out. I nodded my head and looked down on my feet again.

That kind of ended our conversation. She didn’t ask anymore about the survey or anything related to that. I was thankful. I didn’t have to talk and be awkward about expressing myself to her.

After a minute of walking or so, we arrived at our destination. We walked inside the classroom, still silent, and made our way to our seats. The students were hunched over their books, reading a few pages either to review or to cram. I sat down on my seat and dug into my bag for my homework as well as my book. Sam sat next to me and did the same, already flipping through the pages of her book. I began to stare at her, trying to figure out why she talked to me, which she noticed after a few seconds. She smiled at me before going back to what she was doing earlier. I looked away with a red tinge on my cheeks, embarrassed that she caught me staring.

The class started and all of us did our business: listen, take notes and participate. The class was treacherously slow and once it was over, Sam told me that she had to go now for Economics which left me alone with Math. We didn’t have anymore classes afterwards and so we part. I was a little sad that I would have to spend my day alone with little to no communication at all with my block mates. This could be resolved with a little bit of confidence but that won’t happen unless I see a download link in mediafire.

All in all the day went painfully slow. The subjects seemed to go on forever and only a few things stuck by in my mind. My notes were carelessly scribbled in my notebook and I practically shoved all of the papers in my bag. Loads of homework and reading assignments were piled on top of the other and I just had to be the giver of homework my cousin missed.

As the day progressed, I forgot many things. I forgot about my uneasiness towards Carmela Roaze, I forgot about Sam’s pressing questions and most of all, I forgot Richard and Trina… but most of all, I forgot about Louis.