Dedication Takes a Lifetime, But Dreams Only Last for a Night

I walked up the path to my house grinning to myself like a fool. I was still in shock of the fact that Alex had opened up to me so easily and seemed to be trusting me already. It was a nice feeling - knowing that you could be easily trusted and relied on. He'd been through a lot, I realised that from what he'd been telling me, but in a sense, it only made him cuter. I'd do anything to make him happy. If only Alex knew what lengths I would go to just to put a smile on his face...
Recently, I'd been feeling genuinely happy myself, which wasn't something that I'd felt in a long time. My Mom had convinced herself that I had depression a while ago, seeing as I never really enjoyed anything in life anymore, I wasn't one to socialise, and I'd lock myself away in my room instead of going out with Rian and Zack. All this had changed these past few weeks though, and Mom seemed to be changing her mind on things as well. I was relieved.
Alex being there made me feel content as well. He made me smile. He was the main reason that I pushed myself to go to school these days (going to school meant I could see him "in the flesh".) Alex was the one reason for the sudden change in my mood, but nobody knew that apart from me. But right now, the one thing that I had on my mind, was whether he'd like the CD I gave him. I was well aware that the idea I'd had was fairly stupid, but if Alex agreed to it and liked my thinking, it could go smoothly. If he didn't like the CD, then hey, at least he wasn't going to suddenly stop being my friend. Either way, he said he'd give it a listen as soon as he got home and text me right away, and I couldn't focus on anything else.

I pushed my front door open and kicked my shoes off, pushing them underneath the coat hooks.
"I'm home Mom!" I yelled into the kitchen, where she was usually found.
"Hi Jack!" Mom shouted back.
"I'll be upstairs in my room if you need me." I informed her as I made my way up the stairs and to my room.
"Okay." She replied briefly. The fact that she wasn't questioning me on how my day had gone was confusing me, but I shrugged it off. I was probably over thinking things as per usual.
I walked into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. Unzipping my hoodie and throwing it on the floor, I collapsed back on to my bed and let out a heavy sigh. A sigh of happiness, if anything. I reached my hand into my pocket, taking out my phone and holding it in the air above my face. I looked at the time. 3.45. I began wondering about whether Alex would be home yet, or even listening to the CD I gave him. I rolled my eyes at myself and my thoughts and threw my phone down onto the bed beside me. I got up and walked over to my desk, opening up my laptop and turning it on. I waited in silence, staring at the floor nervously. I didn't know why I had tensed up as I had no reason to. I shook my head and glanced back at my laptop screen before opening up the internet and logging in to my emails. I had one new email from Rian that had been sent 5 minutes ago. I clicked on it and arched my eyebrows in a confused manner. Rian never emailed me, or anyone else for that matter. I squinted as I read the message in front of me.

"Ring me man i heard something about you lol
i want to check if you knew about it so yeah! ring me thanks
nothing important so dont panic!"

Despite being told not to panic, I automatically went into panic mode. I felt paranoid all of a sudden. Scared, even. I stood up and walked over to my bed, picking up my phone and clicking the button on the side to turn it on. I went into my contacts, scrolling down until I found Rian, and rang him. I took a deep breath and felt my hand shaking. I knew I was being idiotic. I had nothing to be scared of, and whatever he'd heard probably wasn't true. It was most likely one of those kids who had been bullying me for the past several years. I jumped as I heard Rian's voice on the other end of the phone.
"Hey buddy!" Rian said. I could almost hear the grin that I knew he had stretched across his face.
"Go on. Spit it out." I ordered, my voice shaking as I spoke.
"Chill man! It's just something I was talking to Alex about at break. Where were you at break anyway?" Rian questioned me. I chuckled under my breath.
"I just had to nip somewhere. Nowhere special. How was PE?" I asked. I wanted to know what Alex had been saying about me, but I didn't want him to feel like Alex was all I cared about nowadays.
"Oh, PE was great. Don't you worry about telling me where you were. I've heard it all already." He laughed. I froze as I heard what he said. What had Alex been saying?!
"Huh?" I made a noise, questioning what Rian had just said.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about..." Rian replied, pausing as if I should know what he was on about.
"Talk to me about what?" I inquired, feeling slightly on edge.
"Don't tell Alex I told you, because I can tell that you obviously have no clue," Rian warned me before laughing awkwardly, "He was talking to me at break about you. About how you're the first person who's ever seemed to care about him so much and that he might... yknow... like you... as more than a friend. He said that he trusted me with something like that, and that I wasn't to tell you."
I went silent and a smile crept on to my face, unsure myself whether it was a genuine smile or not. I didn't know whether to feel happy, relieved, worried, confused, or even doubt what Rian was saying to me.
"You must've got it wrong!" I exclaimed, secretly hoping that he hadn't.
"Oh, I really haven't. Come on Jack, I know plain well that you like him back!" Rian stated seriously. I groaned as I gave in to him.
"Fine. Yes, I like him Rian. I like him a lot, and I don't know what to do about it." I blurted out, taking a deep breath.
"Calm down, man. Can I come over after school tomorrow?" Rian asked me. I was relieved that he'd asked me that, because I needed to talk to someone about how I felt. Rian was the only person I could trust when it came to anything like that. Rian was my best friend, and I made that very clear. I loved Zack as a best friend too, but I didn't have the same relationship with him as I did with Rian. Plus, I knew that he was no good when it came to talking about serious issues - he wasn't the best at advice, to say the least.
"Sure thing. I'm sorry buddy." I said.
"Don't apologise. You haven't done anything wrong. See you tomorrow, yeah?" Rian reassured me. I forced a smile onto my face again. Truth be told, all of my feelings towards Alex were stressing me out, but I'd been trying to shove them all to the back of my mind. He made me happy as a whole, and that's all that I needed, but now that Rian had given me an opportunity to open up, I wasn't going to ignore it.
"Yeah. Bye, man." I mumbled, pushing the 'end call' button and locking my phone, throwing it back onto the bed. I had come to the realisation that I wasn't quite as happy as I was letting on, and that I was probably just telling myself that because I wanted to be happy more than anything else. Because I was fed up of feeling down. I had a tendency for convincing myself I was alright when really I was far from it. That was just another one of my flaws.