Dedication Takes a Lifetime, But Dreams Only Last for a Night

Ever since I'd talked to Alex, all I'd been able to do was smile. I walked all the way home with grin on my face for the first time in a long time. I felt happy, and being able to express that made me feel good.
I walked into my house, shutting the door quietly behind me. I kicked my shoes off and threw them underneath the coat hooks before turning towards the stairs. I paused when I heard my mom running through to greet me. She smiled and threw her arms around my neck, and I stood in a stiff position, allowing her to hold me in her arms. I hesitated before pulling away after a while.
"Jack! How was school?" She asked me eagerly. I laughed at her attempt to appear interested, as I knew she wasn't, but she worried about me a lot as well, so I answered her with a simple 'It was good'.
"What's with the big grin on your face? Has Jack got a girlfriend?" Mom pestered me in a playful manner. I chuckled, shaking my head and looking down at the floor.
"No, Mom! Even if I did, I wouldn't be telling you!" I exclaimed, laughing as she tried to look disappointed but failed, "I'm going upstairs."
"Tea will be ready in an hour and a half. Don't be long." She called after me as I jogged upstairs. I hurried my pace a bit, wanting to get in my room and find out what Alex had put in my pocket. I pushed my bedroom door open and slammed it shut behind me. I threw myself back on my bed before letting out a sigh. I was more than relieved that Alex hadn't been planning something to gang up on me. What he'd said had been believable. I doubted that he'd lie to anyone about that anyway. Plus, he'd trusted me and told me about how he doesn't actually like his so-called friends. It wasn't a surprise - they weren't the nicest people around, but I knew that if they found out that Alex didn't like them, he'd be in for it. I shook my head and frowned at the thought of it. The only thing I'd been able to think about all day since I bumped into him this morning was Alex. He couldn't help being so god damn perfect. His lip biting habit, the way he'd run his hand through his hair when it was a mess, his smile, his eyes. Just everything about him. I closed my eyes and allowed a smile to slip onto my face. Oh, I'd be the luckiest guy around if I were to make a boy like him my own - which I wouldn't, of course. Alex wasn't... gay. At least, I didn't think he was.
I sat upright when I remembered the thing that he'd put in my pocket. I reached into my pocket and felt a piece of scrunched up paper. I opened it up and swallowed when I saw what it was. It was a piece of paper that I'd been doodling on whilst I was waiting for the bus this morning... and it had his name written all over it. I must've dropped it when I walked into him in the corridor today. I turned the piece of paper over as I noticed his handwriting was on it. I rubbed my eyes before reading what he wrote:
"I didnt know there was a girl called Alex in skl who had same initials as me? ;)"
This was followed by his number scrawled across the bottom of it, and a small heart in the corner of the paper. I gulped and hit myself on the forehead with the palm of my right hand. How could've I have been so stupid?! I hoped he wasn't being sarcastic with the heart in the corner. I knew Alex could be "a bit" sarcastic, and a slight bit full of himself, but after how he'd been acting, I didn't know whether he was being sarcastic or not. All of a sudden, I dreaded seeing him tomorrow. I didn't know how he'd react when I saw him, or when I spoke to him.
I took a deep breath and reached into my pocket for my phone. I unlocked it and poked at the screen, saving his number in my phone. I opened messages, and took a moment before convincing myself to text him:
"Sry about the piece of paper. Def will come to ur party btw."
I let out a heavy sigh before pressing send, and throwing my phone at the wall in front of me. I collapsed onto the bed behind me and rested my hands on my stomach. One minute, the boy was giving me butterflies, the next, he was making my stomach turn, and it wasn't in a good way.
I hopped up and decided to take a shower to get him off my mind, though I was in doubt that anything would right now. Not until I knew that everything was still good between us, at least. I hated being me, and I always had. And now? Even more.