Maybe I Wasn't Enough

MIWGE (2)

I wasn't sure why, but I was quite chirpy. Maybe it was because this was the first Monday I didn't have to go to school. Or maybe it was because I had bowling to look foreword to later. Who knows? I was just happy. For the first time in a while; actually happy. It was great.
"Victor!" I yelled, walking into his house.
"Bella!" He yelled back.
I sighed. "Okay, no more hateful names. Agreed?"
He chuckled, and nodded. "Agreed."
"Mike still sleeping?" I asked.
Vic nodded. "Yep."
I sighed. "Hey, Vic? You should date the girl from the corner of the street. She stares at you dreamily a lot." I said, as he placed a bowl of cereal on the table, and began eating it.
He glared at me.
I raised my hands in surrender. "Just saying! Lucky Charms? Oh, I'll take this." I said, grabbing the bowl, and walking upstairs.
Vic laughed behind me.
"Bitch!" He yelled.
"Cunt!" I yelled back, taking a spoonful of the cereal.
I opened the door to Mike's bedroom, and smiled at the sight. He was so cute.
I walked over to his bed, sat the bowl of cereal on the side table, and lied next to him. "Mikey." I whispered, planting kisses along his jaw.
He moaned, and opened his eyes. He smiled, and pulled me into his chest.
"Baby..." He whispered in my ear, and nibbling on it a little.
I giggled, and kissed him passionately.
"Come on, get up and dressed! I want to to do something with you today." I said, placing a few more kisses along his jaw.
"Does that necessarily mean I have to get dressed?" He asked, cheekily.
I giggled. "No, Mikey! Maybe later. But I want to go bowling with you and Sam. I want you to get along with him." I said.
He groaned.
"For real, Michael? He's my best friend. You could at least try to get along with him." I said, wriggling out if his grasp, and finishing off the bowl of cereal.
He sighed. "Fine." He got up, and threw on some pants, and a shirt.
"Alright, ready?" I asked.
He threw on a hat, and nodded. "Let's go." He said.

The ride to the bowling alley was really awkward. I wish Mike and Sam would just get along. Who was I kidding? It's probably be my dying wish...

"Hey, Sammy? Will you come get a soda with me?" I asked, right after we put our shoes on.
He nodded, and smiled.

We walked in silence.
I sighed, realizing the fact that we had grown apart.
"Sammy, I'm sorry. Mike tends to over react. I love you both though. I'm just s-"
"Bells, stop stressing over this tiny little thing! Mike and I will become a little more comfortable with each other, soon enough. Don't try and force it on him, though, babe."
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Sammy, I love you and you're advice." I stated, giggling.

We played about two games, and if I was seeing correctly, Mike and Sam where laughing with each other. Even if it was at my terrible bowling, they where bonding. It was the most unbelievable feeling there was.

"Hey, Izzy? I've got to go. My mom wants me to help move some things." He said, kissing the top of my head.
I hugged him, and continued bowling with Sam.

"You suck at this, buttercup." Sam said after my thirteenth attempt to get a spare.
I laughed. "I do, don't I?" I said, trying again.

We played for little while longer, and then decided to go home.
"Hey, I'm gonna go over to Vic's. alright?" I said, as he walked up the stairs to the spare bedroom.
He nodded. "Goodnight. Stay out of trouble." He said, chuckling.

I nodded, and walked outside into the damp grass.

The rain had stopped a little, but was still falling lightly in the darkness. As the traffic drew back, I sprinted across the street. My feet were soaked from the water and puddles by the time I got to the other side of the road.

"Vic?" I called, walking in the living room, and closing the door behind me. He was on his phone, texting rather quickly.
"Mikes upstairs." He said, not looking up at me. I chuckled a little, but couldn't ignore the feeling of discomfort I felt at that moment. To avoid that discomfort, I ran up the stairs, and pushed Mike's door open.
"Mikey! I m-"
"Oh my god. Iz-"
I ran back downstairs, and dashed out the door, oblivious to the questions Vic threw at me.

I trusted him. I loved him. He was so perfect. And he was just fucking some bleach blonde bitch. I felt like dying. As if the weather was based on my mood, the rain began pouring harder again.

I ran. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I couldn't stay here. I just wanted to be alone. The rain had now soaked through my hoodie, and my Toms would most likely be useless after tonight.

I ran until I was positive Vic hadn't followed me, or anyone else for that matter. I turned into an alley, and fell against the stone wall, and dropped to my knees. I pulled them in my chest, and cried.

What was happening? How was this even possible? Had a year of my life just been thrown away? Had I wasted it all on some stupid relationship? It seemed likely. It seemed like something I would have done.

I looked around on the ground, until I saw a tiny glare out of the corner of my eye.

Glass.

"Izzy, you promised.." I whispered to myself, the tears falling freely now.
"But you're obviously not good enough..." I stated, reaching for the piece of glass.
I ran my fingers over the pouted edges, and cut open a hole in my skinny jeans, followed my several more holes. I ripped my jeans until there was an open space of skin on my thigh. I pressed the cold shard of glass to my skin, but was careful not to cut it.

I looked away from my thigh, and pressed the glass into my skin as hard as I could, and dragging it along the smooth area.
And again.
And again.
And each time, I breathed out a little more. I could feel the tears stinging the fresh wounds, but I could also feel the relief it was causing.
"Are you insane?!" Said a voice, slapping the shard of glass away from my skin.
I looked up to see Tony looking at me. My heart sank.
I looked into his eyes. I had expected to see disappointment in them. Maybe disgust, or even anger. But that wasn't the case. His eyes where full of tears, pity, and sorrow.
I stood up, but lost my balance, and fell back down again.
Tony grabbed my arm, and supported me back to his car. It felt amazing to be in the dry heat again, although it burned my thigh. Tony got in, and helped me get my hoodie off.
"Here." He handed me the hoodie I used before.
I shook my head. "I'll get blood on it." I stated.
"Put it on." He demanded.
I apprehensively slip my arms through the sleeves.
He wiped his eyes, and without looking at me, asked; "What happened? Why'd you do it?"
"Tony, I'm so sorry. I really didn't want this to happen. I-I'm just tired. I'm tired of living." I began to sob uncontrollably. "I'm tired of being concealed inside this box! I know I'll never become anything, just like my dad said. Everyone expects me to do something great. But even if I do, it won't ever matter because they did it first! Do you realize how much everyone hates me? Someday, I wish someone would just look at me, and think 'wow, she's beautiful.' But that'll never happen. Just. Like. He. Said. I'll never amount to anything. It's all true. Isn't it, Tony? It's true, isn't it. I mean, come on! Mike obviously thinks so! I'm not good enough! That's my problem! These girls don't even try, and they're so perfect! I try so hard, just to-"

Tony crashed his lips to mine. He held my face in his cold hands.
I kissed back. This wasn't like when I kissed Mike. This was different. It seemed so right.

"Isobella, I love you. Every time I see your face, I want to hold you in my arms. I want to kiss you all the time. I want to be so close to you. You try too hard to be perfect. You're not. You're Isobella. She isn't perfect. She's better. She's herself. A Star Wars loving, book worm who's so perfect. And she doesn't give herself enough credit."
I shook my head, and kissed him again.
"I love you, Izzy."
Our foreheads were lying on each other, and his hands where still cupping my cheeks.
"I love you too, Tony."