Maybe I Wasn't Enough

The last two months have been decent for what they would've been.

The first four weeks after Sam passed, I was having anxiety attacks daily, hallucinating here and there, and didn't talk at all.

I was left alone in my room, behind the closed and locked door, with Vic's guitar. Playing music was the only thing keeping me sane.

Everything was okay now, though. I was talking again. The hallucinations stopped, and so did the Anxiety.

I was laughing again. I was eating normally again. I was sleeping again. I was smiling again. I was happy again. I realized somehow, somewhere, along the way, that Sam would hate me for locking myself away, and ignoring my problems. No; he'd wouldn't hate me, he would completely despise this new 'me'.

"Look!" Evie pointed to the very end of the street, and the tour bus had pulled around the corner.

I pushed myself up from the porch, the Star Wars blanket still wrapped around my shoulders.

Evie giggled and shook in excitement, as Mike, Vic, Jaime, and Tony walked off the bus. Vic's hair was visibly longer, and Tony had a dermal on his cheek bone. The bleached patch in Jaime's hair was gone, and he seemed to have larger biceps then before he left. Mike, on the other hand, was just...Mike. But he was perfect that way.

Vic and Evie crushed their lips together, and Vic lifted her from the ground.

Their relationship was so cute.

Tony and I slowly walked towards each other. Once we were close enough to touch, he laced our fingers together. They were the only thing keeping us apart.

He smelled of cologne; a smell I knew too well.

I knew he wasn't touching me only to tease me. I had to admit: it sucked.

I breathed out, before giving up, and crushing my lips roughly to his. I missed this. I missed his touch.

He chuckled, and licked my bottom lip. I gladly let him in, as our tongues battled for dominance.

I giggled a little, pulled away, and laid my forehead on his. "I hate this.…" I confessed.

He sighed. "I do too. But it's what I want."

I smiled. "I know, I just hate the distance that's constantly between us, Ana.

"You won't have to worry about that for a while, now. We wrote an entire album on tour." Vic stated, smiling, his hand in Evie's. "We'll be recording for a few months." He smiled down at Evie, causing her to blush.

I grinned, and Jaime sprinted towards me, causing me to scream in laughter.

He threw me over his shoulder, my Star Wars blanket fell to the ground.

"Jaime! I'll murder you!" I said, laughing.

He grabbed my sides, and I burst into laughter.

"Izzy's ticklish!" He stated, placing me safely back on the ground, and tickling me (which made me fall to the ground anyways).

"Stop!" I yelled through fits of giggles.

He finally stopped, and I wiped the tears away from my eyes, while breathing heavily.

He reached out his hand, and I grabbed it. He tugged me up, and pulled me into an embrace.

"I missed you, Jaime." I stated, before walking over to Mike.

He hugged me tightly, and nuzzled his face into my neck; which I gave him credit for, I was much shorter than him.

"Where's Kenedee?" I asked, curiously.

He shrugged. "Don't know."

I then walked over to Vic, and thew my arms around his neck. "I've missed you so much, Vic."

He chuckled. "I missed you too, Izzy."

"Okay, I'm starving." Jaime stated.

I smiled. "Come on." I said, walking back onto the porch, and letting Vic unlock the door.

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"I'm sorry about Sam." Tony stated, as we cuddled together on the sofa at Vic's.

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it." I said.

He sighed. "Izzy, you need to talk about it. Get it off your -"

"I don't want to talk about it." I repeated calmly.

He sat up. "Izz-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I sneered, glaring at him.

"I know you don't. But you have to." He said.

Even though I knew it was true, I wouldn't admit it. "No I don't."

"Don't do this to yourself." He pressed the subject.

I stood up. "I said I don't want to talk about it! What else are you going to demand me to do?"

"Izzy, I didn't mean it like t-"

"That's exactly how you meant it! You want to order me around like I'm some fucking servant!"

He shook his head.

"Then what the fuck do you want me to do?"

He stood up as well. "I want you to stop running away from your problems!" He yelled, startling me.

"I'm not running away from them! I'm ignoring them!" I stated.

"Why?! You need to face them! You'll never move on if you don't!"

"Because, Tony! If I face my problems like a normal person, I'll probably try to kill myself multiple times!" I yelled, grabbing my phone from the floor, along with the Star Wars blanket from the sofa.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Leaving." I stated, slamming the door behind me.