It Was Like Slow Motion

"There you are! You look amazing, Birthday Girl!"

My head turned to where the squeal came from, and I smiled as my best friend engulfed me in a hug. I could feel my black dress tangling around my legs as I staggered backwards with her weight, and I let out a small laugh.

"Thanks Maggie," I murmured, wrapping my arms around her tiny frame tightly. "It's so great to see you! It feels like it's been forever!"

"I know," she screeched back, pulling away and giving my cheek a loving pat. "You have really got to learn how to use Skype on that fancy phone of yours!"

"My phone hates me!" I defended.

"I'm sure it does," Maggie scoffed, and my eyes widened in an attempt to feign innocence.

"It does!" I repeated, and I saw the dimples digging into her cheeks.

"Skype or not, this is just not working for me. I mean, with me at Chapel Hill and you just getting back from freaking London, which I want to hear all about, by the way, things just are not the same as they were in high school."

"I know, Mags," I sighed, only half of my mind on the conversation.

"C'mon, let's go get something to drink, and you can tell me all about the adorable accents and Big Ben," she suggested, but I barely heard her words.

She looped her arm through mine and started to lead me towards the crowd that was gathered around the stage. The DJ was playing some peppy top 40 hit, and it was just the kind of song we loved to dance to, or at least to attempt to dance to. I took one last glance towards the door, my heart sinking a bit as it stayed closed. I half expected him to burst right through the doors, giving me his famous half-grin. I snuck a glance at my
phone; the party, my party, had started a little over an hour ago.

My mind was racing as the bass thudded through my veins. I could see the soft glow of the Christmas lights and the outline of everyone I cared about. Well, almost everyone. I stole another glance towards the entrance, and I raked my memory for the conversation we had just the night before. I wasn't wrong; I could still hear the cheery note in his voice as he pretended to be offended that I even had to ask him.

He said he'd be here.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror hanging behind the bar as Maggie ordered sodas for us, and something inside of me broke. I had spent an hour before the party making sure I got my makeup and hair just right, and until I was absolutely sure I looked perfect. Now, it didn't even matter as my gray eyes, popping out against the eyeshadow, scanned over my reflection. My bright red lips were forming a frown, and none of it seemed to matter anymore. The one person I wanted to tell me I looked beautiful wasn't even here.



"You know what I mean?"

I stood there blankly as everyone else chimed in their opinions. I didn't even know what we were talking about anymore. My mind had left the party an hour and a half ago, once the hour I gave him to show up came and went. Why wasn't he here?

My throat ached as a million different answers came into my mind. He forgot. Something came up with the boys, and he couldn't make it. An emergency came up, he had to catch the next plane back to London, and didn't have time to explain. Or maybe he just didn't want to come, because I didn't mean a thing to him.

"Excuse me," I mumbled, turning on the heel of my stiletto and blinking back the burning tears forming in my eyes. I pushed my way through the crowd, feeling completely empty as I made my way to the bathroom.

As soon as I made it through the doors, I could hear my tortured breathing echoing against the walls. I felt so incredibly stupid, so crushed, and I didn't know how to sort through my mind. The door flung open, and I saw Maggie appear, her face contorted with concern.

"What's going on, Anna? Are you okay?" she asked softly, walking towards me. I turned away, placing my hands on either side of the sink and staring down at the shiny silver drain. I did my best to compose myself and keep it together.

"I'm fine, it's fine," I assured her, shaking my head. "It's just... He said he was going to be here."

My voice broke at the end, and in the mirror, I saw her lips part as she realized what I meant. Her whole face softened, and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"Oh, honey," she murmured, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to block it all out. I could feel my heart sinking into my stomach as reality became more and more apparent. Finally, I gave my head a small shake and smiled sadly.

"It's okay," I swore, trying to make my voice convincing. But it wasn't.

"C'mon, let's go back out to the party. We'll get your mind off of him, and celebrate you leaving the teen years behind once and for all," she said, doing her best to sound cheerful and stern. I nodded, following her lifelessly back down the hallway to the main floor.

I could hear laughter through the music, and it felt like I was underwater as I looked around. I had to restrain myself from taking another glance at the door, which I knew wasn't going to open. My chest felt cold, and my hand felt like it was ice without his holding it. I stopped in my spot, and my emotions overwhelmed me.

Maggie turned around when she realized I wasn't following her, and I heard a four letter curse word fly from her mouth as she took in my face. At her exclamation, a few other guests turned, their faces masks of worry.

I opened and closed my mouth, reaching up to wipe away some of the tears streaming down my face, and no doubt ruining my makeup. No one said anything as they watched me, and I didn't know what to say to them. What can you say when you're supposed to be grateful and celebrating with everyone who loves you, but all you want to do is curl into a ball and cry? I didn't know where to go from here. Everything I thought I knew about him was slipping through my fingers, and I hadn't even seen it coming.

"Sorry," I croaked out, trying to crack a smile. "It's just an emotional night."

Everyone seemed to accept this and turned back to whatever it was they were doing. Maggie made her way to my side, pulling me into a hug. I still felt completely alone, though. I attempted to hug her back, and my mind continued to unravel. I shouldn't be crying at my own party.

"He should be here," I said helplessly into my best friend's shoulder, and she rubbed my back and squeezed me tighter.

"I know," she whispered back, her voice hurting just as much as mine.

I pulled away, doing my best to plaster on a smile, at least for now. I had to get through this night, for all of them. I ran my finger under my eyes and swiped away the remaining tears. With a deep breath, I nodded my head and shrugged my shoulders.

"It's time for cake," I said, and Maggie's eyebrows furrowed together.

"Are you sure? 'Cause if you aren't feeling it, I can stall for awhile yet, if you just-"

"No, I don't want to ruin everyone's night. And besides, I could use some cake and ice cream right about now," I joked half-heartedly, and she gave me a forced smile. The concern was still shooting from her eyes like laser beams, though.

She didn't say anything else though, instead, she walked up to the stage where the DJ was spinning, and whispered something to him. He nodded and the music stopped abruptly. Maggie grabbed the microphone, and I saw her eyes lock with mine, making sure I was still there and standing.

"Alright guys, on behalf of Anna, I wanna thank you all for coming tonight!" A few people cheered and hollered, but I had retreated too far into my mind to feel anything. "Now, it's time for everyone's favorite part, if you would all gather around the main table, it's time for cake!"

More cheers erupted, and I made my way blindly through the crowd to the head of the table, where the beautiful cake sat. There were two giant candles at the top, forming a big '2' and '0'. Familiar, smiling faces surrounded me, and I did my best to fake a smile. Maggie was at my side quickly, and she lit the sparkling candles. I held my breath as she started to sing, and the rest of the crowd join in. I barely heard them, though.

All I could think about was how much I wished he was sitting right next to me. But he wasn't. Something inside me had hardened as the finality of the situation really hit me. I swallowed and tried to push the feeling back as I blew out the candle and applause filled my ears.



"Hey, Annie, it's me," he said softly, his voice broken up over my telephone. My stomach was in knots as I sat up in bed, pushing my hair out of my face.

After blowing out the candles, the rest of the night was a blur at best. I barely touched my cake, and I couldn't tell you what any of the presents I unwrapped actually were. I ran on autopilot until I made it to my hotel room, and then I broke down. I screamed and I cried and I didn't know exactly when I blacked out, but all it took was one ring of my phone for the pain to come rushing back.

"Hey," I whispered back, my voice thick with all of the tears shed over the last few hours.

"I'm sorry about tonight. I tried to make it, but something came up, and we had to do another interview," he explained, and I nodded to myself, biting my thumbnail lightly.

"Oh."

I wanted him to say more and tell me something to prove my thoughts wrong, but I already knew it wasn't coming. His apology sounded sincere, but it didn't change anything anymore. The pain in my chest was ebbing away slowly, and it was being replaced with a certain numbness that came with acceptance.

"I'm really sorry," he said, his accent tugging on the words.

"Yeah," I breathed out, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry, too."

It had been silly of me to think that I was anything more than a conquest in his world. He had every girl on the planet dropping at his feet, and it was silly of me to think he would actually want me and only me. I was just another girl to entertain himself with, and our relationship was crashing and burning. The call just solidified what I had figured out at the party, in all of the time I spent waiting hopelessly for him to show up. There was barely anything left of our relationship to hold on to, and I knew it.

It was over for us.