You're Hoping For A Taste

A droplet of rain is curving along my spine like cold, dead fingers tracing a line down my back. The thought of it makes me shiver involuntarily, and Kellin tightens his arm around me. We're both listening to the sound of feet squelching in the mud, just audible over the storm. It was only a matter of time before we came across another Walker, or rather a Walker came across us, but it's not something you can ever get used to. I realised in the first few days of the chaos that what makes the Walkers so terrifying is the fact that, while they look human, they can't be reasoned with. If you get attacked by an animal you know there's nothing you can do to stop it except brute force. But, with a human, you hope you can talk them out of it, appeal to that side of them that's more intelligent than your average animal. But Walkers are different. They're the animal us, and no matter what you say, no matter how you act, there's no changing their minds.

Through the gaps in the undergrowth I can just make out a pair of legs shuffling along a couple of metres away. We just have to stay quiet, don't move, don't make a sound, and the Walker will be on its way. The rain seems to dampen their senses, confusing them a little, making them more sluggish. They can't smell us or hear us as well as usual, but with a Walker in such close proximity we can't even risk moving an inch.

From where my shoulder is pressed against Kellin's chest I can hear his heart going wild. It thuds, thuds, thuds against me and my heart keeps time with his, a fearful rhythm.

My eyes are hurting. They're straining to see in the darkness and past the undergrowth and through the rain. The Walker has stopped moving, standing directly opposite us. It grunts out breaths, and I've always wondered why they breathe. Maybe there's a part of them that still wants to be a little bit human.

It's just standing there, and with every second that it remains glued to the spot a feeling of tension coils tighter in my chest. It feels as though my lungs and my heart are being squeezed, held in a vice-like grip, and if I don't move or scream or just do anything then I'll explode, parts of me scattering themselves for miles in every direction. I want to tear through the undergrowth and claw the Walker apart till there's nothing left, so that we can just be safe for once, so we don't have to worry about staying alive.

And then a harsh shriek pierces the night, echoing through the forest, and the sound of the Walker's vocal chords ripping as it screams has me shrinking against Kellin. I've never heard a sound so hungry and so forlorn in all my life.

The Walker begins to move away, dragging itself deeper into the woods. We stay silent, barely moving for a while afterwards, not daring to make a sound in case the Walker is still close by. But when we feel alone enough we let ourselves relax. I didn't realise Kellin was holding me quite so tightly until his arm loosens itself slightly, his fingers unfurling from my waist. I release my grip on his arm, the sleeve of his jacket still pushed up from where I was looking at his tattoos. The tension is slowly seeping from my limbs and I feel weak.

“Want me to take the first watch?” Kellin says.

“Would you?” I reply, but I'm just asking out of formality; all I want to do is sleep.

“Sure,” he answers, “I'll wake you up in a few hours.”

I drop my head against his shoulder again. “Thanks Kellin.”

“Don't mention it,” he says, stretching his legs out in front of him, “just get some sleep.”

“Alright, 'night.” It's just a mumble, I'm already slipping into that one place where we who are left alive can find any kind of peace nowadays.

“Goodnight Alexa.” And that's the last thing I know.

* * *

I jolt awake. The world is on its side. All I can see are branches and Kellin's shoes. Kellin is gently shaking my shoulder. I blink away the haze of sleep and that's when I realise my head is resting on Kellin's lap. Did I fall here in my sleep?

I can feel heat rising in my cheeks as I sit up, but my embarrassment is quickly overrun by the knowledge that I'm starving. I'm so hungry I feel sick.

“Hello there,” Kellin says, and I can hear the smile in his voice; I don't even have to look at his face.

I glance at the sky. Still dark. “How long was I asleep?”

“Three hours.”

I fix Kellin with a glare and he widens his eyes, a smile playing on his lips. Why is he in such a good mood suddenly? “Kellin, you should have woken me before then, you can't stay awake for three hours.”

He shrugs. “I didn't want to wake you.”

I sigh. “Well, it's my turn to keep watch, you'd better nod off.”

“Aye aye captain.” Immediately Kellin shuts his eyes and lets his head drop back against the tree trunk. “Wake me at four,” he adds, tapping his watch.

“Okay,” I reply, and I pull my knees to my chest again, wrapping my arms around them.

The night is lonely when you're sat by yourself. The rain is easing off a bit, pattering on the leaves and making puddles in the saturated ground. Beside me Kellin breathes in and out, in and out. I sneak a glance at him, thinking how awkward it would be if he just opened one eye like a cat and caught me staring. His hair is still wet and plastered to his face. He looks so fragile, so vulnerable. I can't imagine that if something happened to us now I'd be able to stop him from getting hurt. He's saved me so much and I've barely had a chance to return the favour.

Half an hour creeps by. Every minute feels like a day, another day without food. I haven't eaten since this morning. Well, yesterday morning. It's currently half-past one and hours until dawn and any chance of being rescued.

That's when I notice something. My eyes have finally adjusted to the darkness and I'm scanning the undergrowth out of sheer boredom when I see the little black blobs, blacker than the darkness that enshrouds us. I lean forward, careful not to disturb Kellin, and reach out with my fingertips. Berries. I smile to myself. I tug one loose and sit back, holding it up to what meagre moonlight is getting through. It looks like a blackberry, and it definitely feels like it, lots of little spheres joined together in a kind of upside-down triangle. My mouth is beginning to salivate at the thought of eating it. But what if I've got it wrong? What if it's poisonous? The last way I'd want to die is by eating poisonous berries when I've managed to survive two months in an infected America. I'm so hungry though. A few berries won't exactly fill me up but it's something. Do I risk it?

I'm risking it. Before I can think any more I pop the berry in my mouth and chew. The juices burst free in my mouth. Definitely a blackberry. I pick more and eat them, and almost immediately I don't feel so hungry, but maybe that's just a placebo effect. I have to stop myself from eating them all. I'll save a few for Kellin and tell him about them when I wake him up.

There's nothing to do but wait till four o'clock. I don't hear any sounds in the woods, nothing out of the ordinary, but I'm still so tired I can't imagine I'd really register them; not even fear is managing to keep me alert. I just want to sleep for days and wake up in a bed for once.

* * *

I startle myself awake. My heart is pumping frantically. Kellin is still asleep beside me, his head drooping sideways. Gently, I lift up his wrist and peer at his watch. Just after two; I've been asleep for half an hour. I release a shaky breath. I can't fall asleep again, it could result in us both being killed.

A twig snaps. I look up and find myself staring into the eyes of another beyond the undergrowth. But they're dead eyes.

I'm frozen in place. I can't move, I can't speak, and I've never understood why someone would freeze with fear until now. It pins you down and there's nothing you can do about it.

And then suddenly a scream escapes me because the Walker is throwing himself towards me, tearing through the undergrowth as if it's nothing more than paper. I'm yelling Kellin's name but he's not waking up, he's in such a deep sleep, exhausted, but he has to wake up, we're about to die, he needs to wake up. We have no weapons, no nothing, and we're cornered.

That's when I feel the fingers wrap around my ankle, so tight I'm surprised my bones don't break, and that's also when Kellin's eyes fly open but it's too late; I barely have time to cry out his name when a sudden force is yanking me backwards, dragging me through the undergrowth and out into the open.

I scream and lash out and the Walker is on top of me and he's writhing, his mouth open, desperately trying to sink his teeth into my flesh. He's so strong he must be newly Turned, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to just push his face away from me, the heel of my hand digging into his forehead. And that's when I see that he must be newly Turned because the Walker is the man who took our car.

Then suddenly a blur of muted colour and the Walker is no longer on top of me. I look to my left to see a heap on the forest floor, and I realise Kellin has tackled the Walker off me. But the Walker is too strong, and in seconds the tables have turned and Kellin is the one on his back, fighting to keep the Walker's teeth from tearing into him.

“Alexa!”

I have to do something.

I look around desperately. There has to be something, anything, I can use. And then I see it, a long branch, probably torn down by the storm. I scrabble to my feet and pick it up, my muscles screaming even just from that. And then I'm stepping forward, holding the branch like a bat, a rounders bat, I'm just playing rounders back at school and the ball is the Walker's skull. I pull the branch back, one-handed like in the game, and I swing harder than I ever have. Wood meets bone with a sickening crunch. The Walker drops to the side, its legs entangled with Kellin's, but it's not dead yet. I raise the branch above my head and bring it down again, like a sledgehammer this time, and as it connects with the Walker's skull it goes still.

I drop the branch and the ground rushes up to meet me. I mange to stay in a sitting position but I feel like I just want to lie down.

“Alexa?” Kellin appears beside me, his hands on either side of my face, smears of what I hope is mud on his cheeks and nose. “Are you bitten?”

I shake my head and spots dance in my vision. “Are you?”

“No, I'm fine. Alexa, are you okay? Alexa? Alexa!”

And that's when everything goes black.