Cigarette Burns

Matt jumped- literally jumped. He stood there and stared at me for a moment before laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. He looked at me sympathetically, raising his eyebrows, "are you okay?"

My head shot up, horror written all over my face, deep within my eyes. He looked very unsure what to do, but decided on wrapping his arms around me and pulling my tense body to his stone-solid chest. I took a few deep breaths and then opened my eyes, "okay. I'm okay."

Matt released me and looked at me skeptically, "are you sure? You just scared the hell out of me."

I let out a trembled laugh. "I'm sorry, I just don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do with... with this!" I held up the bikini with my right index finger for Matt to see, while I raised my eyebrow.

Matt chuckled, "oh."

"Yea, you think?" I shook my head and stared at the thing on my hand. What am I going to do? I bit the inside of my lip as I thought of a million and one possibilities. "Okay," I finally stated. "I came up with a plan."

Matt raised an eyebrow at me, "what's that?"

"Before, when we were at my locker, I promised myself that this weekend would be full of fun and adventure," I began, still staring at the bikini.

Matt nodded his head in acknowledgement, "but you're terrified of exposing yourself more so then you are of wearing that," Matt mumbled to himself.

I looked up at him, "what was that?"

Matt shook his head, "nothing, just thinking to myself."

I shook my head, "Matt, I finally found someone I can trust and will talk too, please don't ruin that for me."

Matt looked at my face, his eyes filled with sympathy, with sadness. "I said that you're more terrified of exposing yourself then you are of wearing that..." he trailed off.

I stood there for a moment. "Do you want to elaborate on that please?"

Matt sighed, "I know Tony, okay? I know that he's a fucking asshole and he doesn't deserve to breathe. I know that he doesn't treat women right, that he never has and he never will. I know what he does to you and I know that you try your hardest to hide it. I know that you're bruised inside and out, I know that you're scarred inside deeper then you are on the outside. I know that you're terrified to speak to anyone other then him, look at anyone, or even be around anyone. I know that you're scared to put that on because you don't want to expose everything that he's done to you, everything that ISN'T your fault. I know that you don't want to because you don't want to be looked at differently, and you don't want him to find out that anyone else knows because you know he's capable of anything. I know you don't love him anymore, I know you're terrified of him, I know that you want to leave, but you can't, and I know, that you feel safe around me, around us, because I've known you for years, I've seen how you are and we're the first people you've talked too willingly since Tony started hurting you. I know that you think a lot of things are your fault and that you see things differently now because of that, but what I know that you don't realize is; it's not your fault, it never was and it never will be. You're so much better then you think you are, you're the best person I've met and I just want to make you see that so much. I just want to make you feel wanted, important, beautiful... loved."

My eyes began to water as I listened to everything Matt said. I watched his movements carefully as he talked, he seemed to become closer. Was it him or was it me moving? When he finished, I threw my arms around him, I tried so hard to keep everything inside of me, all of my emotions and thoughts, but nothing was working. I began to sob and began to slide down his body, before I landed on the floor; Matt caught me, setting me down gently. He sat next to me and pulled my body onto his lap. I threw my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my waist.

"How did you know all of that?" I whispered into his chest.

"I remember Tony and how he was like when he was still in high school with us. I fucking hated him, you have no idea how many times I fought him," Matt replied, his voice filling with venom.

I chuckled, "what a sight that would be." Tony was not frail. He was also not as big as Matt. If I had to compare him to any of the guys, he was pretty close to Brian's size in height and muscle. It's no wonder I have the wounds I do.

I felt Matt smile, "just to let you know, I kicked his ass every time," he pulled away and looked me in the eyes, "and I'll do it again, and that will be the last time that anyone get's a hand on him, while he's alive."

I tightened my grip around him and moved towards him. I placed my lips at the very corner of his mouth- still on his cheek and kissed him gently. I felt him smile and pull me closer. He turned my face to look straight at him and did the same thing. I felt what seemed like fireworks go off inside my body, in my blood. I smiled and sighed. "Okay, I will do this."

"Do what?" Matt questioned.

I stood up and put my hand out to help him up. He laughed and grabbed my hand, but got up entirely on his own. I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head. He stuck his tongue out at me and leaned against the counter.

"I will put this... bikini on, but I need to do something before I even leave the bathroom in it," I mumbled.

"Okay," Matt nodded his head and walked towards the door. He opened it, and stepped out. "I'll wait right here for you," and then he shut the door.

I turned on the tap and dropped to my knees in front of the toilet. I emptied my stomach and then flushed the toilet. I stood up and walked to the sink and threw water on my face. The whole time I prayed that Tony would never, ever, find out about this conversation... this day.

I stripped of my clothes and stood there for a minute. I poked at my skin, here and there. My ribs were on the verge of basically poking out. I looked disgusting. I looked like a pale, ugly, twig. I slipped on the black bottoms and tied the black and white zebra print top around my back and around my neck. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I still looked disgusting, but not as bad as I did nude. At least the bruises give my pale skin some colour, I gave myself a disturbed look.

I opened the door and threw out my arm, searching for Matt's. I heard him chuckle and grab my hand. I pulled him through the door and slammed the door shut again. I stood in front of him and bit my lip, "do you think they'll know?"

A thing I never thought I'd see in my life happened just then. Matt's eyes filled with tears, and began to threaten to fall from his eyes. He fixed his eyes on my face and moved down to my neck, chest, arms, stomach, waist, and legs and shook his head. He turned me around and I could feel him doing the same thing. I wrapped my arms around my torso tightly and bit my lip even harder.

When he turned me back around, I was in his arms. I felt a warm liquid on my shoulder, cascading down my back. I pulled away slightly, "are you crying?" I whispered. Matt nodded his head. "Why?"

Matt pulled away and looked at me with bug eyes, "are you serious? How ARE you still alive Riley?"