Cigarette Burns
Chapter Twenty
Matt jumped off his sitting position on the kitchen counter, startling me in the process. I widened my eyes to say something to him, but he beat me to it. "I forgot! I have something for you in my car, I'm going to run out and grab it. You'll love it," and then he kissed my forehead and ran for the door. I laughed and shook my head, only Matt.
I jumped down from my place on the opposite kitchen counter from where Matt was sitting and wondered what exactly he had for me. I smiled, suddenly feeling even more wanted then I've been feeling since I met him, and the rest of the gang. They really knew how to accept new people and make them feel alive again.
I walked over to the back door and looked out the window. I noticed that Brian's truck was pulling up into Matt's driveway and I shook my head. I heard the front door and turned around, "hey Matt, Brian just pulled up in your driveway." I laughed and began walking towards the front door.
"Is that your new boyfriend?" I turned my head and looked around. There was no Matt in the open living room or by the front door. I shook my head and took a few more steps to the front door and then got that old nauseous feeling that I've lived with for too long and began to quicken my speed. "I said, is that your new boyfriend, and where do you think you're going?"
I heard the leather couch squeak and felt a hand grip my upper arm and then felt my body whip around. I held back the urge to vomit and opened my eyes to come face-to-face with Tony. My eyes widened and my knees went weak. What is he doing here? He shouldn't be home until tomorrow night! I began to panic, and spoke the first words that came to my mind, "Where's Matt?" Which, of course, deserved a slap across my right cheekbone.
"Answer my question first," he seethed, glaring down at me with hatred filled eyes. I blinked and looked straight into his eyes, which I've never done since the physical abuse started.
I took a deep breath, "no, he's not." I paused and glared right back at him, "but I wish he was." I don't know what I was thinking, but being with Matt and everyone else gave me the courage to finally fight back. I finally realized that I was human too, not something that Tony could just walk on. I was worth something, and meant something to someone; I was going to stick up for myself, even if it was in my dying breath. I was going out with a fight.
Tony tipped his head back and laughed, almost a mechanical laugh, but you could hear the venom shooting out and then he lowered his head to look back down at me. He narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip, "yeah, you keep wishing that. When will you ever see that you're nothing, Riley? No one loves you, no one ever will. You're nothing," he spoke with such confidence. But only if he knew what people really thought of me, only if he knew who Matt really was, maybe then he'd think differently.
I narrowed my eyes right back at him. "You're pathetic," I spat back. "I am loved, and wanted Tony. It took me a while to finally see that after everything you've put me through, but I've met people these past few days, which showed me different from what you did. I refuse to be treated like this, this thing, you have me pinned for! I am something; I am worth something, unlike you." As Tony was about to open his mouth, I beat him to it, "where's Matt?"
Tony rolled his eyes, "what's it to you? You think he's going to come in here and save you, like some fucking hero you think he is?"
I snatched my arm out of his grasp, "I know that he could, because he's done it before, asshole."
"What the hell are you talking about Riley? This Matt, is he some, every day hero... is he even real?" Tony crossed his arms over his chest. He thinks it's some superior move he has, but I know him better. I know when he crosses his arms over his chest, that he feels weaker and unsure of himself, but he doesn't want anyone to think that.
"Clearly he's real, Tony," I rolled my eyes. "Does Matt Sanders ring any bells?"
Tony's jaw tightened, along with other muscles in his body. If all of this was some cartoon, there would be steam coming out of his ears and nose, but unfortunately, this all seemed more like a horror movie to me. "Matt Sanders... what are you talk-" Tony began, but I cut him off.
"The guy who's kicked your ass a time or two, yea, that Matt." Outside my composure made me seem so bold and ready for battle, but inside I was trembling with fear. I felt weak, and kicked myself every time a word came out of my mouth. I knew I was running on adrenaline, and I knew it would run out fast.
Tony took a step towards me and glared down even harder. "You better hope he doesn't set foot in this house, or you're dead."
I rolled my eyes, "please. I was dead a long time ago."
Tony rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh, "oh, poor Riley. Does that make you feel any better, to have someone feel sorry for you?"
I clenched my fists and held back the urge to connect my balled up fist with his nose. "No, it doesn't. It makes me feel even shittier and more dehumanized, thank-you very much, prick." In my mind, I connected my fist with my own face, when would I learn?
"You know," Tony began, taking a step towards me. "I like this side of you better; you should've always been like this. It's pretty hot," and then, he licked his lips, and I felt bile rise up into my esophagus. I squeezed my eyes shut and held back another urge to vomit on him.
It was quiet. Too quiet. I knew that we were both thinking the same thing. What to do.... I was about four feet from the front door and a foot from Tony, but he could easily stop me before I even touched the door knob. Just as I was about to make a run for the door, despite the fact that I wouldn't make it, the front door opened and I made the worst mistake of my life. I turned my back.
I jumped down from my place on the opposite kitchen counter from where Matt was sitting and wondered what exactly he had for me. I smiled, suddenly feeling even more wanted then I've been feeling since I met him, and the rest of the gang. They really knew how to accept new people and make them feel alive again.
I walked over to the back door and looked out the window. I noticed that Brian's truck was pulling up into Matt's driveway and I shook my head. I heard the front door and turned around, "hey Matt, Brian just pulled up in your driveway." I laughed and began walking towards the front door.
"Is that your new boyfriend?" I turned my head and looked around. There was no Matt in the open living room or by the front door. I shook my head and took a few more steps to the front door and then got that old nauseous feeling that I've lived with for too long and began to quicken my speed. "I said, is that your new boyfriend, and where do you think you're going?"
I heard the leather couch squeak and felt a hand grip my upper arm and then felt my body whip around. I held back the urge to vomit and opened my eyes to come face-to-face with Tony. My eyes widened and my knees went weak. What is he doing here? He shouldn't be home until tomorrow night! I began to panic, and spoke the first words that came to my mind, "Where's Matt?" Which, of course, deserved a slap across my right cheekbone.
"Answer my question first," he seethed, glaring down at me with hatred filled eyes. I blinked and looked straight into his eyes, which I've never done since the physical abuse started.
I took a deep breath, "no, he's not." I paused and glared right back at him, "but I wish he was." I don't know what I was thinking, but being with Matt and everyone else gave me the courage to finally fight back. I finally realized that I was human too, not something that Tony could just walk on. I was worth something, and meant something to someone; I was going to stick up for myself, even if it was in my dying breath. I was going out with a fight.
Tony tipped his head back and laughed, almost a mechanical laugh, but you could hear the venom shooting out and then he lowered his head to look back down at me. He narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip, "yeah, you keep wishing that. When will you ever see that you're nothing, Riley? No one loves you, no one ever will. You're nothing," he spoke with such confidence. But only if he knew what people really thought of me, only if he knew who Matt really was, maybe then he'd think differently.
I narrowed my eyes right back at him. "You're pathetic," I spat back. "I am loved, and wanted Tony. It took me a while to finally see that after everything you've put me through, but I've met people these past few days, which showed me different from what you did. I refuse to be treated like this, this thing, you have me pinned for! I am something; I am worth something, unlike you." As Tony was about to open his mouth, I beat him to it, "where's Matt?"
Tony rolled his eyes, "what's it to you? You think he's going to come in here and save you, like some fucking hero you think he is?"
I snatched my arm out of his grasp, "I know that he could, because he's done it before, asshole."
"What the hell are you talking about Riley? This Matt, is he some, every day hero... is he even real?" Tony crossed his arms over his chest. He thinks it's some superior move he has, but I know him better. I know when he crosses his arms over his chest, that he feels weaker and unsure of himself, but he doesn't want anyone to think that.
"Clearly he's real, Tony," I rolled my eyes. "Does Matt Sanders ring any bells?"
Tony's jaw tightened, along with other muscles in his body. If all of this was some cartoon, there would be steam coming out of his ears and nose, but unfortunately, this all seemed more like a horror movie to me. "Matt Sanders... what are you talk-" Tony began, but I cut him off.
"The guy who's kicked your ass a time or two, yea, that Matt." Outside my composure made me seem so bold and ready for battle, but inside I was trembling with fear. I felt weak, and kicked myself every time a word came out of my mouth. I knew I was running on adrenaline, and I knew it would run out fast.
Tony took a step towards me and glared down even harder. "You better hope he doesn't set foot in this house, or you're dead."
I rolled my eyes, "please. I was dead a long time ago."
Tony rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh, "oh, poor Riley. Does that make you feel any better, to have someone feel sorry for you?"
I clenched my fists and held back the urge to connect my balled up fist with his nose. "No, it doesn't. It makes me feel even shittier and more dehumanized, thank-you very much, prick." In my mind, I connected my fist with my own face, when would I learn?
"You know," Tony began, taking a step towards me. "I like this side of you better; you should've always been like this. It's pretty hot," and then, he licked his lips, and I felt bile rise up into my esophagus. I squeezed my eyes shut and held back another urge to vomit on him.
It was quiet. Too quiet. I knew that we were both thinking the same thing. What to do.... I was about four feet from the front door and a foot from Tony, but he could easily stop me before I even touched the door knob. Just as I was about to make a run for the door, despite the fact that I wouldn't make it, the front door opened and I made the worst mistake of my life. I turned my back.