Just Hold On.

Jordan
I stood sipping some scotch waiting on her to come down, Eric and Tanya would be here shortly and she was still upstairs. I hadn't heard her say anything and most importantly she hadn't come down screaming at me, I guess she liked the earrings. I didn't want to over do it but I wanted her to feel special.
I walked over to the front door and caught a glimpse of her coming down the stairs. To say the earth stopped rotating would have been an understatement.
The satin of the dress hung to her curves and kept no secrets. The earrings matched the dress and when she stopped and stood in front of me, she was just a little shorter than me. I kissed her before I knew what I was doing. I had been waiting to do this for so long and I wanted it to be special, but instead I went after her like a teenage boy. She wrapped her hands in my hair and surprised me, by kissing me back.
I pulled away before I could make things worse, “I’m sorry”
“Don’t be.”
“You look amazing.”
“Thank you, Tanya helped with the dress, she said blue was your favorite color.”
“It definitely is.”

They arrived a little bit later and we left for dinner.
“I like your earrings,” Tanya winked at me.
“I am sure you had nothing to do with them.”
“Scouts honor, I didn't.”
I smiled and felt a little more comfortable with all of this.
Dinner was great, and we walked in downtown Raleigh for a while.
We walked to a bar and went in to have a nightcap. The day was over and I would be going home tomorrow, I wasn't sure I wanted to. Things here were so easy.
“I think you should come to New York and surprise Jordan and you could meet Marc.”
“I don't think I should, things have already gotten a little out of hand between us, he has a girlfriend.”
“Who Elizabeth?”
“Yes.”
“He broke up with her weeks ago.”
“Why would he do that.”
“He hasn't seen her since he met you.”
The words shocked me. I had thought all along that Jordan and I were just friends, though if I was honest with myself, I wasn't so sure that was true anymore.
“He likes you a lot. He talks about you all the time.”
“We are friends.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“Tanya, I didn't come here to take Jordan away from her.”
“You took him away the first time he saw you. He hasn't asked her to come down since. They were really just a couple out of convenience, better to stay together then to break up. He seems much happier since he met you.”
I just sat there staring at her.
“I am telling the truth, surely you can see that.”
“I haven't really looked. I mean I tried to kiss him the other night and he stopped me.”
“Well you just broke up with Claude and I know you needed that comfort, but he didn't want to take advantage of you, I am sure.”
“You are probably right. He kissed me tonight and It was nice.”
“Just nice?”
“More than nice, it stirred feelings in me that I didn't and still don't understand. I like him, I am just not sure I can trust him on the road.”
“Jordan is a flirt, I get it, but he is faithful. He has never cheated on Elizabeth and I am pretty sure he would be the same way with you.”
The boys walked up to the table settling down in the booth.
“Martini for my lady.” I smiled taking the glass from him.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Anything for you.”
I was starting to believe him. I just had one more trick up my sleeve.
I pulled out my phone and text Tanya

I am in
Ryan

Good tickets bought already
Tanya

She smiled over to me, then winked.

I kissed Jordan bye the next morning, as he grabbed his bag from the back of the chair and was gone. My flight with Tonya was a little later, so we had breakfast then left for the airport.
“Marc is excited to meet you.”
“Me too.”
We arrived in New York around five and went to Marc’s apartment.
“I have something for you.”
“Tanya, I think you have done enough.”
She handed me a Canes sweater with a big 11 on the back, a J Staal across the shoulders.
“I figured you would need one eventually.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled and disappeared into the bath room
Madison Square Gardens was a sight to behold, the arena was loud and people did not like my Canes sweater. We both walked in silence as we made our way to our rink side seats.
The boys skated out.
“Jordan doesn't know I am here either.”
“He doesn't?”
“No, if he knew I was here he would be looking for me and then he would see you.”
“Oh.”
The boys skated by a few times during warm-ups and Eric caught Tanya’s eye winking but nothing further.
The canes won as Lundqvist was having a bad night. Jordan scored in the shootout and Marc missed. Three to two in overtime.
“You ready?”
“Yes.”
I followed her through security, she showed them some kind of card so they let us pass.
I heard the excited yells coming from the locker room.
“It is big to win here.”
“I hear that.”
“They boys will be fun tonight.”
Eric walked out of the locker room as my phone beeped.

Hope you made it home
Jordan

can you pick me up
Ryan

What?
Jordan

He was typing on his phone as he walked out of the locker room. When he looked up to see where he was going he saw me, standing there in my red canes sweater.
The million watt smile that covered his face was something I would never forget.
“Yes I will pick you up.” he covered the room, wrapping his arms around me, kissing me hard, as he did.
“You are fucking killing me with all these surprises.”
“Well at least you know I won’t tell you I am pregnant.”
He laughed so hard he snorted, which in turn made me laugh until I snorted.
“I am glad you are here, true story.”
“I am glad I chose you over Philly.”
“Me too.” He leaned in a kissed me again.

The night had been a lot of kissing and snuggling, neither of us sure what the next level would be.
I didn't want to fly back to Philly the real world would be waiting. I hadn't talked to anyone since I left and I really didn't want to answer any questions. He left me around eleven to go back to the hotel. Curfew was at 11:30 and they were flying out early to play somewhere else. Jordan had told me but I hadn't remembered.

I will see you soon
Jordan

Miss you already
Ryan

Me too
Jordan

Thank you for everything
Ryan

No thanks needed
Jordan

I lay in the bedroom at Marc’s thinking about Jordan and what had happened this weekend. It has changed a lot of things for me. I realized how one sided my relationship with Claude had been. The last couple months had been nice, I guess he was just buttering me up, so he could play while the good girlfriend sat at home and waited.

“Hello, Ryan?”
“Hey lady, can you pick me up at 3 from the airport?”
“Yes, you are finally coming back.”
“I have a lot of things to figure out and do.”
“Work would be nice.”
“I know and thanks for the time off. I really wanted to thank you for that.”
“You would have been useless here anyway, how was North Carolina.”
“Wonderful, Jordan was so sweet and took really good care of me.”
“Good to know, Max, assured me that Jordan was just a flirt and you would be well taken care of.”
“Good, I will see you around three.”
“See you then, safe flying.”
“Thanks”

“Ryan.” Raven called
“Ryry” Sam called. I reached and hugged Raven picking up Sam as we broke apart.
“How have you been pumpkin head?”
“ Fine, can we play today.”
“Yes, maybe later though I am exhausted.”
“Max, has set up a room for you, so you can stay as long as you like.”
“Thanks.”
“It’s no problem.”
We rode to their house in silence.
“Have you seen him?”
“Not really, Max won’t speak to him outside of practice, most of the boys are a little upset with him too. I guess they knew but didn't really know.”
“How could they not know? I mean he was lovey dovey with me right in front of them.”
“Boys will be boys, I guess they just didn't understand what exactly was going on with you two.”
“Did they think I was a bunny?”
“Honestly I don't know what they thought.”

I climbed in the bed that night wishing that Jordan was wrapped around me.

Jordan

“You really like her huh?” Eric asked
“Yes, I do, I want her here with me all the time, I think she might be the one.”
“Jordan, do you really know her that well?”
“I know her enough to know that she makes my heart smile.”
“What about Elizabeth?”
“That was over a long time ago. I mean, I know we dated forever but she was just after the NHL career. You have Tanya who is all, “you are just a hockey player that gets paid”. She doesn't give a rat’s ass whether you are big time or not. She has loved you since high school. Elizabeth just isn't like that.”
“Yeah, I guess you are right.”
“I just see so much more in Ryan. She is smart, works hard and worries if she will be good enough to be seen with me in public. She actually thinks she could bring me down if she doesn't look good enough. Have you seen her? She is drop dead gorgeous, simple yet classic.”
“You love her.”
“I think I do.”
“What now? She live eight hundred miles away.”
“I don't know, I guess we'll just have to see what happens.”
“Good Luck with that.”
“I don't think I will need it.”

He laughed softly as we rode the bus to the hotel.

How are things there?
Jordan

Max set me up a room and I have settled. Going back to work Monday
Ryan

Work should be good.
Jordan

Yeah will keep me busy
Ryan

Did you see the game
Jordan

Yes and stop punching people
Ryan

I don't know what you are talking about
Jordan

Sure you don't
Ryan

Its part of the game sweetie
Jordan

Don't sweetie me
Ryan

What
Jordan
I don't want your face to get wrecked.
Ryan

You like it don't you
Jordan

You and those damn dimples
Ryan

I save them for you
Jordan

Only me?
Ryan

Only you
Jordan

Good, I save all my luck for you
Ryan

We are here, I will text you tomorrow
Jordan

Night
Ryan

Night
Jordan

I put my phone back in my pocket and grabbed my bag, exiting the bus, I had a stupid grin that Eric was all over.
“Ryan?”
“Yes, and what?”
“Nothing, just good to see you happy.”
“Thanks bro.”
We lost that night and for the first time in months I wanted to be in the comfort of Ryan’s arms.
I pulled out my phone and text her.

Rough game
Jordan

Sorry baby, Raven and I watched. :(
Ryan

I needed a good luck rub
Jordan

Maybe soon.
Ryan

Like how soon?
Jordan

I don't know but you guys play the Flyers in two weeks right?
Ryan

Yes
Jordan

Can I see you then?
Ryan

Yes but we will only be there one night.
Jordan

It will have to do.
Ryan

Anytime with you is what I want
Jordan

Where is Jordan and what have you done with him? ;)
Ryan

You make me want to be different
Jordan

Thanks, Jordan
Ryan

It’s the truth
Jordan

:)
Ryan

:P
Jordan

Do you feel better?
Ryan

Yes and Thank you
Jordan

Glad I could make you smile
Ryan

You do more than make me smile
Jordan

Like what?
Ryan

I spend a lot of time in the bathroom right now
Jordan

JORDAN STAAL
Ryan

You asked
Jordan

You are crazy
Ryan

I have been called worse
Jordan

Sexy?
Ryan

Maybe
Jordan

Handsome?
Ryan

A time or two
Jordan

Sweet?
Ryan

Never
Jordan

I find that hard to believe
Ryan

I am never sweet
Jordan

yes you are :)
Ryan

Only to you
Jordan

I would love nothing better than to talk to you all night but I have to work tomorrow and it is close to midnight, so I have to sleep
Ryan

Goodnight sweetie
Jordan

Night, text me tomorrow when you land
Ryan

I laid my phone on the seat beside me. We would be boarding the plane in a few minutes.
I sat on the plane next to Eric and settled in for the flight.

Ryan

I walked into the office the next morning to a few smiles but everyone was being a little weird. I realized as I walked into my office why, Claude was sitting there.
“What are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you.”
“I have nothing to say to you, I think I was pretty clear.”
“I just want to explain.”
“Explain what? That you were fucking around on me for a year? That you think I am going to be some fan girl that loves the idea of dating Claude Giroux? I don't give a fuck what you want to say, leave my office.” I was in tears at this point, I didn't want him here and it took everything in me not to run.
“I’m sorry, I don't know what I was thinking? I wanted you and I still do. I love you.”
“You don't fucking love me, you love the idea of me. The idea of having a girl like Max does. I am not that girl and I expect more of people. You are not good for me and I don't want this.”
“I do, I will do what I have to do to make this right. I will stop being an ass, stop sleeping around, whatever it takes. I love you.”
“Stop saying that you love me, you don't love me, you never did.”
“I did, I mean I do. I want you forever, I want to marry you. I want to be different for you.”
“Claude,” I bent down in front of him, “ I can't make you be a different person, you have to do that on your own. You will make someone very happy one day, but its not going to be me. If you loved me this would never have happened. You wouldn't be looking for other women and I don't want this. I think we jumped into this, and you weren't exactly sure what I expected, not that you didn't know. I need you to leave now, please.”
“Can I try to make this better?”
“No, Claude I don't think you can.”
“Where did you go?”
“I don't have to answer that.”
“You went to Jordan didn't you?”
“It is really none of your concern.”
“I knew there was more to that than just friends.”
“What the fuck are you getting at.”
“You ran to Raleigh, to fuck him.”
“I didn't sleep with him.”
“You have no reason to be honest with me."
"I wasn't the one who lied."
"I never lied."
“Omitting is the same thing.”
“I didn't lie.”
"Claude, I have nothing else to say."
"Please, Ryan"
"You need to leave I am at work and this conversation is over."
"Please." He looked pitiful, but I was done.
I turned walking behind my desk.
"If you don't leave, I will call security."
"Fuck you then."
"You already did."
He turned walking out if the office. I had tried to make this OK but he was trying as hard as he could to mess it all up.

I sat at the desk trying my best to pull it together.
I wanted to turn to Jordan but he had a game and I did to want to mess up his day, instead I walked across the hall to Ravens office.
"Are you OK?"
"I think so."
"You can only tell him that it is over, whether he chooses to believe or not is on him."
"I did, I think being with Jordan last week, made me see what I could be treated like. He is so attentive and kind and just wonderful. I don't know if he is any different from Claude, but his sister in law seems to think he likes me and the kissing.” I had to stop talking because I was already feeling flushed.
"Jordan as in Staal?"
"Yes."
"We'll if it is too hard to be here, I can see if we can transfer you to Raleigh."
"You could do that?"
"If you want me too."
“I don't think running to Raleigh is going to solve any problems for me.”
“What do you have here?”
“You and some other friends.”
“Exactly, what are you going to lose by going to Raleigh. It may actually be a better fit for you. It is quieter, and the team is less noticeable. I think it may be good for you. I could do Charlotte if you think that would be better?”
“Can we just leave things the way they are for now?”
“Whatever you want is fine, I just want you happy, you are a sister to me and I love you.”
“I love you too Raven.”

The talk made me feel better, I knew now that I had other options. Did I want to move to North Carolina? Did Jordan and I actually have a future? There were always so many questions, questions that dictated my life. Why did everything always hang on one decision, trust was going to be a problem no matter where I was or who I dated. I don't think I have ever had a relationship where the guy didn't cheat.