Heavy Heart

“To Daria!”

A round of cheers surrounded her as the girls toasted in her name, in various states of disarray in Litzy’s posh bedroom. It seemed as though the only one ready to go was Daria, already dressed up from saying goodbye to Robin and Anne at dinner in London. For whatever reason, Harry was unable to make it, promising he’d see her at Blaze later on.

“Guys,” Daria protested with a low whine, only to take a shot along with the rest of the girls as they downed them. Violet was conspicuously missing, as though she either hadn’t been invited or couldn’t make it – Daria didn’t quite know. But she wasn’t the least bit sad about her absence whatsoever.

“I have a speech to give!” Litzy announced, already a little tipsy. “Everyone shut your yaps! Speech, speech!”

The girls around cheered through fits of laughter, goading Litzy on with continued chants of ‘Speech! Speech!’ Daria wished she could have faded into the dark red walls around them, disappearing seamlessly into the night. She hated being the center of attention more than anything else – but perhaps this one time she could let it slide. It was her last night out with her friends, her last chance to be with them before she went back to Connecticut.

“Daria,” Litzy cooed, standing up from her spot next to Poppy on the couch. “You have had quite the semester here, don’t you think? I remember the first day we met, you practically ran out of Dr. James’ lecture hall. You went from timid little Daria Holmes from the states to girlfriend of Harry fucking Styles, and somehow managed to pull the best grades out of all of us this semester. I don’t know what kind of witchcraft you preformed to get James to take your paper but Jesus God I wish I had some.”

The girls erupted into laughter again, clapping as Daria shook her head in dissent. Litzy grinned from behind the grown out ends of her bob, her bright eyes shimmering with the liquor and also the nostalgia.

“If we’re being honest, I don’t know what this semester would have been like without you,” she continued in a much more serious tone, taking a sip from the wine glass in her hand. “I thought I had all the friends I needed living in that eight man, but I guess there was a different plan when you and Liv moved in. And God, I’m so thankful you did.

“I think I can speak for everyone when I say you’ve grown to be a part of us. And I don’t know what things are going to be like without you now that you’ve weaseled your way into our hearts. I’m going to miss you so terribly.”

Daria’s eyes began to well with tears, her heart aching at Litzy’s words. That was the first time any given one of her friends had ever expressed their love for her in such a manner – even her friends from high school never were so openly forward about how much they meant to each other. The girls around were nodding and calling out their additional sentiments, Olivia and Poppy sucking their lips in to keep from crying. It was all becoming real in front of her eyes that one week from that moment, she would be on a plane flying across the glittering, dark Atlantic.

“Litz,” she groaned through a laugh, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Oh no, don’t cry!” Litzy exclaimed, flicking a tear of her own from her cheek. “We’d just finished your makeup. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll wrap it up.”

“Please do!” Ivy cried from the corner in a fit of giggles, struggling to get her legs into a pair of tights as she balanced. “Longwinded old bat!”

“Sod off Ivy,” Litzy teased back, throwing a pillow in her direction. “Alright, alright, I’ll finish up. Long story short, I love you Daria. We all do. So here’s to tonight, to us, and to you. One last little bit of fun before we kill ourselves with studying.”

“Here here!” Lucie and Lacey agreed, filling up another round of shot glasses with a pale brown liquor. Daria got up and crossed the room, wrapping Litzy up in a hug. They embraced while the glasses got passed around, joining in with the girls in another shot. Daria decided straight away that they were going to have to stop drinking at Litzy’s, otherwise they would never make it to the club. She was already starting to feel weak in the knees.

Suddenly, the tones of her ringer went off on her phone, illuminating from her spot on the bed next to Sadie and Elsie. “It’s Zayn,” Elsie chimed, picking up the phone. “Can I answer please?”

“Oh, give me that,” Daria intoned teasingly, catching the phone in her hands as Elsie tossed it to her. “Zayn?”

“Daria, where the bloody hell are you lot?” Zayn greeted unceremoniously.

“That’s no way to treat a lady Zayn Malik,” she protested with a laugh, motioning for the girls to start finishing up. “We’re still at Litzy’s, we’ll be there in a bit. Promise.”

“You’re late, Harry’s late, Jesus we’re all sitting here in the booth like a bunch of losers,” he pouted.

“I refute the fact that four-fifths of One Direction in a booth at a club could be labeled as ‘a bunch of losers,’” Daria teased, wrapping a coat around her as the rest of the girls started to do the same.

“I don’t know what refute means Daria, but I don’t like the sounds of you belittling me,” Zayn countered back, the sound of the bass in the background pulsing on the line. “Hurry up, would you please!”

“Alright, alright,” Daria said through a chuckle. “We’ll be on our way shortly. Watch for us.”

In moments, the girls were ready and on the Tube, headed to Blaze in their various levels of vixen-esque appearance. Sadie seemed to be the worst of all, tugging constantly on the hem of her skirt as they went, nervous that if she made one wrong move, her ass cheeks would be exposed to the rest of greater London.

Daria was excited to see Harry for the first time in what felt like ages, but was really only a few days. They were nearing the end of their days spent side by side, the ocean between them bound to keep them apart for at least a while. He had been acting so strange lately, bailing on all sorts of things they were supposed to do together – hanging out at Zayn’s, eating dinner with his parents, the like. She hoped he wasn’t sick or anything serious, that he was just busier than usual. Harry was such a busy guy.

They found the boys in a booth, already fairly drunk. Zayn kissed Daria’s cheeks twice before moving on to greet the rest of the girls, clearly glad that Violet was stunningly absent from the group. Liam and Louis ordered a round of drinks, and Niall immediately went to Olivia’s side, much to Daria’s amusement. The group settled in amongst each other, talking and drinking and dancing – but one member was absent, yet again.

“Harry’s not here yet?” Daria asked the boys.

“Haven’t heard from him,” Louis said with a shrug. “Don’t know what the bloke is up to. I’m sure he’ll be here soon though, Dar. I don’t know what he would be doing at this hour anyway.”

He ordered her another drink, encouraging her to finish them as fast as she could in order to play catch up with them. Soon they were all fairly drunk, dancing fluidly on the dance floor just feet from their booth, where Niall and Olivia appeared to be deep on conversation. Daria couldn’t help but smile as she watched them over Liam’s shoulder as they danced, happy for Niall and especially for Olivia.

Finally, a deep, husky voice came from behind her. “Can I cut in?”

She spun to see Harry, dressed in his black jeans and a white Comme des Garçons v-neck, sheepish smile on his face. Daria exuded a little drunken squeal, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling his body close to hers. He wrapped his arms around her in return, burying his face in her hair and sighing against her temple, his breath warm against her skin.

“I love your hair like this,” he complimented, running his hands through to the loose ends pooled around her chest.

“I know,” Daria responded with a bright grin. “I wore it like this for you. I missed you and wanted to impress you.”

Harry gave her a funny look, a mixture of surprise and comfortable knowing. Her drunken honesty had a tendency to catch him off guard, throwing him for a loop with her forward words. But they’d been together for long enough that he found it endearing, and instead scooped her up in his arms and kissed her deeply.

“I’m sorry I’ve been a flake,” he muttered, running his hand through his fringe as an embarrassed tick. “I just have had a lot on my mind.”

Daria grinned at him kissing him again lightly on his lips, and then on his cheek, bringing a smile back to Harry’s face. “Let’s get it off your mind with some drinks then, silly! I need you on my level.”

And as they all danced and drank and laughed together – Niall and Olivia even kissed – Daria felt like despite all else, everything was going to be okay. She had some of the best friends in the world, and she would see them again. She had the best boyfriend in the world, and she would do anything for him. She would make it work, no matter what. She would do it for Harry, of course she would. Because she loved him.

Holy shit, she thought to herself as they left to return to Harry’s. I love him.

This thought followed her all the way home like a glow around her head, illuminating her feelings for all to see. He held her hand in the car, pressing lovelorn kisses the spot just behind her ear as Sober Louis drove them home. Her skin was on fire beneath his stumbling lips, and even more so when he got her to his room and kissed her even more, and in even more places.

Being with Harry was like living in a different world, Daria realized. Her happiness began when he entered her life, and while she hoped that she would have been happy at Birmingham had he not entered her life, she couldn’t imagine it happening any other way. He opened so many doors to her, guided her through so many difficult situations – whether he was aware of it or not – and made her feel romantic love for the very first time. There was never anyone like Harry. And she loved him for that.

She loved him for the way his lips curled upwards just slightly when he found something amusing, and how they broke out into a full grin when he saw her from across the room. She loved him for the way he held her at night, and for the way he kissed her goodbye when they went their separate ways for even just a time. She loved him for how he couldn’t carry a tune when he hummed despite his talents, and she loved him for how he encouraged her talents too. She loved him for being her sunrise and her sunset, for being her rock and for at the same time challenging her, she loved him for handling her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

As they lay there in bed, breath heavy from hard work, Harry’s arms around her, she drunkenly worked up the courage to tell him. “Harry?” she asked through a yawn in the silence of his room, from the spot she’d slept so many times. She was growing sleepy already, exhausted from all the events of the night, but couldn’t let the topic go when she’d already worked up so much courage.

“What’s on your mind, love?”

Her heart quivered at his words, wanting to shout those three words out the window for all of London to hear. He ran his fingertips up and down her shoulder blade, soothing her nerves without even knowing they were there.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Okay,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. “I’m listening.”

“Harry…” she murmured against the bare skin of his chest, listening to his heartbeat underneath her ear. “Harry, I… I love you.”

She felt his muscles tighten beneath her, a reaction she hadn’t exactly expected. Automatically she’d assumed that he would just say it back – it seemed like the most obvious option. But instead it seemed he was afraid of those words, the words she just said so frivolously in her drunken state. She wished immediately that she could gobble them up just as easily as they came out.

“Daria,” he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. “I…. you know you’re very special to me. I just…”

“It’s okay!” she exclaimed in her softest voice possible. “No, please don’t! I shouldn’t have said anything. You don’t have to say it back, it’s okay.”

He sighed, squeezing her tightly to his body. “Let’s just go to bed, yeah? We can talk about this when we’re in a better state of mind.”

“Good idea,” she agreed hurriedly, humiliated and absolutely mortified. More than anything she wanted to forget that it ever happened, secretly praying that Harry was drunk enough that he would remember in the morning.

It was nearly another sleepless night in his bed, the pair lying awake wordlessly until all hours of the morning. Finally, Daria fell into a lull, not realizing how deeply she slept until she woke up in the morning to an empty bed. All that was left of Harry was a note on his pillow, saying merely -