Kacper Grove

I awoke pressed into his chest in the passenger seat. The space was narrow, just how we liked it. He held his arm under my head and the other around my naked waist just tightly enough. His chest would rise and fall in sync with his steady breathing. It was late by that time, and Travis was fast asleep. I softly would stroke his strong arms with my finger tips when I felt him stir. Every once in a while, he would have nightmares about when he was young. Some nights I could practically hear his heart race, and he would toss so badly that he would shake the bed.

He grew up in the coal regions of Pennsylvania when he was a boy. The coal areas were a rough place to live for anybody, but especially for Travis. In his house with his mother and father lived his older brother and two younger sisters. In order of age, there was Anthony, Travis, Carrie, and Liz. Until Travis was fifteen, he watched his mother and his sisters be pushed around and beaten by his own father. He’d always felt very protective of the women in his life, but he could never measure up to his father.

Travis and Anthony were occasionally beaten, but never to the degree of their sisters. One January night when their father had been particularly intoxicated, Anthony seized the opportunity to drive all of siblings to get some ice cream. When the four of them returned home that night, their father’s truck was gone. When they opened the door, they found their mother lying unconscious on their living room floor. The carpet around her was soaked in dark red blood.

Liz and Carrie ran to the porch and cried, screamed for somebody to help them. Anthony knelt down to provide basic first aid to the stab wounds to his mother’s stomach and arms. “Travis, call an ambulance. Travis! Do you understand what I’m saying? Call help. Travis, what the fuck are you doing?”

Travis couldn’t stop staring at his mother. Why didn’t he make her go for ice cream with them? His stomach felt sick with guilt. He felt hate in his soul that no person should ever feel in their lifetime. “Fine, you know what? You keep her propped up, okay?” Anthony seemed very cool and collected, but he knew that his mother would die. He rationalized that panicking would only upset his siblings, and he needed to take responsibility for them now.

He guided Travis’s hands to where he needed to apply pressure to keep the blood from flowing more. Within minutes, the ambulance arrived with three police cars trailing closely behind. Officer’s stormed the house, making sure everything was clear. Travis remembered the officers talking to him, but nothing specific. All he could remember was the last time his eyes saw his mothers face.

That was the day that Travis vowed to kill himself. He wouldn’t do it that day, and not the next, but he swore he would.

He grabbed tighter onto my waist. I wanted to be able to love all of the hate out of him. I wished there was some kind of scientific way to heal his wounds through taking care of him myself, but there were some things I knew that I could never do for him. The very thought of not being able to help him made me want to cry.

He buried his face into my hair and took a deep breath. “Are you awake?” I whispered. He grunted a deep, manly noise. His thumb caressed the small of my back. “Do you love me?” he asked.

I hugged him as tightly as I could and nuzzled my nose into his chest. “I love you in more ways than the gravitational mass of a singularity.” I whispered.

“You’re kind of a geek.” he laughed softly. “Do you know that I really do love you?”

“Tell me again.”

“I love you, Alice. I want you all for myself. I don’t care how selfish it sounds, but that’s how I feel. I don’t want anyone to come near you and hurt you, or I would kill ‘em. And I don’t want anybody to ever take you away from me. Ever. Can you promise me that?”

Tears ran down my cheek and made little pools on his chest. The though of ever being away from him made me feel sick. I knew that he truly meant what he said, but I didn’t want him to be afraid of any of those things. I wanted him to never be afraid.

“I promise. I’m never leaving.” He kissed the palm of his hand and rested it over my heart. “It’s still really early. Go back to sleep, babe.”

He reached across me and grabbed his sweatshirt. He draped it around me and drifted into a peaceful sleep.