Phobophobia

“Excuse me, but has…” Aidan’s voice drifted off as the nurse shook her head, answering the question asked every check in, every day. The girl was young, no older than 17, but had the tone of voice one adopted when death was a familiar companion. It was, for this girl. Aidan had lost both parents younger, and had so often wanted to blame someone else for it, but knew she never could. It was Zander’s fault, through and through. And now, it seemed, karma had finally caught up with him.

She watched warily as the nurse continued to check the various machines surrounding Zander. He had gone a strange pallor, and it didn’t suit him. His skin was usually a light gold colour at its tannest. During the winter it was just a little paler. He was always outside and got sun, no matter how faint, to keep him the slightest bit tan. His hair had recently been dyed back to its normal brown, with the exception of a few streaks here and there to give it just the right look. It had grown out considerably, and was now filthy and knotted. Zander was also considerably thinner, mostly due to only liquefied nutrients entering his body through the IV. He would be weak if- when- he awoke, and that would piss him off. Aidan couldn’t see his eyes, but knew that beneath the closed lids they were the same as they had always been. One a royal blue and one an ice blue. The same as hers.

They were twins, fraternal, but had somehow come out looking almost exactly alike. Zander, though, was far taller and more masculine, with a stronger bone structure that was especially apparent in his jawline while her features were delicate and distinctly feminine. But, even so, they looked so much the same that many people thought it was a genetic fluke that made the twins boy and girl, and that they were really identical. Not medically true in the slightest. Nevertheless, they looked the same, to outsiders at least. Their personalities, though opposites, complimented each other. Zander was restless but calm, while Aidan was controlled and constantly worried. He was quick witted and easily at the top of their class, she was able to keep up with him and often saw things from the other side, creating for heated debates in class and enjoyment for any and all viewers. Sadly, she was ranked second in their class because he got one percentage higher in one class. He was protective and careless, she was in need of protection and overly cautious. He was a rock to anyone in need, but in all reality as changing as the water while she seemed as though she couldn’t make up her mind when she actually knew what she wanted and needed from the start.

They were Yin and Yang. They needed one another, because without each other they seemed incomplete. One summer when they were eight Aidan went to a Girl Scout camp without Zander. Within three days she was back home and they wouldn’t leave each other’s side for the next week. In school they had almost all of their classes together, only one apart. They shared a bedroom up until they were 11, when puberty would was so close they were forces apart. Even now, their rooms were just next door to each other and most nights one could be found asleep on the floor of the others room. Usually, though, Blake took the floor of her room since it was carpeted. He had a hardwood floor with a few rugs over it, and piles and piles of laundry blanketing the rest.

As Aidan took in the sight of Zander lying in the hospital bed, white sheets, white pillows, white walls, his sickly white face, all she saw was a stranger. Nowhere in the room was her twin, the boy she knew better than herself. The boy who was so good, yet so horrible. So alive. Now, all he was, was dying. Dead. In a coma.

And, for the first time ever, there was nothing one twin could do to help the other.