My Immortal- Andley Oneshot
My Immortal
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
“A-Andy? Wh… where are you?” My voice echoed around the empty room, scared and confused. I rolled in bed, almost expecting to suddenly be wrapped in a pair of long, lanky arms and be pulled into a chest-crushing embrace, but the other side of my bed was cold. Still half asleep, I crawled across the bed that I used to share with my lover, as if searching for his body- but the only thing that I found was the floor, which I toppled onto.
Sobbing, I crawled backwards until I hit a wall, which I then slid along until I found the corner of the room. Dropping my head into my arms, I curled up into a small ball, shivering without the warmth that used to comfort me. My voice whimpered out unintelligible words as I cried, my chest heaving and sweat cold sweat pouring down my body.
“Andy… Come back…”
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here,
And it won't leave me alone
I could never stand to see you with anyone else.
“Ashes, what do you think sounds better? ‘I love you more than I will ever scream,’ or, ‘I love you more than I can ever scream?’” I sighed as Andy stared up at me with those pouty, blue eyes of his, causing me to forget the tune of the guitar tab I was writing.
“How am I supposed to know? Just choose the second one,” I snapped, trying to remember what that tune was. I couldn’t though- an unpleasant ball of jealousy began to form as I glared at Andy’s fast-moving pen. I could only wish for a day when he could write me a song like that. The girl that he was writing it for should feel like the luckiest in the world.
“Hey, Andy, who’re you writing that for?” I tried to keep the jealousy out of my voice, intending to ask it like a normal, everyday question, though Andy obviously took it a different way. His entire body froze up, his hand twitching and leaving an inerasable slash of black ink across his notebook.
“Uhh, you know… it’s… it’s…… Oh, it’s for Scout!” I could feel distaste seeping into my features- I did not like Scout, if you couldn’t already tell. She seemed like a total bitchy bandwhore, and didn’t deserve Andy’s perfection.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
And when I did, I couldn’t take it.
Feeling tears slide down my face, I sprinted to the bathroom as if hiding from what I had just seen- Scout and Andy, behind the studio, kissing. Intending to get the beautiful scene out of my head, I slipped on a pair of headphones and turned KISS up onto full volume. That didn’t work, though- I couldn’t get the image of Andy’s expression, startled and angry when I accidentally walked in on them, out of my head.
Feeling the much-hated depression begin to set in again, I slowly crouched down onto the cool tiled floor, my hands opening the under-sink cupboard and reaching to its very back, pulling out a dusty old friend. I almost smiled as I blew off the little black case, gently sliding it open to reveal a silvery blade, so clean that it almost looked like new.
Drawing the blade across my wrist in a thin, straight line, I hissed quietly at the sweet pain. Beads of blood dripped from the shallow cut, staining both the blade and my pants. Feeling some of the painful emotions calm as my life source dripped away, I quickly dragged the blade across my wrist twice more before wrapping it up in white gauze and hiding the razor in the back of the cupboard yet again.
As I walked out of the bathroom, I was startled to find Andy waiting for me. He, for some reason, looked… worried as he grasped my shoulders, saying, “Ashley, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Faking a small laugh, I made to push him away, saying, “I’m fine, I’m fi-”, though I was abruptly cut off as Andy grabbed my bandaged wrist.
Peering at it with a heartbroken expression, he asked, “Ash, you… didn’t do this to yourself, did you?” I could feel small beads of sweat form on my forehead, but I ignored them, trying to act as normal as possible.
“Ah, this? No, no, I just cut it while I was making breakfast this morning. Don’t worry about me!” Andy’s eyes narrowed, as if he could see through my lie, but then his gaze cleared up and he brought my wrist up to his lips, pressing a soft, tingly kiss just above the first cut.
“You should be more careful, Ashley.”
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I was woken up one night at three in the morning, multiple long, painful months later, by you pounding on my front door. Your tears meant happiness to me.
“Who the fuck is it?” I yelled, throwing open the thick wood door to see Andy, dripping wet and sobbing. Of course I was scared- Andy never cried. I hurriedly pulled him inside, sitting him down on my leather couch and giving him a towel and some hot tea.
“What’s wrong, Andy?” I asked, putting my arm around his back as I sat down next him. It was a few moments before he said, “I-I came home, and found Scout with… with… a-another guy.” My arm gripped his side tighter as Andy continued, “She said… that I was too boring for her.” I could feel my gaze darken, anger boiling up inside my mind as Andy started crying again, leaning close into my embrace. “Maybe she was right.”
That single statement set me off- I pulled Andy’s hands away from his face, almost ready to shake him by the shoulders, and yelled, “Andy, you shouldn’t care about anything that bitch says! She was the one who cheated on you! She’s the one who obviously is wrong.” As Andy stopped crying, I whispered, “You’re perfect,” almost as if I didn’t want Andy to hear.
We rested like that for a few minutes, me holding Andy like I’d always dreamed, until he asked quietly, “Ash? Did you really mean what you said? About me being perfect?” Andy stared up at me with those blue eyes, the depths that they extended to causing me to get lost into the rich colour.
“Y-yeah,” I said, almost uneasy. Of their own accord, my eyes drifted down to his lips, and before I could stop myself, my lips were pressed against Andy’s. His lips were just as soft as I’d hoped they would be, and he was just as sweet as I’d imagined. Much to my surprise, Andy didn’t shove me away- instead, he kissed me back, slipping his own tongue into my mouth and fighting me for dominance.
I pulled away, panting slightly, and asked, “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
I couldn’t live without your body by my side, without your warm personality filling every corner of every room. I didn’t want anyone else to be able to look at you the way that I could.
“Thank you for inviting us here today,” Andy said into the microphone, his words being recorded by every reporter and every camera at the press conference. “We’re going to start off with any questions you’d like to ask about us- we’ll get to questions about our band, our career, later on.” I couldn’t help but look on at my boyfriend with pride. The way he commanded everyone’s attention was a far cry from the boy I had kissed on my couch a couple years ago.
“Yes, you in the back,” Andy said, pointing to a large man in a tweed coat. He struggled to his feet and, with his pen poised over his notebook, asked, “Why did you change your makeup?” Andy, prepared as he was, said immediately, “We think it’s just because our style is evolving- we’re getting bigger, our music is changing dramatically, and we’re becoming more in-tune with how and with whom we want to live our lives with.” I could see a small amount of pink rise to his cheeks, and I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye.
“We’re really at a key stage in our career right now, so we’re all trying to find ways to truly define ourselves before it’s too late,” Jinxx added over the sound of pens scratching paper.
“You, miss,” Andy called when most of the writing had stopped. A young girl, only a few years older than us, stood up nervously and said, “Though the media does know who you’ve been in relationships with, me and my colleagues would like to know- Could you please tell us your relationship status?” Chuckles came from the crowd, which seemed to be staring at us with the intensity of a predator sighting its prey.
Andy blushed bright red, and I shifted uneasily in my seat, looking away from the rest of the band. Jake, seeing our discomfort, leaned forward and said, “Well, for starters, I’m engaged to my lovely fiancée Ella, and Jinxx is engaged to Sammi Doll.” A few “awwws” came from the crowd at this, and Jinxx smiled.
“Unfortunately, Chuppy isn’t here right now, but he’s dating Lauren Watson.” There were quite a few whispers among the crowd, though the only one spoken loud enough was the title, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ I blushed slightly; that made me think back to a fanfiction I read a few nights ago…
“What about you, Andy?” Someone called from the crowd, and I saw him flinch slightly.
“Uhh… Well, t-the person I’m dating…” he stuttered into the microphone, “The person that I’m dating is named… Ashley…” A few of the reporters looked suspiciously at me, though most smiled slightly at his nervousness.
I cleared my throat, which was suddenly extremely dry, and said quietly, “I’m not single either. I’m dating a person… named Andy Biersack…” There were quite a few gasps among the crowd, and Andy grabbed my hand in a death grip, hiding his face in my hair.
Smiling down at his red face, I leaned forward and said, “Moving on!”
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
The Heaven that I had been living in suddenly shattered when I discovered the things that you had been hiding from me.
“Andy, what is this?!” I yelled, waving an empty syringe at Andy’s drunken face. He giggled and placed a clumsy arm around my shoulder, breathing sour breath into my face. “I found this under our bed! Have you actually got the nerves to be using?!”
“Don’t worry, maaan,” he slurred, nearly jabbing his finger on the needle as he took it away from me, throwing it over his shoulder. “Iss not anything baaad. I’m just havin’ a lil’ fun, that’s aaall.”
Seeing the love of my life in a state like this brought tears to my eyes, though what he said next was even worse:
“You can’t tell Ashley!”
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I couldn’t just give up on you, but the one night that everything seemed to be getting better…
“Andy, I’m home!” I called, my voice echoing through our spacious flat. Kicking off my boots, I anxiously fingered the letter that rested in my pocket- our biggest record deal yet, and paper that could promise the biggest tour we’d ever been on.
Excited to get the letter to my bandmate, who recently became my fiancé, I skidded through the halls in my Hello Kitty socks, sliding until I stopped in front of our bedroom door. Not bothering to knock, I threw open the door. “Andy, Andy, guess wh-”
I froze, the sight before me almost burning eyes- Andy, asleep in my bed with another woman. Andy, the one that I loved ever since I had set eyes on him. Andy, the light at the end of my tunnel. Andy, the cheater.
“Who the fuck is this?!”
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You willingly sat through my ranting, all of my yelling and my rude words, and then told me that you still loved me. By the next morning, I wished that I accepted your apology.
“This is Sheryl Crowe, reporting for CNN News. Our top story today, Andy Biersack, lead singer of the famous rock band Black Veil Brides, mysteriously went missing last night. He was last seen by his fiancé and bandmate, Ashley Purdy, in the apartment that they share.”
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
I had never felt true despair before you left. All of those times that I gave into bullying and cut myself, I now feel like a total prick.
You don’t feel true despair until your soulmate leaves you. It feels like your heart trying to scrape its way out of your chest and commit suicide, spraying thick black blood all over your memories and emotions.
I've been alone for six months, not contacting the band or my family, staying in my flat and trying to keep the nightmares away. I’ve bought the warmest sheets I could find, purchased the best heating system money could buy, completely insulated my walls… anything that could keep me warm.
None of it’s as warm as your embrace used to be.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Suppressed by all my childish fears
“A-Andy? Wh… where are you?” My voice echoed around the empty room, scared and confused. I rolled in bed, almost expecting to suddenly be wrapped in a pair of long, lanky arms and be pulled into a chest-crushing embrace, but the other side of my bed was cold. Still half asleep, I crawled across the bed that I used to share with my lover, as if searching for his body- but the only thing that I found was the floor, which I toppled onto.
Sobbing, I crawled backwards until I hit a wall, which I then slid along until I found the corner of the room. Dropping my head into my arms, I curled up into a small ball, shivering without the warmth that used to comfort me. My voice whimpered out unintelligible words as I cried, my chest heaving and sweat cold sweat pouring down my body.
“Andy… Come back…”
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here,
And it won't leave me alone
I could never stand to see you with anyone else.
“Ashes, what do you think sounds better? ‘I love you more than I will ever scream,’ or, ‘I love you more than I can ever scream?’” I sighed as Andy stared up at me with those pouty, blue eyes of his, causing me to forget the tune of the guitar tab I was writing.
“How am I supposed to know? Just choose the second one,” I snapped, trying to remember what that tune was. I couldn’t though- an unpleasant ball of jealousy began to form as I glared at Andy’s fast-moving pen. I could only wish for a day when he could write me a song like that. The girl that he was writing it for should feel like the luckiest in the world.
“Hey, Andy, who’re you writing that for?” I tried to keep the jealousy out of my voice, intending to ask it like a normal, everyday question, though Andy obviously took it a different way. His entire body froze up, his hand twitching and leaving an inerasable slash of black ink across his notebook.
“Uhh, you know… it’s… it’s…… Oh, it’s for Scout!” I could feel distaste seeping into my features- I did not like Scout, if you couldn’t already tell. She seemed like a total bitchy bandwhore, and didn’t deserve Andy’s perfection.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
And when I did, I couldn’t take it.
Feeling tears slide down my face, I sprinted to the bathroom as if hiding from what I had just seen- Scout and Andy, behind the studio, kissing. Intending to get the beautiful scene out of my head, I slipped on a pair of headphones and turned KISS up onto full volume. That didn’t work, though- I couldn’t get the image of Andy’s expression, startled and angry when I accidentally walked in on them, out of my head.
Feeling the much-hated depression begin to set in again, I slowly crouched down onto the cool tiled floor, my hands opening the under-sink cupboard and reaching to its very back, pulling out a dusty old friend. I almost smiled as I blew off the little black case, gently sliding it open to reveal a silvery blade, so clean that it almost looked like new.
Drawing the blade across my wrist in a thin, straight line, I hissed quietly at the sweet pain. Beads of blood dripped from the shallow cut, staining both the blade and my pants. Feeling some of the painful emotions calm as my life source dripped away, I quickly dragged the blade across my wrist twice more before wrapping it up in white gauze and hiding the razor in the back of the cupboard yet again.
As I walked out of the bathroom, I was startled to find Andy waiting for me. He, for some reason, looked… worried as he grasped my shoulders, saying, “Ashley, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Faking a small laugh, I made to push him away, saying, “I’m fine, I’m fi-”, though I was abruptly cut off as Andy grabbed my bandaged wrist.
Peering at it with a heartbroken expression, he asked, “Ash, you… didn’t do this to yourself, did you?” I could feel small beads of sweat form on my forehead, but I ignored them, trying to act as normal as possible.
“Ah, this? No, no, I just cut it while I was making breakfast this morning. Don’t worry about me!” Andy’s eyes narrowed, as if he could see through my lie, but then his gaze cleared up and he brought my wrist up to his lips, pressing a soft, tingly kiss just above the first cut.
“You should be more careful, Ashley.”
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I was woken up one night at three in the morning, multiple long, painful months later, by you pounding on my front door. Your tears meant happiness to me.
“Who the fuck is it?” I yelled, throwing open the thick wood door to see Andy, dripping wet and sobbing. Of course I was scared- Andy never cried. I hurriedly pulled him inside, sitting him down on my leather couch and giving him a towel and some hot tea.
“What’s wrong, Andy?” I asked, putting my arm around his back as I sat down next him. It was a few moments before he said, “I-I came home, and found Scout with… with… a-another guy.” My arm gripped his side tighter as Andy continued, “She said… that I was too boring for her.” I could feel my gaze darken, anger boiling up inside my mind as Andy started crying again, leaning close into my embrace. “Maybe she was right.”
That single statement set me off- I pulled Andy’s hands away from his face, almost ready to shake him by the shoulders, and yelled, “Andy, you shouldn’t care about anything that bitch says! She was the one who cheated on you! She’s the one who obviously is wrong.” As Andy stopped crying, I whispered, “You’re perfect,” almost as if I didn’t want Andy to hear.
We rested like that for a few minutes, me holding Andy like I’d always dreamed, until he asked quietly, “Ash? Did you really mean what you said? About me being perfect?” Andy stared up at me with those blue eyes, the depths that they extended to causing me to get lost into the rich colour.
“Y-yeah,” I said, almost uneasy. Of their own accord, my eyes drifted down to his lips, and before I could stop myself, my lips were pressed against Andy’s. His lips were just as soft as I’d hoped they would be, and he was just as sweet as I’d imagined. Much to my surprise, Andy didn’t shove me away- instead, he kissed me back, slipping his own tongue into my mouth and fighting me for dominance.
I pulled away, panting slightly, and asked, “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
I couldn’t live without your body by my side, without your warm personality filling every corner of every room. I didn’t want anyone else to be able to look at you the way that I could.
“Thank you for inviting us here today,” Andy said into the microphone, his words being recorded by every reporter and every camera at the press conference. “We’re going to start off with any questions you’d like to ask about us- we’ll get to questions about our band, our career, later on.” I couldn’t help but look on at my boyfriend with pride. The way he commanded everyone’s attention was a far cry from the boy I had kissed on my couch a couple years ago.
“Yes, you in the back,” Andy said, pointing to a large man in a tweed coat. He struggled to his feet and, with his pen poised over his notebook, asked, “Why did you change your makeup?” Andy, prepared as he was, said immediately, “We think it’s just because our style is evolving- we’re getting bigger, our music is changing dramatically, and we’re becoming more in-tune with how and with whom we want to live our lives with.” I could see a small amount of pink rise to his cheeks, and I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye.
“We’re really at a key stage in our career right now, so we’re all trying to find ways to truly define ourselves before it’s too late,” Jinxx added over the sound of pens scratching paper.
“You, miss,” Andy called when most of the writing had stopped. A young girl, only a few years older than us, stood up nervously and said, “Though the media does know who you’ve been in relationships with, me and my colleagues would like to know- Could you please tell us your relationship status?” Chuckles came from the crowd, which seemed to be staring at us with the intensity of a predator sighting its prey.
Andy blushed bright red, and I shifted uneasily in my seat, looking away from the rest of the band. Jake, seeing our discomfort, leaned forward and said, “Well, for starters, I’m engaged to my lovely fiancée Ella, and Jinxx is engaged to Sammi Doll.” A few “awwws” came from the crowd at this, and Jinxx smiled.
“Unfortunately, Chuppy isn’t here right now, but he’s dating Lauren Watson.” There were quite a few whispers among the crowd, though the only one spoken loud enough was the title, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ I blushed slightly; that made me think back to a fanfiction I read a few nights ago…
“What about you, Andy?” Someone called from the crowd, and I saw him flinch slightly.
“Uhh… Well, t-the person I’m dating…” he stuttered into the microphone, “The person that I’m dating is named… Ashley…” A few of the reporters looked suspiciously at me, though most smiled slightly at his nervousness.
I cleared my throat, which was suddenly extremely dry, and said quietly, “I’m not single either. I’m dating a person… named Andy Biersack…” There were quite a few gasps among the crowd, and Andy grabbed my hand in a death grip, hiding his face in my hair.
Smiling down at his red face, I leaned forward and said, “Moving on!”
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
The Heaven that I had been living in suddenly shattered when I discovered the things that you had been hiding from me.
“Andy, what is this?!” I yelled, waving an empty syringe at Andy’s drunken face. He giggled and placed a clumsy arm around my shoulder, breathing sour breath into my face. “I found this under our bed! Have you actually got the nerves to be using?!”
“Don’t worry, maaan,” he slurred, nearly jabbing his finger on the needle as he took it away from me, throwing it over his shoulder. “Iss not anything baaad. I’m just havin’ a lil’ fun, that’s aaall.”
Seeing the love of my life in a state like this brought tears to my eyes, though what he said next was even worse:
“You can’t tell Ashley!”
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I couldn’t just give up on you, but the one night that everything seemed to be getting better…
“Andy, I’m home!” I called, my voice echoing through our spacious flat. Kicking off my boots, I anxiously fingered the letter that rested in my pocket- our biggest record deal yet, and paper that could promise the biggest tour we’d ever been on.
Excited to get the letter to my bandmate, who recently became my fiancé, I skidded through the halls in my Hello Kitty socks, sliding until I stopped in front of our bedroom door. Not bothering to knock, I threw open the door. “Andy, Andy, guess wh-”
I froze, the sight before me almost burning eyes- Andy, asleep in my bed with another woman. Andy, the one that I loved ever since I had set eyes on him. Andy, the light at the end of my tunnel. Andy, the cheater.
“Who the fuck is this?!”
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You willingly sat through my ranting, all of my yelling and my rude words, and then told me that you still loved me. By the next morning, I wished that I accepted your apology.
“This is Sheryl Crowe, reporting for CNN News. Our top story today, Andy Biersack, lead singer of the famous rock band Black Veil Brides, mysteriously went missing last night. He was last seen by his fiancé and bandmate, Ashley Purdy, in the apartment that they share.”
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
I had never felt true despair before you left. All of those times that I gave into bullying and cut myself, I now feel like a total prick.
You don’t feel true despair until your soulmate leaves you. It feels like your heart trying to scrape its way out of your chest and commit suicide, spraying thick black blood all over your memories and emotions.
I've been alone for six months, not contacting the band or my family, staying in my flat and trying to keep the nightmares away. I’ve bought the warmest sheets I could find, purchased the best heating system money could buy, completely insulated my walls… anything that could keep me warm.
None of it’s as warm as your embrace used to be.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me