Inamorta

I'm not sure how it happens, but suddenly my eighteenth birthday has arrived and I'm a legal adult. Days pass, and James stays. I don't know when he'll leave, i just know that he has to eventually. the thought makes me want to be sick.

I think of ways to tell my parents about the baby... but i guess it doesn't matter. they're going to freak out no matter how i say it. James and Callie both tell me the same thing: Just get it over with. and of course they're right, so a couple days after my birthday, a few hours after they've come home for work, i don my tightest fitting shirt, take a deep breath, and cautiously go down the stairs.

They're sitting on the couch together, watching some movie that i can't remember the name of. They look happy, just like they used to. and it almost hurts me to be the one to shatter it all. but i know that if i wait much longer it can only get worse. so i stroll casually right in front of the TV and sit on the other end of the couch. They're eyes follow me curiously, but they don't say anything.

when it becomes clear that they didn't notice my small baby bump, i clear my throat hesitantly, hoping to catch their attention. My mother and father both look at me incredulously, pausing the movie as well. i feel myself start to shake and my palms start to sweat. i really wish that i'd have let James come with me to do this.

"Um, mom, dad?" i begin, rubbing my hands together in a nervous fashion. "yes?" My mom says, looking at me strangely. "what's that matter?" my dad asks me, brow furrowed into a deep crease. i finally decide that it's best to just come out with it.

"i'm pregnant?" i squeak, biting my lip harshly when i see their expressions. My mother's prefect, beautiful face is set into a mask of complete shock, her lips form a perfect red O. my father doesn't look shocked or surprised though, just disappointed. some how that's worse.

"oh no Clover, you didn't." He groans, laying his head in his hands. i look down at my toes, suddenly ashamed as my mother bursts into tears. "your life is ruined!" she wails hopelessly, clinging to my flustered father for support. I'm not quite sure where to look, or what to do. so i just sit there and wait for her to finish crying.

"go up to your room." she sniffs, looking away from me. "your father and i need to talk." i nod my head and walk back up stairs, my face burning with shame. i lay back down on my bed, rubbing my tummy gently. Under my fingers, i feel my baby move. It's just a small flutter of movement really, but it brings a bright smile to my face.

Just think about it for a second, there's a life inside of me, a life that i had a part in making. half me and half James. what a beautiful thing. I pull out my phone and send a quick text to James, telling him that i told my parents.

I can hear them arguing over me downstairs, yelling something about my future. i squeeze my eyes shut tightly, willing their voices to go away. is it so much to ask for some peace and quiet? my phone buzzes with an incoming text.

From: James

how'd it go?

i sigh and type my reply.

From: Clover

not good.

a few minutes later the yelling stops, and i hear cautious foot steps coming up to my door. i sit up, brushing stray hair out of my face. My father comes through the door, looking wary and tired. He sits on the edge of my bed, and i wait expectantly for what he's about to say.

"Clover?" he begins, obviously nervous.

"yes Dad?"

"Your mother and i think that it would be best if you went somewhere else for a while."

a lump grows in my throat. "what is that supposed to mean?" i squeak, looking at him in disbelief. he runs a hand through his dark hair, sighing. "it means that you're going to have to find somewhere else to stay."

oh my god. no.

"you're kicking me out?" i ask, stricken. he nods solemnly, getting up from my bed. the bastard can't even look at me. some part of me wants to cry, to beg him to let me stay. but another, angrier part of me just wants to scream and hit him.

i do neither, i just sit on my bed with my hand resting on my stomach, my mouth slightly agape. "Be gone by tomorrow afternoon." My father doesn't look back as he leaves. It takes a second for it all to sink in. My parents, the people who raised me and showered me with love through out my childhood, are kicking me out. They're going to let me go without a second thought.

is this what they call "tough love"? if so, i want nothing to do with it.

but what do i do now? i could always move in with Callie, her parents love me like their own child. but no... that just doesn't seem right. quickly, i make a call to James. he answers on the first ring, sounding concerned. "are you alright?"

i tell him everything, and to my surprise, he seems sincerely worried.

"come live with me in Jersey." he says suddenly, and even through the phone i can tell that he's nervous. but this is an offer that i never expected him to make. Jersey? that's halfway across the country... so far away from everyone here.. my friends.. my parents... but maybe it's just what i need. to be far, far away from this wasteland. "why, James?"

"because, You're the mother of my unborn baby, and i... well, i don't know. i care about you. i was going to suggest it anyway." he explains, and i crack a smile. "okay." i say, "can you pick me up tonight? you can help me pack if you'd like."

"i'll be there soon."

we say our goodbyes and hang up. immediately after, i call Callie, explaining my situation. She's sad, so indefinitely sad, but it seems as if she understands. "i'm going to miss you." she croaks out, and i know that she's sobbing because i can hear the hysterical sounds floating through the receiver of my phone. "i'll miss you more." i tell her truthfully, wiping a tear from under my eye. "i'll spend all day tomorrow with you." i promise, and she replies with a muffled okay. we exchange 'i love you's' and end the call.

Don't think about it, i tell myself sternly. if i start to think about it i'll back out. that's how it is with me. with a sigh, i rifle through my closet until i find what i'm looking for. My large white duffle bag that Callie and i doodled all over in the third grade. as i look closer, i see that she had written something about me liking a boy named Justin Howell. which was ridiculous, because if i'm remembering right, he picked his nose and then ate the boogers. gr-ross.

i smile and start to fill the bag to the brim with all of my clothes and makeup. i pack another bag with my pillow and plush blanket, throwing in a few scrap books that i made.i put some other things in too, like my straightener and blow dryer, along with my jewelry and some of my favorite books. i grab my purse off the wall and throw my cell phone charger in it , making sure not to forget my wallet and phone. when i'm done packing, i sit on my bed and take a deep breath. this is the last time i'll ever sit on this bed... or at least for a long while. i text James and tell him not to bother coming, that i'm ready to leave.

a few minutes later, he pulls up in my drive, honking. i slowly walk out of my room, trailing my hands across the furniture I've had since i was a kid. i take one long last look at all of my old tings and whisper a goodbye, but not before grabbing my stuffed lady bug and shoving him into my purse. when i go down stairs my dad is waiting for me. My mom is no where in sight, but somehow that's a relief. i'm not good with goodbyes.

wordlessly, my father presses a roll of twenties into my hand before whispering a goodbye. he turns away and leaves me alone, but that's okay because i know he's know good with goodbyes either.

with my bags slung over my shoulder, i walk out of my childhood home and straight into my new life.