‹ Prequel: This.
Status: You don't have to read the prequel to follow what's going on:)

The Jerk Theory

Something Easy

“We’re going to start with something easy tonight.” Harry told me, taking his eyes off the road to look at me. He had called me earlier, telling me that it was my first lesson tonight. We’d been back in London for a few days and Harry wanted to get started with my education as soon as possible. So that’s how I ended up in a car with Harry, who was possibly the worst driver ever.

“Which is?” I asked cautiously, picking some lint off my jeans.

“The one night stand.” He said with a cheeky grin and I almost choked on my spit.

“How is that easy?” I complained.

“Because, it’s a one night stand. You buy a girl a drink, dance with her, then take her home and that’s that.”

“That’s really the easiest thing you could think of?” I asked him. I felt like he was messing with me. I’ve never been good at picking up girls in clubs. It always felt to trashy to me.

“Yep. And it will lay the groundwork for the basic skills you need.” He replied with a stern nod.

“Like?” I questioned.

“Reading body language, eye contact, striking up casual conversation, picking out the right girls, you know, the basics. Successfully picking up a one-night stand as a jerk will prepare you for the real dating game.” He explained to me in an excited voice.

“Really?”

“Really.” He confirmed. I let out a heavy sigh in response. “Don’t worry. It’s not as hard as it sounds. You can’t go in there with an attitude like that. You have to be confident to be in control. A jerk is always in control. If you aren’t, then the girls walk all over you, and we don’t want that, do we?”

“No. I suppose we don’t.” I mused quietly to myself.

“You’re damn right we don’t. Confidence, Liam! Confidence.” We finally pulled up to the club and I felt like I wanted to vomit. I mean, I was really interested in learning about this philosophy, but it sounded so hard. I’ll probably do in there and make a total ass of myself. I didn’t want to look like an idiot anymore.

I stepped out of the car and was met with a couple flashes. I smiled at the cameras and nodded at a few fans that called my name. Harry handed off the keys to a valet and fell into step with me. We got into the club fairly easy, despite the huge crowd of people outside. I followed Harry though the crowd of people and he took a seat at the bar. I copied the action. We both ordered a drink then Harry looked at me with a smile.

“Look around, Liam. What do you see?” He said in a delighted tone. His eyes were flicking in every direction, taking in his surroundings.

“People?” I speculated.

“No, shit.” He said sarcastically. “What kind of girl catches your eye?”

“Um…I don’t know. Normal looking ones?” I said unsurely.

“You don’t have a preference?” He asked incredulously. “I mean, I appreciate all women but there are certain things I like more than others. You have to have some sort of preference.” He demanded.

“No redheads.” I said with a grimace. He gave me a knowing look. I wasn’t ready for anything that reminded me of Marjorie with now.

“How about her?” He asked. I followed his line of vision to a girl with short brown hair. She was petite and had a really charming smile. She was chatting with about four other girls, and they looked really enthralled in what was going on. I shook my head. Harry rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything about it. Our dinks were set in front of us and I took a generous drink of my beer.

“Blonde. Nine o'clock." Harry said casually, taking a swallow if his beer. I turned my head and saw whom he was talking about. She was with a group of girls down the bar a ways from Harry and me. She was cute enough. "Look at her body language. Ankles crossed, shifty eyes, playing with her hair. She's insecure. She doesn't know if anyone notices her. She's the kind of lass that will make eyes at you all night, but never make move. Go over to her, give her a compliment, and she'll be putty in you're hands. Insecure girls love attention." He instructed.

"How does this make me a jerk?" I asked.

"You're conversation isn't going to satisfy her agenda. It's going to satisfy yours. This is not about picking up a pretty lass because you want to make her feel special, but because you can get what you want from her. More than anything, jerk is a mindset. You are going to take, not give.”

"Okay, what do I say?" I asked him nervously. Because, I was really nervous and the thought of talking to that girl made me dizzy.

"What do you want to say?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. He was raising his eye brows at me a lot lately, I thought.

"I don't know." I mumbled, looking into my glass.

"Alright. I'll demonstrate." He decided, scanning the room once more. She smiled at a tiny raven-haired girl across the room. "We made eye contact. She knows I'm interested. But she's a forward kind of girl, so I'm going to turn back to you and seem unaffected by her." He explained. He sent another glance in her direction.

"What happened to the insecure people?" I asked.

"She is insecure. Look at the way she tips her head back when she laughs.” He told me, nodding in her direction. She seemed to find whatever her friend was telling her hilarious. “Her smile is too wide, her skirt is too short. She wants someone to notice her. All girls are insecure in they're own way. The jerk theory feeds off of the insecurity."

"Okay. If she were insecure, why would she approach you? I thought you just said they were the kind that wouldn't make the move." I was confused. He was telling me contradictory information.

"I've narrowed it down to five basic categories of insecurity. The demure types, like the blond." He said, nodding his head in her direction. "The outgoing types, like her." He motioned to the raven-haired girl. "The nice girls. They are the types that overcompensate for they're insecurity with kindness. The bitches, which over compensate with a bad attitude, and the unidentifiable."

"Unidentifiable?" I said dryly. He really made this whole system complicated.

"A theory can always be disproven, Liam. The unidentifiable are part of the exception. Sure, you can group them, but they can't participate in the theory. They are the few that genuinely want a nice guy, or they don’t buy into the game." He said with a disappointed sigh.

"Okay. Are there any unidentifiable here tonight?" I was curious on how he was able to pick up on something like that.

"It's hard to say until you talk to them." He replied with a shrug. "Right on time." Harry said with a grin as he looked over his shoulder to see the raven-haired girl approach.

"Buy me a drink?" She asked with a seductive smile.

"My pleasure." Harry said back. He pointed to the empty chair on the other side of him and motioned for the bar keep. Harry seemed to be resolved on ignoring me while he picked up this girl, so I continued to nurse my beer and tried not to stare.

"What are you doing at the bar all alone?" She asked him, crossing her legs to expose even more leg. If she wasn’t careful she was going to be showing the whole room something very...uh, personal. Harry leaned in closer at this and placed a hand on her knee.

"Waiting to come across a beautiful lass." He told her. His flirting was a little overwhelming and borderline cheesy, but she didn’t seem to mind.

"And?" She prodded expectantly. I thought it was annoying that she was so eager for a compliment.

"I'd say I've had pretty good luck." He said, flashing her the dimples.

"Really?" She flirted back, giving him her seductive smile again. I could tell how much that comment perked her up.

"There's plenty of pretty lasses out tonight." He said, looking away from her and scanning the room. She frowned in response. If it were me, I'd have walked away after being undermined like that.

"I'm Kylee." She said, pulling her shoulders back to that her chest was more prominent.

"Harry." He replied, still sounding uninterested. "What'll you be having Kaylee?" Harry asked her, seeing as how the barkeep finally acknowledged him.

"It's Kylee." She huffed.

"That's what I said." He said with a chuckle. Kylee narrowed her eyes but eventually smiled in return.

"I'll have a Cosmo." She said. Harry repeated it to the barkeep and asked for another beer. Harry's hand was still on her knee and she was looking at him in awe regardless of the fact that he was hardly giving her the time of day.

"So, Harry." She began when she noticed his eyes wandering. He looked back to her and she blushed noticeably. She was about to continue when they're drinks were delivered. "Thanks for this." She said before taking a sip.

"You know, I've never been impressed with girls who drink fruity cocktails." He said, eying the drink. Her face fell slightly. "But you look real sexy with your lips on the glass like that." He told her. Her face turned an impossible shade of red and she giggled, even though he just flat out insulted her.

"Dance with me." She begged, putting her hand top of his that was on her knee. Harry nodded, taking a sip from his glass and making no indication of moving. She pouted.

"Oh you mean now?" He asked, looking surprised.

"Yes, now!" She said, untangling herself from the bar and standing up, waiting for Harry.

"See? It’s easy. Now go try it for yourself and I don't want to see you until tomorrow morning during your walk of shame." Harry said as he stood up. He clapped me on the back and wrapped and arm around Kylee's waist, his hand irreverently touching her ass.

I sighed, all of a sudden feeling alone. I was too nervous to go try it on someone. So I watched Harry dancing with Kylee. She had her hands wrapped around his neck and she was moving her hips dangerously close to his. But Harry was now smiling at another girl across the room, which Kylee noticed. This only caused her to dance with more enthusiasm, trying her hardest to win his attention back.

"Wow." I said out loud. I was lost without Harry as my wingman. The club scene wasn't something I really enjoyed. And now I had to occupy my own time. As I took my last sip of beer, l looked back down the bar at the blond Harry had pointed you earlier. She was looking back and we looked eyes for a few seconds before I looked away.

After a couple minutes I looked over again and found that she was looking at me. I smiled this time, and she smiled back. I guess it couldn’t hurt to talk to her, I reasoned with myself. So before I could talk myself out of it, my legs were carrying me to her. The two other girls she was with smiled at my approach. I started to freak out. They all thought I was approaching them. Maybe I’ll just have a nice talk with all of them?

I thought about what Harry would tell me. I remembered back to the advice he gave me in the car. ”Confidence, Liam.” I glanced at the two other girls before focusing in on the blond. I gave her a warm smile.

“Hi.” She said shyly, looking up at me through thick lashes. She was a lot prettier up close.

“Hey. I’m Liam.” I said, resting an arm on the bar.

“Emily.” She replied.

“It is very nice to meet you, Emily.” I said with another smile. I felt her friends’ eyes on me. It was a little uncomfortable to be trying to have a conversation while they’re watching me. I’m stressed enough as it is. I thought back to what Harry does to get rid of unwanted girls. He raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. I tried my best to copy the look. Much to my surprise, it worked. The girls excused themselves and I was left alone with Emily.

“That sure was something.” She told me as she watched her friends’ retreat. She bit her lip nervously. She seemed delighted that I was giving her all the attention.

“I’m sorry. Was that too forward?” I just wanted you all to myself.” I told her. I knew I was going to screw this up. I was preparing an apology in my head the stopped. She just smiled and her cheeks colored. I had made her blush. That was a good sign right? Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought it would be.
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hi...here's an update. i did change the title....i feel that its more fitting...dont you think? i find that i'm working a lot harder on this story than all of my other ones...i'm really enjoying it. what about you my lovely readers?

feedback on the chapter would be awesome. what do you guys think will happen with emily? will they hook up and make harry proud? will liam come across an "unidentifiable?" comments would really make me happy. i love to hear what my readers think and their predictions. it really helps me stay inspired:)

thanks for all the support and thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!