The Jerk Theory

“Well, this was fun.” Brittany, the waitress from the hotel restaurant said and gave my chest a pat before rolling off me. I closed my eyes and sighed. We were only a few weeks into the tour and I had already lost track of the girls I had brought back to my room. “I have to get back to work.”

“Yeah.” I agreed, making no move to get out of the bed. I felt the weight on the mattress shift as she got off, searching for her clothes. I watched her carefully; she was very pretty, like all of the girls were. She avoided my gaze, as she got dressed quickly.

“You know where to find me if you ever get bored again.” She said with a wink, then retreating from the room with no other comment. I was grateful that I didn’t have to ask her to leave, which always got awkward. I hoped that Brittany knew I had no intention of contacting her again.

After a few minutes I rolled out of bed and slipped back into my underwear, picking up my mobile and hitting my speed dial. I took to pacing back and forth as I waited for the call to be picked up.

“Well hey, stranger! How’s things?” Holly said brightly over the line. I smiled at the sound of her voice. She always sounded so happy to talk to me, even if she wasn’t having a good day.

“Fine, fine. Would you call me a pansy if I told you I missed you?” I said, plopping back down onto my bed. Holly laughed lightly.

“Yes. I would indeed. But it’s okay, because I miss you something awful. How long until I have my best mate back?” She asked me and I counted the months on my fingers.

“Eight months.” I said.

“Jesus. That’s criminal.” She said indignantly.

I haven’t known Holly that long, but over the months of our friendship, we had grown really close. I would tell her things that I couldn’t talk to the guys about, and I loved that. And she didn’t care about my fame, or all the things I had to do. She always wanted to talk about me, and how I was feeling. Sometimes after a long day, that was exactly what I needed.

It was like we had known each other our whole lives. And as much as I hated being so reliant on a female, I needed Holly. She understood me, and she always gave me the best advice. I really missed her a lot, and I hated that we couldn’t hang out like we used to before I left on tour.

In the months before the tour started, Holly and I would spend days at a time, cooped up in her crappy studio apartment, watching old movies and playing video games. She was surprisingly good and usually beat me. And our movie and gaming binges were occasionally interrupted by some of the most honest and satisfying conversations I’d ever had. She made me feel comfortable saying what was on my mind.

“I know. I’m going to have breaks and such. And you could always come out. I know you’ve always wanted to see the world.” I suggested, scratching absentmindedly at my knee.

“Yeah right. First of all, I’m a full time student; second, I’m not your girlfriend. That’s the kind of thing girlfriends do.” She replied. I could hear a faint trace of disgust in her tone, but I decided to brush it off.

“Yeah, but you’re my favorite girl. Does that count for something?” I said, trying to sound as corny as possible.

“Nope.” She said, popping her “p” loudly. I rolled my eyes. “Speaking of girls. Get any action?”

“Er, yeah. Her name was Brittany. She was…good company.” I said. Even though I felt like I could tell Holly anything, it always felt weird to talk about the girls I had hooked up with.

“You are filthy, Liam.” She said with that little giggle she always did. I heard papers rustling and her curse softly. “Did you know that is your second Brittany? If you’re going to be a slut, at least get some diversity.”

“Are you keeping track?” I sputtered, my eyes growing wide.

“Someone has to. You’re list is quite impressive, I must say. I wonder what it’s gonna look like after eight months.” She teased.

“You are ridiculous, Hol.” I told her, shaking my head.

“I’m organized.” She said simply. I smiled softly.

“So how are you?” I said after a short pause.

“Fine.” She said with a heavy sigh. “School is school, work is work, life is life.”

“You go hard.” I said sarcastically.

“Always. You know that guy from the library I’ve been telling you about?” She asked. I frowned instantly. She had told me about him on multiple occasions and I already knew I didn’t like him.

“You mean the one you’ve been stalking?” I said, trying to keep the mood light.

“I haven’t been stalking him. We’ve just been in the same areas coincidentally on multiple occasions.”

“So stalking?” I said, just to bother her.

“No!” She snapped. “Anyway. I finally talked to him today. His name is Phil and he is a literature major, but he minors in poetry. He has the light brown eyes and this gorgeous hair that I just want to touch forever.”

“Phil? Is he 85?” I asked with a scoff.

“I think it’s a great name, very unique. And it suits him.” She said dreamily. “He’s so insightful. Everything he says just has the deeper meaning that just makes you question the world, you know?”

“No.” I said curtly.

“We talked for hours. I was supposed to be studying for midterms, but we got nothing accomplished. He told me about all his favorite writers and books. Oh it was so romantic, even in the library. He’s taking me to a poetry reading tonight! How cool is that?”

“Wow Holly, don’t get too carried away. I mean, guys are bad news sometimes. Especially the artsy ones.” I said, trying to unclench my jaw.

“Seriously, Liam? This awesome thing just happened in my life and you’re telling me to not get carried away?” She sighed, her voice sounding very disappointed.

“I want you to be careful. I just…” I trailed off.

“What?” She prodded impatiently.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt by some jerk that doesn’t care about you.” I finally said. She fell silent for a lot longer than I would have liked. The mood had suddenly gotten very awkward, and I didn’t know what to do.

“Like you?” She said quietly. That ripped through the silence quite efficiently. I paused, my mouth half open. Of course it was true. I haven’t been treating girls the best lately, but Holly never pointed it out.

“Yes, Holly. Like me. I know I’m not the only scumbag out there.” I sighed, rubbing my face with my free hand.

“I’ll be careful, Liam. I’m not as naïve as I look.” She said defiantly.

“I never said that.”

“I know. Look, Liam. You’re my best friend. I know we’ve only know each other for a few months, but I already tell you everything. I don’t want to feel like I need to hide things from you because I’m worried about what you’ll say. Can you please just…just be there for me? No matter what you think of the guys I date?”

“Of course. I didn’t mean it like that.” I told her as sincerely as I could.

“Okay. Thanks. I think Phil just knocked. So…” She trailed off.

“Yeah. Right. Have fun.” I exhaled.

“I will. Goodnight, Liam.”

“’Night, Holly.” I said. Before I could say much else, the line was dead. She didn’t even try to get me to stay on longer like she always did. I was always the one to hang up the phone, now she was doing it. All because Phil came knocking.

This wasn’t jealousy I was feeling. It was my protective nature. She was one of my best friends and I was just looking out for her. I didn’t know this guy, I didn’t know what his intentions her, and that made me uneasy about the whole situation. I just didn’t want her to get hurt. It had nothing to do with the prospect of Holly being in a relationship.

A few seconds after I had tossed my phone onto the bed, a tap sounded at the door. I stoop up and peeked through the peephole, and cringed when I say a wisp of red hair.

“Uh…Hold on.” I said through the door, turning and scrambling for my clothes. I pulled on the first things that I got my hands on, which was thankfully semi-presentable. I pulled open the door to reveal Marjorie standing patiently, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Hi. Do you mind if I come in? I wanted to talk to you.” She explained, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“Um. Sure. Yeah.” I stepped aside and let her enter the room. She walked in slowly, eyeing the mess silently. She brushed aside some stray clothing and took a seat in the only chair in the room. I sat on the bed and waited for her to say something.

“I feel like we haven’t talked since that argument in your kitchen. I wanted to apologize about that. And about…well about everything.”

“Don’t. Please, Marj. If that’s what this is about, lets not.” I said, running my hands through my hair. I really was not in the mood.

“I need to say this Liam.” She said seriously, holding up a hand to silence me. “I’m sorry I lead you on like that. And I’m sorry I kissed you when I didn’t feel the same. I wasn’t thinking straight, and everything with Niall was so complicated, and I just…you were there for me, you know?”

“You’re so sweet and caring. I loved hanging out with you, I really did. There just wasn’t that spark that I got with Niall. Any girl would be so lucky to have you Liam, just not me.” She began.

“Marjorie-“ I cut her off.

“Which is why I want to know what has happened to you? You used to be so open and happy and kind. Now you’re not. You’re mean and closed off and butting heads with Niall. I can’t stand the thought that I had something to do with that.”

“Not everything is about you.” I snapped, giving her my most venomous glare.

“Well then what is it? Please, just tell me. I don’t like this Liam.” She said, looking at me with those green eyes that made my vision all blurry. But this time, they just made me angry.

“You know what Marj? I don’t give a fuck what you think about me. You don’t get to think about me. Because I’m not your boyfriend, you made that painfully clear when you chose Niall. So why don’t you go talk to him. Because I’m sure he’s going to give a much bigger shit than I do.”

“You’re not happy, Liam. I’m just trying to help. I’m still your friend, even if you don’t want to be.” She accused, a frown appearing on her face.

“That’s fantastic.” I said sardonically.

“Are we ever going to get past this?” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest again.

“I got past it a long time ago.” I said, looking away from her. She stood up and started heading for the door.

“I really am sorry, Liam. About everything. You mean a lot to me. I don’t want you to think that I like you any less just because I started dating Niall. I like you both, just in different ways.” She said, turning back to me with her hand hovering above the knob.

“Seriously, Marjorie. It’s been a long day and I’m not in the mood. Fuck off.” I groaned, not looking in her direction.

“Right.” She was the last thing I heard before the door clicked behind her.