Your Forever is All That He Needs

Vics POV~
Walking home in the rain wasn't all that bad. The cold hurt, and hurting was good. I took my jacket feeling the heavy drops on my arm, and I still wasn't satisfied with how much I was shivering. I removed my shirt and shoes too.
Hopefully I'd freeze to death before I made it home.

When I walk I always let my mind wander. Thinking of school work, home problems, people that used to be my friends, places I used to my home, the last time someone beat the crap out of me. A whole lot of random shit.
And Kellin. Of course my mind went to Kellin.
Before today I had noticed him, always sitting in the back corner away from the rest of the world, when I attempted the same thing on the other side of the room, but no, he had found the perfect spot. No one talked to him or bothered him. Maybe I'd change that, for fun. Just take a seat right next to him and watch the frown appear on his face.
But then again I didn't want his gorgeous face to frown. Yes, gorgeous. Ever since the first day of highschool I had noticed that indeed, his face was gorgeous. We had shared at least one class since freshman year every semester.
I don't think he payed any attention so I tried not to make it seem like I did.
I couldn't believe the counselor tried that again. It was the fourth time this year she had noticed I was just some loner 'emo' kid. And maybe I'd get better if someone talked to me.
It never worked that way. Maybe I'd get better if my family would talk to me.
You know, NOT in disgust?
I had come out to my family about being gay in my second year of middle school. They hated me for it, my dad wouldn't take having a gay son. He tried everything he could, but nothing worked. Obviously, I found boys attractive and boys only.
And now that he's accepted it, he doesn't talk to me, doesn't look at me.
I don't exist in his world.
And the rest of my family, well they figured they have to talk to me sometime but they didn't do it very.. willingly.
Was Kellin gay? I'd never seen him with any guys, but I hadn't seen him with any girls for that matter either. He was like me. Always alone.
How the hell was I supposed to find things out about this boy if he gave me nothing to go off of?

-----

I opened my drawer shifting through the clothes until I found what I was looking for. A small white box, once used for makeup or something.
I opened it cautiously, letting the three razors inside slip out onto my hand. All still covered in dry blood. I picked my best sharpest blade and I placed the others back in the box, back in the drawer.
Every time I sat on the edge of my bathtub I'd try to tell myself, 'Your better than this.'
But really I'm not. No one would care if I did. No one would be sad knowing I caused myself this kind of pain.
My parents would probably applaud. Maybe actually tell me to go a little deeper.
So I acted like I was them for a minute. Streaking the razor across my wrist. Going a little deeper every time.