Click, Bang

I leaned back against the wall and slid down until I hit the floor. Jakkob tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and rubbed my shoulder as I struggled to find my voice through the sobs and whimpers that escaped instead.
He scooted closer and held me close. I buried my face into the curtain of his long black hair and cried as I held on to him for dear life while I trembled. I felt so disgusted with myself for suddenly losing it and making this feel like a scene from a Hallmark movie.
Except, if that had been the case, I would have known that everything would be okay in the end, because they always end happily ever after. Well, this wasn’t a Hallmark movie, it was real life and it was going to be a real life ending.
“ Shhh baby, it’ll be okay.’’ Jakkob cooed softly as he gently rocked me back and forth, stroking my hair. “ I love you.’’
I nodded. “ I know. ’’ I mumbled into his neck, “ I love you too.”
I pulled away and we stared into each other’s eyes for a moment.
He reached his hand out to wipe a remaining tear from my face as I sniffled.
“ So are you ready? ” he asked. I nodded ‘yes’.
We held hands as we walked across the room and sat on the bed. He took my gun from the bedside table and the tears began to spill again.
I’ve been suicidal for years now, as everyone could tell from the scars that decorated my arms. But the gun in my hand felt heavy, and the reality of my death fantasies set in. It was almost terrifying…
He squeezed my hand and pressed a long kiss to my lips. “ We don’t have to do this, baby. ” he whispered against my mouth.
I ran my fingers through his hair and returned his kiss. I pulled away far enough to look into his eyes.
We both knew that this was the only way.
We looked down at the gun in silence. He adjusted himself on the bed so that I was in his lap. I laid my head against his chest and he rubbed the small of my back.
Things have been really rough lately…
This past summer, my dad divorced my mom so he could run off with some actress bitch named Rose. To make things worse, I actually had to live with them down in California throughout the school year, which meant I never got to see Jakkob or let alone anyone else I loved, all the way back in Maine.
I hated it here. I was never one to have friends to begin with, but it was worse over here. People didn’t just leave me alone, shooting an occasional acidic stare in my direction, people actually picked on me and beat me up here because I different.
Rose wasn’t exactly as sweet as her name would suggest either, she always had to make her not-so-subtle comments about how people who wear black are ‘emotionally damaged’ and how ‘ugly’ my taste in music was, how a ‘real young lady doesn’t smear that yucky black shit all over her pretty little face’ and on and on every single day, as if I gave two fucks and half a dead Satanic rat’s ass what she thought about me.
She even went into my room one day while I was at school, tore down my horror posters and threw out my makeup, telling me I had to change because I ‘embarrassed’ her and ‘ashamed’ her. I’m not even her fucking kid!
She went through my CD collection and snapped all of my CDs in half, bringing out her ‘proper young lady’ speech again, lecturing me like a fucking twelve year old. My music always saved my life, and to have her do that… she may as well just put a gun to my head. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I snapped. I started screaming at her at the top of my lungs, calling her every four-letter word I knew (every four letter word under the sun really), taking stuff of my shelves and throwing them at her, yelling at her to get the fuck out of my room. She left eventually, but not without tattling on me first.
My dad learned about a twisted version of our little ‘incident’, you know, the version where Rose came in to talk at me and I started throwing my little tantrum. Of course dad would believe any story where Rose came out the innocent one, and he grounded me for three months, keeping me in my room except for when I had to go to school. I don’t know what pissed me off more, Rose or having to live under the same roof as that skinny little snot-nosed whore.
I took my boxcutter out of my dresser, and sat on my bed with it, letting the moonlight glint off my blade. My friend.
I cried more, and set the blade against my arm, slowly dragging it across as the blood began to bead and drip down it’s path. I concentrated on the physical pain to push out all of the emotional pain that I had growing inside me ever since dad met that bitch.
I was so concentrated in fact, that the sound of previously mentioned bitch screaming from right behind me over my shoulder made me jump up, and as I did so she simultaneously tried to grab the boxcutter away from me but it ended up lodged in her chest. She gasped, staring into my eyes one last time as she fell onto the floor, right on top of it.
My dad came running in to see what the fuck was up, and saw her motionless body on the floor, I was still in shock because everything had happened so fast, and because of past events he drew the conclusion that I had killed her on purpose.
I’ll skip the flipping of several shits that ensued, and just tell you that in the end the court found me guilty, and I had no chance of getting out. I was going to be in the jail system for the rest of my life.
Jakkob shook me slightly and my mind snapped back to the present.
“ You ready?” he asked, a tone of nervousness in his voice.
I nodded and took the gun in my hand, setting it against his forehead.
He placed his gun to my forehead.
We weaved the fingers of our free hands together. “ I love you, Crystal.’’ He said.
“ I love you, too.”
We began to count down together.
Three. Two. One.
Click.
Bang.