Truly, Madly, Deeply

Things had been going well with Noah, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I mean, sure, we’d gotten into a few little tiffs, but it was never anything detrimental. At least not until I woke up to his call one morning.

“Hello?”

“McKenna, we need to talk.”

“Um, okay?”

“Can we meet somewhere?”

“Where do you want to meet?” he rattled off the name of a café and I told him I’d be there in about twenty.

I pulled up to the café, parking my car around back and walking to the door. I ordered my drink and as I sat down, a girl came up to me.

“Are you friends with Harry Styles?”

“I am.”

“Is he here?” she said, sounding annoyed.

“Um, no. He’s not.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know? I’m assuming he’s got better things to do…”

“Why do you get to be friends with him?”

“Because I’ve known him for years.”

“That doesn’t give you any right. If I were him, I would’ve dropped you a long time ago, like, you
don’t even seem cool.”

“I mean, thanks. That’s cool. But I guess it’s a good thing it’s Harry’s judgment and not yours, huh?”

“Whatever.” She said and walked away. I made a face at the girl and Noah walked through the door.

“What’s up?” he asked as he sat down.

“Not much, just ordered a drink and dealt with a brat.”

“Cool. I need to talk to you.”

“Shoot.”

“There’s something that I’ve been holding in.” Oh, shit. This isn’t good.

“And that would be?”

“I’m not comfortable.”

“With?”

“Harry. I’m not comfortable with how close the two of you are and how you look at each other, and how often you see each other and talk, and how long you’ve been friends, and how I feel like he’s got something that I don’t have and I don’t trust the two of you.” My eyes went wide halfway through what he was saying and I kind of blanked.

“Wow. That was a lot. Um.” Harry had been acting a bit strange toward me lately, he didn’t act interested at all when Noah was brought up and seemed more and more distant anytime Noah came around.

“I know, but I’ve been feeling this way for a few months.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You two are incredibly close and it bothers me.”

“But if it were another girl, like Perrie, you’d be perfectly fine?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re uncomfortable with the fact that my very best friend of seven years is in fact a guy?”

“Basically.”

“Well, that’s shit.”

“I’m aware, but I don’t know what to do. Like I said, I’ve felt this way for a while and I’ve tried to push it aside because of how much I care about you and how strong my feelings are, but I just can’t.”

“Are you asking me to make a choice? A choice of either you or Harry?”

“Not necessarily.” He said sheepishly.

“But you are. And that’s a shit thing to do. Especially to me, if you feel like you care about me that much or whatever. You can’t just ask me to drop my best friend, Noah, you can’t.” I said, standing up and walking out of the café. He followed me to my car, yelling after me. He finally caught up once I was in the driver’s seat with the door open.

“I’m not asking you to make an ultimatum, I just want you to see where I’m coming from with all of this.”

“Look, Noah. You clearly aren’t comfortable with Harry and me, even though I’ve given you no reason to not be. You say you’re not asking me to make an ultimatum or a choice, but I know you are. I know that’s what you’re getting at but you don’t want to be an asshole and actually have to say it. I get it.” I stood up. “I’ve really loved being with you these seven months, but if you can’t get over my friendship with Harry, how incredibly close we are, and him being a guy, then I honestly don’t see how this could work.”

“I don’t want to break up, McKenna.” He said, eyes tearing up, matching mine.

“I know, but you can’t ask me to drop him, Noah. It’s just not fair and you know that, one hundred percent, which is why you’ve waited so long to bring it up.” I pulled him into a hug, soaking my tears with his shirt and he wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed the top of my head. I pulled away and looked at him. “I love you.” I said, my eyes becoming pools once again.

“I love you too.” He reached for my chin, lifting my mouth to his own, and connected our lips for the last time. The kiss was long and passionate but I noticed it was lacking something that it may have lacked all along; trust, his trust. I sat in my car and cried for a moment before calling the only person that I wanted to.

“Hello, love.” His voice rang on the other end.

“Harry?” I asked as my voice cracked and I sniffled.

“Mickey, what’s wrong?”

“Where are you?”

“At the studio. McKenna, talk to me, what’s going on?’”

“Can I come by?”

“Absolutely. How far are you?” he sounded rushed.

“About twenty minutes away.” I said, starting the car.

“Okay. Hurry but be careful, I’ll wait for you outside.”

I drove to the studio to my best friend, wishing desperately that my eyes had windshield wipers because it was so hard to see through the tears. My nose was running uncontrollably and I know I looked an absolute mess by the time I pulled up to the studio. I had no idea why this was having such an effect on me; yes, I did care deeply for Noah and I got attached easily, so that may explain it. Not to mention the fact that I’m such an emotional person that it’s ridiculous and downright unbearable. As I put the car in park, Harry ran towards me. He opened the car door as I took my seatbelt off and tried to stand. He wrapped me in his arms tightly and cooed in my ear that everything would be okay as I wet his shirt with my tears. We stood like that for a few moments before he suggested that we go inside because of the chilly temperature. We walked into the lobby of the studio before Harry said,

“Now, you tell me what’s happened right now.”

“It’s Noah. We, uh, we broke up.” I said as I started to calm down.

“What? Why?”

“He um, wasn’t comfortable.”

“With what?”

“You and our friendship.”

“Seriously?”

“That’s what it seems.”

“See, McKenna, I told you he was a wanker, from the beginning, seven months ago.”

“Harry, not right now.”

“I’m serious. If he can’t get over me or whatever his problem is, he’s missing out. You’re a fantastic girl, McKenna and he’s just lost you because of his insecurities.”

“He wanted me to make an ultimatum.”

“What kind of fucking ultimatum?”

“He wanted me to choose between you or him.”

“Why the fuck would he ever put you in that type of situation? That’s such a shit thing to do to anyone, it’s not right.” I chuckled.

“That’s exactly what I said.”

“And you chose me?”

“Discreetly, I did. I couldn’t not choose you though; you’re my best friend, Harry. Losing you would mean losing such a huge chunk of myself and that would kill me. Yes, I love Noah, but I love you so much more. I honestly don’t think I could ever choose anyone over you, like ever.” I said and a smile was brought to his face as he peered up at me.

“Well, I’m glad you feel that way. I think if you would’ve dropped me, the label would’ve started to get a lot of sappy songs about losing someone special. If you were to have dropped me, it’d be the equivalent of someone that I care about so deeply dying. And I don’t like the sound of that.” I chuckled again. He moved closer to me and knelt down, taking my hands in his. “McKenna, you’re a dream and anyone with the chance of having you, hell, even having the opportunity to know you is so lucky. Noah might not be the one for you because he can’t get over your best friend; I know you can find someone else that can.” He kissed my hand and drew me in for a hug.

“Thank you.” I said, my eyes tearing up again.

“You’re so very welcome, love.” He smiled. “Anything for you. Now, c’mon, I’m sure the guys would love to see you.”

“But I’m a mess.”

“Oh yeah, because they care.”

“What are you guys recording, anyway?” I asked as we made our way back to the booth.

“We’re doing some acoustic tracks to let out.”

“Oh, gotcha.” Harry opened the doors and the guys were sitting in the big booth, lounging on couches.

“McKenna!” they all shouted in unison with open arms.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that breakup was exactly what I needed; it was exactly what would help me find what I need and truly want.