Hidden Habit

It was a sadness Harry never understood, he never knew why it followed him around, or why it was him carrying around the burden. He just knew that he was. Harry wasn't depressed, not really. He just knew things, like the way certain things worked in the world, how unfair things could be, how people looked at him and judged him, along with everyone else. He knew that life wasn't a fairytale with happy endings and princes gallivanting around saving women in distress. And maybe that was okay, to see things for what they were and not build the world up and have an unrealistic perspective… but for Harry it broke him down, it quieted him, distanced him, tucked him in a corner away from everyone else and everyone knew it too.

Although Harry carried around this sadness he wasn't alone, he had someone who understood the way he thought, at least a little bit. He had almost everything in common with this person, including appearance, the curls, the light green eyes, nose, lips, everything the same. He and his twin brother Edward were identical in almost every sense of the word. The few things that differentiated them from one another weren't physical, they were tucked inside of them and almost everyone knew that too.
Where Harry was quiet and stuck in his books, Edward was loud and flirtatious and played sports. Edward was nearly Harry's complete opposite. Edward was cool, easy-going, talented and athletic. He was captain of the footy team that Harry played on at one time for about three days when he was around fourteen and wanted to stop being so 'weird' as he'd heard some kids from school calling him in the hallway.
But that was Harry, he was 'weird' because he didn't draw attention to himself, although it happened more often than he'd like, seeing as he had a brother who looked exactly liked him and happened to be friends with basically everyone. Harry hated being the center of attention, hated the way people looked at him, like they were inspecting him, finding any flaw he had, ripping him apart. He would rather hole up in his bedroom and keep himself to himself and never be scrutinized by his brothers friends again… however that wasn't really a possibility.

So Harry goes almost everywhere with his brother, following him around like a lost puppy, because he kind of is, he doesn't really know what to do with himself when he's go so many options, when he can go to the park or the Nandos down the road, and so he just lets Edward take him around, show him where to go next and he doesn't complain.
Edward knows how Harry shuts down around anyone who isn't him, and he hates it. He hates seeing his brother flip like a light switch once they leave their home or come around other people. He hates it because he knows who Harry is when it's just them, he knows that Harry is just as cheeky and flirty as he is, and he knows how charming and funny he can be. But Edward also knows that Harry isn't the same boy he was when he was young and hyper and getting into trouble, he doesn't know when he changed or what caused it, but it happened and Harry kind of closed up, quieted down. Harry told him about his sadness and how he doesn't know why he's sad or what makes him quiet around anyone who is not him. And Harry told Edward all about the sad things his mind says, how he doesn't feel like he's got enough talent, how he's not going to be a great singer or writer or be a great anything. He's just Harry and Harry isn't going to be a great, he's just going to stay Harry forever. And of course Edward was there through it all, watching as Harry sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and pressed at the corners of his eyes, fighting tears, because this really makes Harry upset, carrying it all around and not know why, and Edward wipes the tears away and tells Harry how important he is and how much he's loved and that he's got all the talent in the world, he's just got to figure out what kind of great he wants to be. And Edward makes Harry promise that whenever he's sad, whenever he needs him, if the sadness gets too heavy, that he's there, that Harry is to find him, call him, text him, leave him a million voicemails if that's what it takes. So Harry makes the promise and holds it close to his heart from then on, calling and texting and finding Edward more times than either boy would ever want to admit, because Harry gets sadder than Edward ever thought, he gets more emotional than he's ever seen him, but he stays with him, wipes the tears and reassures him that he's amazing and loved and important and once Harry's tears are dried and he's holding onto the promise that maybe he can be great one day, Edward drags him to bed and they sleep in the same bed, cuddled up next to each other, falling asleep with limbs tangled together like they used to when they shared a room and a bed, and everything else. And neither of them think much of it, they just know that it's the way things are that Harry needs it, that Edward will always be there to calm his worries and rid the sadness for the night. It's the way things are.

It's been the the way things are since he was born, but things changed, and saying 'changed' is a massive understatement. At sixteen Harry's life was basically flipped upside down and inside out, twisted and contorted into something he barely recognized as his own life.