Alone and Far From Home, I'll Find You

(Alex Gaskarth)
"You know," Natalie said walking over to her little red, Volkswagen car, "This really isn't funny." She leaned on the driver's side of the car and looked at me with an accusatory look.

Natalie looked so beautiful. Even more beautiful than I remember, but somehow, still exactly the same. Her hair is darker. It doesn’t look like she dyed it though, but more like she hasn’t been in the sun a lot; probably because of the Chicago weather. The last time I spoke to her, she was living in Texas. She always talked about how she hated it there because it was so hot… and because she missed me. That was only three years ago. How can you go from being best friends—and maybe even more – with someone to completely forgetting they existed?

“Well, that’s good because I’m not joking.” I stood there waiting for her to say something back.

“Baltimore?” Natalie asked half to me and half to herself. I nodded. “And you say you knew my mom?”

“I knew your sister too.” I shrugged. She looked confused and ran her fingers through her hair.

“So, if we went to see my mom, she would remember you?”

“Yes!” I said laughing at how insane all of this was. “She would definitely remember me. She loved me!”

She pressed a button on her keys and the car’s lights flashed, “Get in.”

I thought for a moment that I should go back to the bus and tell the guys what happened, who I ran into, and where I was going, but I didn’t. I opened the passenger side door and slid into the seat. Natalie started the car and took her phone out of her jacket pocket with stiff fingers. After pressing a few buttons, she put the phone to her ear.

“Mom?” she paused. “I’m gonna stop by the house tonight. I have to ask you something, okay?” Another pause as she put her seatbelt on, “Alright, I’ll be there in about five minutes. I will. I love you too. Bye.” She pulled into the street. “So, Alex Gaskarth,” Natalie looked at me when we reached a stop sign. “I know you from… Baltimore?”

I nodded as she pulled off again, “We met when we were eight and we ended up being best friends until you moved when we we’re seventeen.”

“Ignoring the fact that I’ve never lived in, or been to, Baltimore, why don’t I know you then? If we were such good friends, why didn’t you ever call me?”

I thought about it for kind of a long time, “We got in a fight one day.” She turned to look at me.

“What did we fight about?” Her face was scrunched up like she was thinking really hard.

“Well, after you moved, you always said you’d come back to Baltimore when you graduated and that you’d go on tour with the band, but you decided to move out here instead. We didn’t talk for like a week and when I finally called back, your number was disconnected.” I stared out the window as I remembered some of the horrible things we said to each other.

Natalie shook her head and gripped the steering wheel tighter, “I don’t remember any of that.”

“Well I’m kind of happy you don’t remember that part.”

Natalie pulled up to an old, red brick town house and turned off the car. She looked at me for a second before stepping out into the lightly-falling snow. When we got to the front door she knocked, but didn’t wait for an answer, simply walking inside. I followed her down the hall and through an entrance to the left and there she was. Jane was cleaning dishes and her back was facing us so we didn’t get an immediate hello. Jane looked a little older with lighter hair, but she was still short and humble looking. I almost wanted to go up and hug her. Surely she’d remember me, unlike her daughter.

“Mom,” Natalie said, getting her mom’s attention.

Jane turned around and as soon as she saw me she looked completely shocked. She remembers me. Jane opened her mouth to talk, but Natalie cut her off.

“Mom, who is this?”

Her mom looked at me with her mouth half open for a while and then closed it, “Honey, I don’t know.” Natalie crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow at me.

What? “Jane, it’s me. Alex.”

“I’m sorry, where do I know you from?”

Okay, if this is “Punk’d”, Ashton Kutcher has officially pulled off the greatest prank of all time. “Mrs. Holt, You’ve known me since I was eight!”

“Well I’m either getting old or going crazy, but I’m sorry, dear, I’m afraid I don’t know you.” She has got to be kidding me. There was a time in my life when I spent more time at the Holt’s house than my own. How is this happening to me?

“It’s settled then.” Natalie walked over to Jane, kissed her on the cheek, and gave her a hug. “I love you, mom. Sorry I have to leave, but I should probably return Mr. Gaskarth so he can get himself a nice cup of coffee.” She started to walk toward the door, but her mother stopped her.

“Natalie, dear, before you leave, would you mind going upstairs and talking to your sister for me?”

Rebecca.

“Is she here?”

“Yes, she’s been having trouble with her boyfriend. Rebecca’s very upset about it and she’ll probably like talking to you more than she does me.”

“Well, let me get Alex back to wherever he needs to go and then I’ll come back and talk to her.” Natalie started walking to the exit again.

“Natalie, it’ll only be a few minutes and besides, gas prices are too high for traveling back and forth when it’s not necessary. Your friend will be fine down here with me. Do you have anywhere you need to be dear?” She asked me as if she knew the answer.

“No,” I took off my hat and took a step into the kitchen.

Natalie looked from her mother to me, “Fine, then.” She walked to the stairs that were to the right of the front door. Jane followed her and watched only returning to the kitchen when Natalie went inside Rebecca’s room.

I felt weird. Normally, I would be completely comfortable with Natalie and her family, but for some reason, they don’t even remember me. Jane gave me a strange, sympathetic look when she got back, “Please, have a seat.” I did. “Alex,” She was speaking in a really low voice now. “Honey, of course I remember you.”

My heart stopped, “What? You do?” I almost stood up from my chair. This is getting a little too “Twilight Zone” for me. “Why did you lie to Natalie then? Does she remember me to and you guys are just messing with me?”

“No, it’s not like that at all,” Jane said putting her hand over mine with a distressed look. “I don’t even know how to tell you, but I know I have to.” She looked close to tears. “Alex, a few years ago Natalie was in an accident. It was when we still lived in Texas. She was walking home one day and a drunk driver hopped the curb and she was knocked unconscious.” Mrs. Holt was really starting to cry now. I didn’t know what to do because I was in shock, but I settled with holding her hand. “She didn’t wake up for three days and I was scared to death for those three days. When Natalie was finally conscious again, she couldn’t remember anything and what was even weirder was that originally the doctors thought she had short term memory loss. She would learn things and begin to remember, but after a few hours, she’d forget again. The doctor sent us home saying it was most likely temporary and that if she didn’t get better in a week that we should bring her back.

“Well the doctor was right. Two days after she got home her friend came to visit her consecutively for a while and Natalie could remember full conversations that they had. Her sister and I were delighted, but we soon realized that she couldn’t remember any of her life before Texas and she also couldn’t remember the accident itself. I spoke to many doctors about it and they said that the best way to help her remember would be to take her back to Baltimore or surround her with things that reminded her of her childhood. At first, I had every intention of doing that, but then I realized that reminding her of those times would mean bringing back the memory of her father’s death,” Jane paused.
I remember that day so clearly. Natalie burst into tears at the news and she, basically, ran away. Her whole family and all of her friends including Jack, Rian, Zack, and myself ran around the city looking for her and praying that she didn’t do anything stupid.

“She, of course, knows that he’s gone, but she doesn’t know how it happened. Alex, you have to understand that my decision had nothing to do with you. I love you and you know that, but I was thinking of how Natalie felt every day after her father’s passing and I didn’t want her to go back to feeling that way.” Jane stopped and I realized I wasn’t breathing.

I took a deep breath, “So, what now? Do I have to stay away from her or something?”

She looked at me for a long time then finally answered, “No.” Jane let go of my hand and stood from her seat. “If you want hang out with her, then I won't stop you. I would appreciate you not telling her what happened though.”

“What if she starts to remember from being around me?” I was kind of scared that asking might change her mind, but I wanted to know.

“Well, when that day comes, I’ll sit her down and talk to her about it. It’ll be hard, but in my heart I always knew I’d have to tell her one day.”

A slight amount of happiness washed over my feeling of sadness and confusion because now I knew what was wrong and I just had to start all over again like Natalie and I had never met which, now that I think about it, is going to be pretty hard. She probably thinks I’m a total weirdo at this point, but I’ll have the ride back to the bus until the time that she drives off to change her mind.