Status: Whenever I can.

Kissing in Cars

Have Faith In Me

It felt like Doom's day. I had been going to therapy for 2 months, twice a week, and it was time for a two month check up. The idea of the two month check up was to evaluate how I had improved since I began going to therapy, but this time we were also going to decide if I was stable enough for a relationship.

Vic had stuck by his plan that we wouldn't date until Soupy gave his consent(Thankfully Soupy was a supporter of Gay rights and was more than happy to help) and we hadn't officially dated. We had done a few date-like things, but no real dates. We hadn't kissed either, nor anything intimate besides hug. At first I thought us having a almost relationship like that was ridiculous, but I was willing to play by Vic's rules if it meant eventually we would have a relationship. Fortunately and unfortunately for me, tomorrow was the big decider day. Well, unless it was decided I wasn't ready, then we'd just wait another month or two and try again. Nonetheless, I was nervous about today. I wanted so badly for our relationship to happen, but I so badly didn't want to be told I wasn't ready. There was no use whining about it though i suppose. So with that thought, I headed out of my bedroom to the living room to grab the car keys. Mom had stopped insisting on driving me about 4 sessions ago and I was undeniably thankful.

"I'm leaving, I'll see you later tonight!" I called out to her, slipping into my The Used hoodie and Vans.

"Wait! Hold on a sec," My mom ordered, rushing out of her little home office and shooing my little brother out-of-the-way gently, "Are you sure you want to go alone? I can take you, if you want. I'll drive you over, take the boys out for i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m, then come back for you. In case you don't like the verdict, you can talk to me immediately!" My mom offered, ignoring my little brother who already started screaming about wanting ice cream despite my mom's best efforts to hide that fact. I mentally cringed, the loud noise and sudden nerves getting in my head a little too well.

"I don't know mom, I mean if I do get good news I wanna go out with Vic right after and if I don't I'll probably wanna be alone for a little while," I answered hesitantly. She frowned slightly but nodded.

"It's-It's fine, I understand. But call me?As soon as your done call me, alright?"

"Will do, and I'll bring ice cream back for the boys when I come home," I consoled her, her face already turning to one of stress as she turned to face my wailing brothers. She shot me a grateful smile and said goodbye as well. I made my way outside and shut the door, thankful for the silence. My head was pounding, as was my heart, and I was half tempted to go back inside and claim to be sick. But, it would only prove me not ready yet and I can't let that happen.

I started up my car and pulled out of the drive way, trying not to focus on the lack of oxygen in my lungs. It felt like someone had ripped them out of my chest and I couldn't breath even if I wanted. The urge to dissolve into myself was over-whelming and I think I may have almost hit another car in the process of mentally solidifying. I couldn't help but find the anxiety annoying and useless, but it wouldn't stop. By the time I arrived at the psychic center, I was about to pass out and/or throw up. I crawled out of my car and stumbled into the welcoming office, waving to Lydia the receptionist as I went straight to the bathroom. I wet a napkin with cold water and dabbed my face, cooling down from the overwhelming blush. After a minute or two, I started doing the breathing excercise Soupy suggested to me, and soon enough the uncomfortable feelings started to fade and I began to feel better. I held the napkin to my face a little longer before deciding I felt well enough to throw it away. I made my way out into the waiting room again and went over to sign in.

"Feeling alright, Kellin? Would you like some water?" Asked Lydia, smiling at me. Her voice was nice, soothing, but not annoyingly so. She wasn't really who you'd expect as a receptionist. She had long brown hair which she kept in curls with a large pin-up style curl on top. She had a tattoo of a dragon curling around upper arm, which was bare. She had a button up tank top on that was dark blue with little cherries all over it, the same color as her lips. She looked like the kind of girl you'd find on the cover of the tattoo magazines, not some mental center check in girl. Then again, literally everything about this place was crazy.

"Kellin?" She asked again, staring at me slightly more intense.

"Oh, yeah a drink would be good," I answered, smiling nervously. She laughed slightly and leaned back, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.

"Here ya go," She said, handing me the bottle," Also, don't worry about signing in, I did it for you already. Just head on back, Dan, I mean Soupy, and Vic are back there already. And would you mind stopping by when you're done? I wanted to talk to you and Vic about a couple of things," Lydia told me, getting excited as she finished. I had no idea what she wanted to talk to us about, but I trusted her enough to know it wouldn't be bad. Probably.

"Sure, thanks Lydia. See you in a bit!" I waved goodbye and headed off towards Soupy's room. I still thought calling him Soupy was sort of odd, but he seemed content with it. And plus, it sounded less dd than Mr. Campbell somehow.

I forgot about the oddness of his name as soon as I walked in and saw my boyfriend like person chatting with my therapist. I knew that they had talked recently, but i hadn't realised they had been friendly chatting. But here was the proof, the two of them just chilling out and laughing with each other. Soupy waved when I came into the light of the window and Vic turned around and grinned, reliving some the stress I hadn't realized returned. I sat down beside him and smiled as I leaned against him. Soupy a greeted me and made small talk for a bit before sighing.

"Alrighty Kellin, time to get started with the evaluation," Soupy announced. I nodded resentfully and adjusted myself to sit upright in my chair.

"So, first is first. Tell me about that night. As much as you can," Soupy requested, skipping right to the hardest part. I closed my eyes and focused, letting the images I had retained fill my mind.

"I had dated Matty for a month or two at this point. Our relationship was going well, I thought, despite the fact that he had hit me. We were at a party with loud music and lots of people. Matty was grinding against me even though I asked him not to and he made me dance for longer than I wanted. I...I think I start to feel faint so I asked Matty to go to sleep. Matty smiled, he smiled the happiest smile I ever saw him wear.He lead me back to a bedroom and told me to wait on the bed, that he was getting me a drink. Or maybe we kissed first. I forget. I waited and he brought me back a drink. I drank all of it, or maybe half and, and..I" I cut off, my throat closing at the memories, at my stupidity. I felt physically ill and the picture of Matty's smile was stuck in my head. I leaned against Vic and let him rub my shoulder, trying to fight off the feeling.

"Is that everything, Kellin?" Soupy asked, disappointment tingeing is voice. I shook my head no against Vic and he answered for me. I kept my head against Vic, breathing in the smell of his Old Spice Fiji deodorant and Monster. I wanted to stay like that until the memories all went away and I felt okay again, but I knew I couldn't. I removed myself from Vic and opened my eyes, staring dead ahead at Soupy.

"I started to feel oddly fatigued. I thought I was about to pass out right there and everything happened so slow. I realized something wasn't right, but I wasn't sure what. I remember excusing myself to the bathroom and...and I think Matty followed me. I think, I think I had heard footsteps following me and I think it was Matty or his friend. But i went into the bathroom and collapsed on the floor. I didn't know what to do, but my vision was starting to go. I called Vic, I knew he'd care even if we hadn't talked for a while. I told him, I think I told him Matty drugged me and after her told me he was coming and hung up, my vision was almost all black. I was terrified and some part of me hoped Matty didn't do it. I know he did though, when I think of his smile... But I hoped he didn't and I was scared and I was scared if he did and 'i didn't go back what he would do. I tried to get back to him before I passed out, but I don't know if I did. All I know is i got so so cold and then I felt like i was on fire. It was horrible," I finished off in a whisper, staring at the ground. Vic sniffled beside me and I got up, walking to the back corner for the tissues.

"If I throw up, will that negatively affect my evaluation?" I called out to Soupy.

"Yes, but if you need to don't hold back," He answered. I stared at the trash can and gagged, but didn't let anything out.

"I'm not going to, I'm not going to let him fuck this up again," I whispered to myself, pushing down another gag. I grabbed the tissues and walked back to Vic, setting them in his lap. I refused to let myself cry and honestly, I don't think I would've even if I wanted to.

"That was, that was good. Like, I mean, not good because it hurt you, but it positively affected your evaluation. You seem to be doing a lot better," Soupy smiled sheepishly and tossed me a little peppermint Patty, something he began doing after he learned it was my favorite. It was an encourager, an award for not letting the negatives rule me. At least, that's how he explained it.

"Next is going to be a little awkward, but due to what you've had difficulty with, important. In the room across the hall, Mr. Taahi's room, Mr. Taahi is waiting. I want you to go in, shut the door, and sit down at his desk. And Kellin, don't worry about time, okay? We had all day, I cancelled all my other appointments." I nodded gratefully towards him and stood up, jogging towards the door and out, stopping in front of the room labeled with Mr. Whakakio Taahi on a brass plate. Inside sat a man who couldn't be more than 24. He was tan with short hair and a mustache and was reclining in his chair, feet propped up on a little table and computer in his lap. He glanced up when I stopped in the doorway and smiled.

'Hi Kellin," He greeted me, then returned his attention to my computer. I heard Soupy's shoes tapping the floor as he headed towards his doorway to see me. I reminded myself the sooner I got this over, the sooner I'd be done. I reached out and took ahold of the door knob, pulling it to rest against my hip. I stared at the man at the desk and the photos around him. There were pictures of him and a blonde girl, another with him and two shaggy haired blonde guys, another with him and a shaggy haired brunette dude. He also had a photo of him and a girl on a beach, hand around eachother's hips and eyes connected. I bit my lip, imagining having photos of me and Vic like that hanging on our walls someday and squeezed my eyes shut, keeping the image in my head as I pulled the door the rest of the way. immediately my breathing hitched and my eyes flew open, meeting Mr. Taahi's. He looked concerned, but a smile still sat on his face. Not a cruel one, like Matty's, but a small smile like the ones Soupy got when I achieved a goal. He beckoned me over, motioning to a chair, and assured me I could do it.

"There isn't anyway you could possibly tell Soupy I sat down even though I didn't, is there?" I asked, my voice catching in my thought repeatedly.

"Nope, sorry. Good try though," Mr. Taahi laughed, a strong australian accent slipping into his voice. I delved into my brain, trying to imagine Vic, here, leading me to the chair. I imagined him telling me how proud he was, that I was awesome, and I imagined him finally kissing me. That's what I wanted, a kiss, a relationship. But I wouldn't get it if I didn't do this. Of course, I knew Vic shouldn't be my only encouragement to do this, so I reminded myself to also think of what this meant for me. It would mean I hadn't let Matty ruin me. I was stronger than him, and I could have a life still. I wanted to be able to be alone with people without having a panic attack, and I knew i could. I used to. I took a deep breath, determined to succeed, and walked a step forward. then another, then another. I continued until I was sat in the chair, smiling at Mr. Taahi with little tears in my eyes.

"Dude, you did it!" He congratulated me, slowly getting out of his chair and walking to the door. He opened it up and pulled Soupy inside, proudly exclaiming that I did it. Soupy nodded proudly and assured me he knew I could do it from the start. I got up and caught the candy again, following Soupy back to his room and giving Mr. Taahi a high-five.

"I'm so proud of you Kellin, I can't even put into words how proud I am. I knew you could do it, I knew you were getting better," Soupy announced, a smile taking over his face. Vic wrapped his arm around me, smiling into my shoulder and telling me how proud he was too.

"Now, this is the last hard thing, the rest are easy," Soupy assured me," I need a hug. It seems weird, but I know you said you can only find yourself being intimate with Vic and your family, where before you would share the bed with any of your friends and were a big hugger. I want to see if that's improved at all." Soupy stood up and came halfway around his desk. I nodded anxiously, telling myself that if I could sit in a room alone with a total stranger, I could hug Soupy. And I did, with only a little mental preparation. I hugged Soupy and something inside clicked, came on. I remembered how I felt before the incident, how much I liked hugs, and I actually laughed. Soupy pulled away, laughing as well, only for a different reason. I was laughing because for so long, I thought I had lost myself, my entire self, to Matty, but it was still there, just hidden away inside me, and I seemed to have unlocked it.

The rest of the evaluation really was easy, and I can honestly say that by the end, I felt amazing. So when Soupy told me it was time to come down on verdict, I had no concerns at all, except for the look of uncertainty on Soupy's face.

"So Kellin, today started a little rough. I wasn't sure how well you'd do, in fact I wasn't even sure how far you'd make it. I had high hopes, but hopes don't mean much. So Kellin, on that note, I'm over-joyed to say you surpassed what I was hoping for with flying colors. You killed it and I am so so proud of you! You were amazing Kellin, you were so strong and you're getting so much better!" Soupy announced happily, his face lit up with a grin. He got up from his seat and came around the desk to give me a hug which I was all to eager to receive. We were both a little teary eyed and beside me I could hear Vic sniffling, the giant baby he is. Soupy told me a little more about the progress I made and would hopefully be able to make before getting to what I wanted to talk about most.

"So I'm guessing that you're mostly excited to hear about what I think you and Vic should do, am I right?"

"Kind of, yeah," I admitted laughing.

"Well, I'm happy to say that I think you're mentally well enough for a relationship. There's still going to be a lot of difficulties I'm sure, but you and Vic are both amazing kids and I know you can both handle it. You'll still be attending two sessions a week, only I'd like Vic to come to one session each week. But nonetheless, you guys are all good to go," Soupy said, laughing as Vic and I started screaming and I jumped into his arms, letting him hug me as tight as possible.

"Thank you, thank you so much Soupy! Thank you!"

"Of course, now get out of here before I have to start chiding you about PDA and go call your mom. See you next week guys," Soupy laughed, sending us out of the room. We said our goodbyes and ran out to Lydia.

"Lydia! Lydia oh my gosh guess what?! Soupy said we can date! Vic and I are going to be dating soon!" I squealed, gripping Vic's hand and pulling him with me toward the receptionist, who started squealing with me and got up from where she was seated and wobbled over to me in her heels, ignoring the annoyed client who was trying to get help.

"Oh my gosh Kellin, Vic! I'm so happy for you two, oh my gracious congratulations!" She pulled us into a hug and bounced up and down. "Oh Kellin, I knew you could do it! Guys, I'm so happy for you two! And this is perfect! Vic, you can be Kellin's plus one to my wedding!"

"Your wedding?" I asked, already imagining what it could look like, how we'd dress, how she would, how cool it would be just to be somewhere like that with my boyfriend.

"Yes! That's why I wanted to talk to you after! I was hoping he'd approve of you to date so you two can come as a couple to my wedding! I've got the invites at my desk now actually, just a second," Lydia wobbled over to her desk again, grabbing two envelopes from her desk and bringing them to us, while assuring the client she'd be right with her.

"Here! These are the invites, it has the dates and stuff. I'd tell you more but I fear this chick might kill me in a second. Text me when you know if you can go, or let me know. I love you guys! See you later!" Lydia said, hugging us goodbye. The excitement in my chest was building up and I hurried Vic outside so I could truly squeal without disrupting or scaring anyone.

"Holy shit!" I screamed once I got outside. I squeezed my eyes shut and jumped around, holding Vic's hands while he laughed at me. After I'd tired myself out, Vic pulled me into a hug and smiled down at me, a giggle bubbling out of him.

"So, we've got a date to go on, correct?"
♠ ♠ ♠
Wow alrighty so wow 2 months...Wow. I can explain. Short version is; stress, writers block, and depression.
Long version; alright so I had intentions to updated on/after Christmas. Sadly, I've had horrible writers block for a long time and wasn't able to get much out. Then once school came into session again, stress from finals started to weigh down. Then, I ended up falling down in depression way worse than usual. I was boarderline suicidal and couldn't really function. I let myself forget about the story, as I needed to recover, but I'm feeling better now. Going to the doctors next week so hopefully I can get help so as to avoid this. I know that like you guys probably don't feel like hearing a story, but I feel like you all deserved a reason for why I left you guys for so bloody long. I promise, I'm going to stop doing this shit. I swear.
On a related note, they're together now! The story is coming to a close:( but it's for the best, and I'm sure you're all subconsciously alright with it haha. I'll be picking back up with my other Kellic once this is over:) Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I swear there will be an update again within 2 weeks:) I love you all and I hope you love this chapter:)
Comments? Please? haha:)
XOXO
Meg