Don't Waste Your Time on Me.

Alex

Have you ever been in a dense fog, when it seemed as if a tangible white darkness shut you in, tense and anxious and you waited with a beating heart for something to happen? You waited for someone to take you by the hand and lead you to where the light is, waited for someone to engulf you in the overwhelming sense of warmth and love and peace, for someone to tell you that it's okay to stay? I felt okay, as though this was where I was meant to be, as if I had arrived home, and I was at ease with myself for the first time in a long time. I was drifting in and out of consciousness, desperately trying to open my eyes, to not let the blinding light get the best of me like I wanted to. I couldn't give up now, I had Jack to come home to, I needed to pull through for Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. Jack. I was going to make it. I could feel myself drifting back into consciousness, this time actually not drifting out again which I immediately regretted. The pain I was in was immense, making me wish to crawl back to the comforting light I had experienced only mere minutes ago. I surely had at least one broken rip and around ten bruises if not more and it felt like my left leg had been put in a cast, beautiful. I opened my eyes, instantly squeezing them shut because of the bright light blinding me, but quickly re-opening them again, slowly adjusting to the light.

I groaned as I caught sight of or rather felt what exactly I looked like. I was right about the leg thing, but that wasn't the only thing that was wrapped up, oh no. I had an abdominal bandage, an ear bandage, a fucking chin bandage and as if that wasn't enough they had bandaged my forehead, my hips and both my nipples. They had bandaged both. my. nipples. What the fuck?

"Jack is going to fucking murder me." I muttered as I traced my fingers lightly over the multiple bandeges that were gracing my skin only to be interrupted by the most beautiful sound I've ever had the pleasure to hear: Jack's chuckle. I turned my head in his direction, meeting his gaze and causing butterflies to fill the pit of my gut. The feeling of warmth, love and peace that I felt before found me again, but this time it wasn't caused by me almost dying but by the gorgeous man to my right.

"Hi." I smiled slightly almost timidly. My hand reaching out to link his fingers with mine.

"Hey." Jack offered me a warm smile before squeezing my hand that wasn't connected to an IV tightly. "How are you feeling?"

"I got run over by a huge ass fucking truck, Jackary, how do I think I feel?" I asked jokingly, watching his face fall, making me feel a bit guilty. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Don't joke about it, it was fucking terrifying. Do you know how long I sat here next to you, waiting for you to wake up? Do you know how scared I was that you wouldn't remember me, that you wouldn't wake up? I-I.. don't do this again, please." the beautiful boy to my right said quietly, his eyes never leaving mine.

I sighed, but nodded anyways. "Can you please explain why there's a giant bandage wrapped around my nipples, Jack?" I asked, feeling nervous as soon as I saw the color drain from Jack's face.

"Um.. well, that is an interesting story?" he offered, fidgeting uncomfortably. "You uh.. you don't have nipples anymore, babe. T-they had to remove them, it was part of the surgery. The doctors said they were.. uh.. beyond repair." Jack whispered, shamefully looking down.

"I-WHAT? What do you mean I don't have nipples anymore? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Do you realize how fucking horrifying I'll look without nipples, Jack? You won't ever want to see me naked, hell I never want to see me naked ever again! Tell me that this is a sick fucking joke, Jack! THEY CAN'T JUST TAKE AWAY MY NIPPLES, WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY?" by the end of my outburst Jack was more or less doubled over with laughter, fat tears streaming down his cheeks. "JACK YOU FUCKER, I THOUGHT OH MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU?" I all but yelled, laughing myself.

"O-oh my god, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed, wiping a few tears away, not showing any sign that he would stop laughing soon "You should've seen your face, it was priceless!" After he had calmed down a bit, Jack started explaining. "Well, after you were taken back into your room, Dan and I sat here waiting for you to wake up and he convinced me to pull a little prank on you, uh. He knew your nurse and asked her if she could wrap some bandage around your nipples so it looked like you had severely injured them, he found it insanely funny." he grinned. Oh this beautiful grin.

"Wait, Dan was here?"

"Yeah, he came to bring me home." Jack mumbled, looking down and nervously playing with his fingers. "I saw the collision, I tried to save you, but I wasn't fast enough. I yelled your name, I frantically sprinted from my apartment to where I assumed you were taking a cab, but I was too late. I'm so sorry, so sorry. They.. they thought you were dead, I thought you were dead, in fact you were dead. You were declared clinically dead for about twenty-three minutes. I-I don't know, I somehow ended up breaking down in the middle of the hallway and Dan came to take care of me, so we just sat there when one of the doctors came out and told us that you made it." he whispered, his teary eyes meeting mine as he looked up again. I stretched as far as possible to wipe away the tears on his cheeks.

"Shhh, babe. It's okay, I'm here now and I'm fine." I whispered, slowly leaning in, feeling Jack doing the same. I closed my eyes and connected our lips in a soft, gentle kiss. Jack's hand came up to lovingly stroke my cheek. Our lips were moving in sync until he pulled away.

"Please don't do this to me ever again." he whispered against my lips, pecking them one last time before allowing me to cuddle back into my sheets.

"I won't, promise. Calm down, baby. I'm okay, everything's fine." I whispered, pressing a light kiss to the palm of his hand which seemed to calm him down a bit.

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"Who's Alex?" I asked, confused as to why he addressed me with the wrong name.

"What do you mean who's Alex? You are Alex." the raven-haired boy next to me stated calmly, at least I thought he was. If he was, by any chance, panicking inwardly he sure as hell was good at hiding it.

"I-I don't know.." I trailed, realization hitting me hard. I had no idea who I was, I knew not a single thing about myself, about what I did like and what not, about my past, nothing. It seemed as if everything up to the day that I first met Jack had been erased from my mind. I desperately tried to remember anything from my childhood, but it was useless. It felt like I was repeatedly running against a wall. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, the well-kown feeling of an upcoming breakdown hitting me like a ton of bricks. Who was I? "I-I.. I can't remember, Jack." I choked, letting the tears spill over, burying my head in my hands, shaking back and forth. "I don't know who I am, I don't know a single damn thing about me." I sobbed, my voice barely anything more than a pathetic whisper, a silent plead of answers. What was I supposed to do?

Okay, now he was freaking out. He was totally freaking out. "What are you talking about? Alex, this isn't funny. I swear to god if you're shitting me-" he rambled, but I cut him off.

"Jack, I'm not shitting you! I can't remember anything that happened from before the day I met you. I remember you, Dan and Phil and my mom, but I don't have any memories of my childhood, there's nothing left." I whispered, eyes widening as the fact sunk in another time.

The raven-haired carer left his seat to sit down next to me, pulling me to his chest and rubbing my back. "They feared that this would happen. You hit your head pretty heard, it's a miracle that you're still alive. I should probably call for a doctor."

As if on cue a small, chubby man with a long white beard entered the room, coughing to get our attention. He reminded me a lot of Albus Dumbledore, but now was not the time to laugh at Harry Potter related doppelgangers. "Mr. Gaskarth, it's a pleasure to see you awake and well. Plus we are more than happy to tell you that due to the blood transfusion a lot of the aggressive blood cells have been exchanged with normal ones which in this case will lenghten your life for about another four or five months." the chubby doctor smiled down at me, gently patting my right leg.

"Does that mean that Alex's going to live for another nine months?" my carer-boyfriend chimed in, the hopeful look on his face making me want to pinch his cheeks.

"Yes Mr. Barakat, that's exactly what I was trying to say. As for you Mr. Gaskarth, you should try and get as much rest as you can, you're stable and in a quite good condition which means that unless you get worse you're allowed to go home some time next week." he smiled once again, going "Are there any more questions?"

"Uh.. yes, actually." I stammered "I lost a huge part of my memory. I-I can't remember anything that happened over the course of the last sixteen and a half years." I whispered, eyes casting downwards. Would I never regain my memory?

"Ah yes yes, that's nothing uncommon. I would've been surprised if there wouldn't have been anything, if I'm honest. Don't worry, it's nothing permanent. You will regain your memory step by step, it takes some time, but you will fully recover, Mr. Gaskarth." he spoke with an ease of which I wasn't sure whether I should find it comforting or fucking insane. How could he speak about amnesia this easily? It was almost like he was mocking me.

I looked up at Jack whose eyes were fixed on Albus, a small smile playing around the corners of his mouth. At least Jack is hopeful. I thought sarcastically. As if he had heard my thoughts, my dark-haired beauty turns towards me, pulling me closer to him and kissing my temple softly which Albus took as his cue to leave, but not without telling me to get better soon. I sighed, resting my head on Jack's shoulder, playing with his fingers.

"Everything's gonna be okay?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Everything." he assured, cupping my face in his hands and pressing his lips to mine. "Now scoot over, we're gonna take a nap, gorgeous."

I happily obeyed, letting Jack spoon me. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, planting feather light kisses wherever he could reach, linking our fingers and resting them on my stomach. "Jack?" I whispered.

"Yes, Alex?"

"I'm scared."

"You don't have to be." he said, pulling me as close as possible without hurting me "I'm gonna be there for you every step of the way, I promise."

I woke up about an hour later to Jack softly stroking my side, making me hum in contently.

"Good morning." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with the one hand that wasn't injured, turning around so I could comfortably lay on my back, puckering my lips at Jack who immediately took the opportunity to press his lips to mine. "Mhhh, you taste nice." I grinned at the blush that crept on Jack's cheeks, loving the effect I had on him.

"Morning? It's almost nine in the evening, Alex." he chuckled, starting to shower my face in affectionate kisses. "You know.." he trailed, laughing at me squirming underneath him as he pressed light kisses to my bandages "I was thinking that maybe you'd like me to fill you in on who you are and all. Well, I don't know a lot, but I know enough to give you a good view on what a lovely person you are." he smiled, kissing my nose and making me smile in the process "That is until your mother gets here and starts to unpack the embarrassing shit."

"I'd like that." I grinned, playing with his fingers "But why only mom? What about my dad?" I could feel Jack tensing at my question, the adoration he held in his eyes before changing to an uneasy expression.

"I think that's for your mom to tell you." he stated and I could only nod, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he wasn't comfortable with, even though it was something I wanted to know seeing as it was a significant part of the life I once had but couldn't remember.

"Well okay the basics, you're name is Alexander William Gaskarth which sounds, to be honest, quite a bit posh but it's adorable. You're seventeen years old and were born on the 14th of December in Manhattan. You have the most gorgeous voice I've ever heard and I know that you play guitar, but I never actually heard you play. Your ex-girlfriends and friends in general are major bitches, because they all left you the moment they found out about your leukemia, but you don't need them anyways, because you're way too good for them. Plus, you've got me now and without trying to sound vain or anything, I'm pretty fucking awesome. We've been together for three days of which you spent the majority in hospital which sucks a whole fucking lot and you're basically begging me to take your virginity, therefore you are a sexual deviant, but that's okay with me, you're a pretty sexy perv."

I smacked his shoulder, pouting "I'm not a perv, you dick!"

"Yes, you are and I love every second of it, so shut up." my boyfriend laughed, before licking up my neck, causing me to giggle.

"Jaaack, that tickles, you shit."

"Well I can't exactly leave you with a huge hickey, now can I?" Jack asked, looking at me expectantly only to grin when I shook my head no. "See, now shut up and cuddle with me, I'm sure your mom will be here soon."