Status: In progress, loves.

Don't Waste Your Time on Me.

And yesterday you were here with me.

Alex

Another day, another life passes by just like mine. It's not complicated.

I woke up the next morning to an empty, cold bed and a sinking feeling in my gut. Had Jack seriously left me after having had sex with me the night before? He would never, I decided, even though one quick glance around the room confirmed my fears and I could feel the uneasiness settling in my stomach, making me want to throw up. Willing away the tears that threatened to spill, I took a brief moment to glance around Jack's bedroom, my eyes searching for a sticky note or something. He probably just went downstairs to prepare breakfast or something, I tried to reassure myself, but the feeling in my stomach told me otherwise. I got out of bed, desperately trying to locate the clothes we had carelessly thrown across the room last night in an attempt to get naked as fast as possible, only that this morning I tried to put them on and leave the apartment as fast as possible. It took me a good five minutes to find my pants under Jack's bed, as well as my shirt in the corner of the master bedroom (I had no idea where my socks were though). I grabbed a pair of fresh boxers out of my carer's drawer (might as well take something with me) changed in them quickly, fighting the urge to cry the whole time. I couldn't get my mind around the fact that Jack, my Jack, had left me after taking my virginity.

Another mind, another soul. Another body to grow old, it's not complicated.

As I knelt down to retrieve my pants, I felt a sudden rush of pain running down my spine, making it unable for me to move. I panicked, not knowing what to do. I felt helpless and for a moment I inwardly cursed Jack for not being here, for leaving me alone like I meant nothing to him. But that wasn't everything, no. As I stood there motionless, my mind was spinning, going hundred miles a minute.

Hush now, close your eyes before the sleep. And you're miles away and yesterday you were here with me.

"Alex, I'm leaving for the store, you wanna come with me?"

"Do I really have to?" I whined "I planned on going to Rian's to practice a little." I explained, although I felt bad the very minute I saw his face fall, causing me to change my mind. "You know what, Dad? I'm gonna come with you, I can practice with Rian any other day, anyways."

My dad smiled at that, giving me a high five before holding the front door open, waiting for me to step out so that he could lock the door behind us.

"The passanger seat is yours for the taking, dear son." dad said, getting in the drivers seat and starting the engine.

The drive to the store wasn't spectacular, really. It was basically just my nine year old self babbling on about my day and everything that seemed important enough for me to share. One thing I loved about my dad was that he always gave me his full attention, no matter what. He always made sure that I didn't feel out of place, he always listened to everything I had to say even if it wasn't interesting at all. My dad always showed me how much he cared about me, he never failed to make me feel cared for.

So when we arrived at the store (and my dad was updated on everything that had happened at school the past few days) we got out of the car and headed towards Tesco's entrance. We shopped groceries for about half an hour (the best thing about my dad was that he always let me slip into the car every single thing I wanted without ever complaining, he always used to say "as long as you don't tell your mom, you're fine."), before the cashier checked us out and dad carried the bags to our black Range Rover, deposing them in the trunk.

"How about we go to the pet store and you can choose a puppy to bring home with us?" my dad asked, smiling down at me as I jumped up and down in excitement, bright grin plastered on my face.

"Can we really, dad? Can we get a puppy?" I asked, my words rushed and unintelligible. I didn't even wait for him to respond, I simply grabbed his hand and dragged him in the general direction of the pet store, my dad following me without saying a word.

As soon as we got there I let go of his hand in order to run over to the dog crates, having it made my mission to pick out the perfect dog. I knew exactly what to do, I had internalized the technique my dad had thaught me. Jolt at the grid, startle them and pick the one who doesn't back away. That's what I did before my dad had the chance to tell me what to do. I wanted to impress him, therefore I did what I knew he would do if he were me.

Dad watched me silently, eyes trained on the white puppy that didn't back away from the noises I was making. And then dad smiled, a wide sincere smile. I remembered the way his face lit up, he looked so happy, so content.

"I think we found the perfect puppy, what do you think, Alex?" he asked, kneeling down next to me and pulling me into his side, kissing the top of my head.

"Yes!" my childishly high voice squealed as I clapped my hands together.

The moment my dad walked away to talk to the cashier was the moment I stuck my fingers through the grid, grinning when I felt the white ball of fur lick them.

"Hey puppy." I cooed "We're gonna take you home with us." I smiled, watching the way the puppy's ears perked up as if it understood what I was saying which made me smile even more.

"Alex!" my dad called out "Come on, buddy, we gotta go. We'll come back to pick the dog up tomorrow, okay? You know that your mom will be worried if we don't make it home on time!"

"Okay, dad." I said, pushing myself off the ground and turning to leave but not without saying bye to the puppy.

Once we were in the car, dad and I talked about how we were going to name the puppy. I knew a dozen names, but dad wanted something special, something manly and I laughed at every name he suggested, because really: who would call his adorable ball of fur George?


Another tear, another cry. Aother place for us to die, it's not complicated.

The next day my dad drove to the pet store to pick up our puppy (we decided to name it Arthur, because that was manly and majestic for the both of us). But dad never made it to the pet store. Needless to say that he never came back either.

I fell face first on the hard wooden floor of Jack's master bedroom as sob after sob wracked my small frame, hands not bothering to keep me from falling on my nose. I was having a terrifying meltdown. Tears after tears after tears kept running down my cheeks, snot I couldn't care less about dripped down the tip of my nose. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like my lungs refused to work and I gasped, desperately trying to force some oxygen in my lungs, but my breathing wouldn't even out and that's when I started freaking out completely. That's when I began to scream at the top of my barely functioning lungs, that's when I began tossing and turning on the floor, hitting my head against it over and over again, kicking and scratching my arms until they drew blood, the tears never ceasing.

Another life that's gone to waste, another light lost from your face. It's complicated.

I felt like the nine year old me all over again, felt helpless and small. I felt like the boy who had lost his dad way too early in a car crash all over again and new tears started brimming over as teary, blurred memories of me watching as the coffin my father, my hero, lay in got lowered down and buried six feet under where I would never see him again.

I let out another sob, shouting a "FUCK!" before I buried my head in my arms, trying to calm my breathing and stop the tears from coming.

And then Jack came in. He gasped, letting the bouquet of flowers he held fall to the floor, running towards me and kneeling by my side. He gingerly scooped me up his arms and carried me towards the bed, where he softly settled both of us down, pulling me in his lap. I cried harder as Jack run one hand down my spine, the other rubbing soothing circles on my hipbone. I tried to calm my breathing, tried to stop the teras from falling over and over again, but it didn't work. Everything hurt. My eyes hurt from all the crying and my throat felt sore, making it hard for me to swallow. I stayed there in Jack's arm for the rest of the afternoon. Much like the first time I met him he held me without asking questions and I finally slipped in a peaceful and dreamless sleep, hands tightened in Jack's shirt.

Oh, how I miss you. My symphony places the song that carries you out. Oh, how I miss you. I miss you and I wish you'd stay.
♠ ♠ ♠
Oh my fucking god, y'all don't even know how insanely pissed I am at myself. I had this all typed out, like nicely typed out, and it was actually readable but then I had to accidentally fucking click the freaking x and close the tab, without saving it as a draft. Holy fucking shit, I am so mad, like I'm really fucking useless and I'm so sorry like I had a lot to do and I couldn't bring myself to even try and write the chapter again, because I knew it would never live up to what I originally wrote and just yeah, you can all kick me in the balls.