Don't Waste Your Time on Me.

Alex

I was getting worse, I could feel myself starting to become weaker. I slowly but steadily turned into a zombie. That's exactly what I was, a basically dead entity walking around with no destination, with no sparkle, way too distant to be possibly brought back to reality. I could feel death eating on me and I hated every second of it. I hated how my eyes got dull and lifeless, how my face was getting paler with each day that passed, how I got even skinnier than I already was. Not that anybody did notice though. I wasn't ready to die at such a young age, not by any measures, but I wasn't willing to continue my life like this either. I had made up my mind two hours ago when the doctors told me I only got a few months left.

"We are terribly sorry Mister Gaskarth, but there's nothing we can do for you. Your blood work shows that the infected cells are a lot more than we originally thought. You have approximately four months left."

It was either my disease ending it or myself. The countdown was set. Two weeks, I had exactly to weeks that I wanted to fully devote to my loving mother before I would die. To say that I was determined would've been an understatement. I decided that I wouldn't inform my mother about my plans, it wouldn't matter. My demise was inevitable and we both knew it. Don't get me wrong, I felt sorry for doing this to her, but I knew that this was what I wanted. I just couldn't feel myself anymore, I wasn't a person anymore, I wasn't myself and I couldn't live that way any longer.

Plus it would save me the pain of spending my last days with Jack being there for me. I didn't want him to see me vegetate until death would finally take me away from all my sorrows. I knew it would upset him and that was something I couldn't live with. I hadn't seen him for about three weeks and I missed the guy, I really did. I missed how his goofy smile could brighten my day and how his warm arms would always bring me comfort even in the darkest of times. By now I was pretty sure that I had developed some gay crush on my adorable carer but I knew that we never had a chance which only made me more sad. Another reason to kill myself. I thought No need to deal with heartbreak.

"Alex, darling?" I heard my mother calling from the kitchen as soon as I entered the hallway. I had spent the last one and a half hour sitting in my car which I parked a few corners away, thinking about what I was about to do. I had made up my mind, but that was something my mother didn't need to know.

"Yes, mom?" I answered, walking into the kitchen to see her busying herself with making lunch. I walked over to her and pressed a light kiss on her cheek before she continued to speak.

"How was your appointment? Oh wait, as long as it's nothing major, would you mind driving to the store to buy me some milk? We ran out of it and I need it for the pizza dough."

"Sure, it's no problem at all." I told her, grabbing my keys and going to put on my shoes again. Once I was ready I yelled a short "Be back in a few!" before closing the front door behind me.

I reached my car and got in, turning on the radio and driving off. The drive to the nearest store took me about ten minutes and when I got there I cut off the engine and locked my car before walking in.

I aimlessly walked around through the isles in my nerve-racking search for milk. I inwardly bitched at whoever designed this store for making it so unbelievably unstructured. I turned to the right, heading towards what looked most likely to be the dairy product isle when I was tackled to the ground in a bear-hug by none other than Jack's co-worker Dan.

"Dude!" he exclaimed "I haven't seen you since we hung out the at the hospice! What are you doing here?" Dan asked, sounding overly excited to see me which made me genuinely smile, because even though he really was a nice guy, we didn't really now each other that well and it made me happy that he was so excited to see me.

"Ugh yeah, that was like almost a month ago. I actually came back from a doctors appointment twenty minutes ago and my mom wanted me to get her some milk from the store. What about you? And more importantly: where did you left Phil?" I asked, giving him a smug look to which he just rolled his eyes.

Getting off of me and cleaning his jeans off the dirt from the ground he offered me a hand to help me up. "Is it not possible for an absolutely straight 21-year-old, grown up man to leave the house for grocery shopping without tagging along his likewise straight best friend?" the brown-haired boy in front of me rambled and I could've sworn that he sounded somewhat offended until his whole theory was destroyed by non other than his "likewise straight best friend" joining us at the candy isle.

"Well Daniel, apparently it's not." I chuckled, offering Phil a shy smile and a small wave. He seemed to be a nice guy, but I hadn't had the time to get to know him properly yet.

"Hey Alex." the dark-haired English boy greeted me. "It seems like Daniel here hasn't invited you to the little party we are having yet." Phil stated, elbowing Dan in the side which caused the taller boy to squirm away from him with an unpleased expression.

"That's exactly what I was about to do before you brought your fat ass over here, douche!" Dan exclaimed, shoving Phil's shoulder playfully before focusing back on me. "You need to come with us right this second, we are having a party!" he cheered as if I hadn't been informed about that mere seconds ago.

"Chill out, dude." I chuckled "I'm coming to your party, but not right now. I need to bring this lovely carton of milk back home, because if not my mother will be pissed which leads to me dying of starvation, because I haven't had a proper meal in like five hours."

"You better! 10 pm. Our house. Be ready to party like a fucking rockstar!" Dan yelled, engulfing me in one of those handshake-meets-bro-hug thingies.

I then went to check out, taking the milk and walking to my car. I got in and quickly drove home.

"Mom?" I called out in the seemingly empty apartment "Mom, I'm back." I was confused as to where my mother was until I entered the kitchen and spotted the pink sticky note on our fridge.

I'm sorry, dear, but I had to leave for work. You can finish making the pizza dough if you want, I put it in the fridge. I'll be back tomorrow around noon. Love you.

I groaned, not wanting to even think about the mess I would made if I made the pizza myself, so I settled for ordering one. I quickly showered and dried off my hair with the towel before the door bell rang, announcing my pizza's arrival. I opened the door, paid for my food and thanked the guy before closing the door and sitting down at the kitchen table in only my boxers. I took my time eating dinner, knowing well that I probably wouldn't get any food at the party and everybody knows that booze and an empty stomach don't like each other that much. I cleaned after me, leaving the kitchen spotless, because I knew how much my mom loved having her kitchen clean. I grabbed a pair of socks from the clothes hamper, heading back to my room to get ready for the night ahead of me.

-

Two hours and a few drinks later I was looking for Dan and Phil. All I really wanted from them was asking if they had seen Jack, because I knew he'd be there somewhere, the three of them were best friends, how could he possibly turn them down? I grabbed a cup of one of those red party cups and left the kitchen, entering the living room I stopped at the doorframe, looking for any familiar faces.

And then I saw him. In the middle of the dance floor, shamelessly swinging his hips from side to side. The one guy I was craving so much to see was right in front of me, three steps away, dancing and having a good time. I stood there absolutely baffled as to what I was supposed to do when he suddenly turned around and boy was that man sexy.

Jack was wearing black skinny jeans, so tight that I was fairly certain he wouldn't feel his balls balls for a long time, along with baby blue Suprah's. Besides he wore a black button-down shirt with a matching baby blue tie and his hair was the sexiest I've ever seen it on him. It was dyed completely black, remainders of his once blue fringe nowhere to be seen. His fringe had been straightened and fixed on his forehead while the rest of his hair was purposely tousled. You could tell that he had put a lot of effort and probably a hell lot of hairspray in styling his hair, not that it bothered me in the slightest, because he looked like a sex god coming out of some kinky ass dream.

The moment he spotted me a giant grin spread across his face. He left the dance floor to join me at the self-made bar Dan and Phil owned. Without saying a word he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I missed you." the dark-haired Lebanese whispered into my ear, pulling away to look at me, frowning instantly.

"What?" I asked, suddenly becoming self-conscious.

"You lost weight. And your skin is paler, how are you feeling? Don't lie to me." he asked, voice thick with worry, fingers gently stroking my cheek.

"I'm okay, don't worry about me." I gave him a sincere smile which he returned only to scrunch up his nose adorably before speaking up.

"Come on, let's dance! I'm gonna make your forget about your problems for one night!"

-

We were heatedly making out in the middle of the dance floor, grinding against each other. I slipped my thigh between Jack's leg, massaging his crotch and causing him to let out a small whimper. The room felt too hot and my skin felt like it was on fire. The tension between me an Jack became unbearable, yet not enough.

"I want you." I moaned into his ear, feeling him shudder before he pulled away.

"No, Alex. We can't. You're drunk." he explained as calm as possible, making me want to throw a chainsaw at him. What? I was incredibly horny and the hottest guy in the whole wide world refused to have sex with me.

"I'm not even that drunk!" I exclaimed, feeling the urge to have him running through me "I want you, Jack. I want you right fucking now and-"

"Psssh." he cut me off by pressing his beautiful, addicting lips gently against mine. I was once again overwhelmed by his haste and I couldn't stop the butterflies from erupting in my gut "I know you want this, believe me it's pretty hard to ignore your hard on poking my leg," Jack explained to which I only rolled my eyes "and as much as I'm enjoying that I'm not going to fuck you.. yet. Now if you please would follow me without trying to sexually assault me, mister." he said, motioning for me to follow him.

"Where are we going, anyway?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

"I'm taking you to mine." he simply stated, obviously not caring to explain his plans any further.

"And why?"

"Because I want to make out with you on my bed and then eventually fall asleep with you cuddled in my arms."

And yes, I could totally live with that.

Later that night, well it was actually three in the morning - after various make out sessions, I found myself cuddled up to Jack, both wearing nothing but boxers. My head was resting on his chest, his steady heartbeat the only thing I could hear. He was running one hand through my messy hair, stroking my side with the other. Anyone who would've been able to see us at the moment would've thought that we just had had sex. It was strangely soothing, I felt protected. It felt like home. And then I remembered why I was here in the first place.

"Jack?" I whispered, not wanting to break the comfortable silence we had fallen in.

"Hmm?" he hummed to let me know he was listening.

"I'm being serious about that whole sex thing, y'know? And I really want you to be the one that takes my virginity and I understand that you might not feel the same way about me or that you might not want that, but I won't be alive two weeks from now and I don't want to die a virgin." I explained quietly, I didn't want to scare him off and for a second I thought that was exactly what I did, but then Jack spoke up.

"Alex, listen.. I understand that it must be hard on you and don't get me wrong, I would love to have your virginity, seriously. But I don't believe you want this for the right reasons. I-I just don't want to be a casual fuck to you, you know." he murmured "And by the way: what do you mean by saying you'd only have two weeks left?"

"It wouldn't be for the wrong reasons and you know that you wouldn't be just a casual fuck to me, Jack. I.. well, um.. I decided to kill myself." I simply stated, burying my head in the crook of Jack's neck to hide away my face.

I could feel him shifting beneath me, trying to get up. He manhandle me so I was sitting cross-legged in front of him, my back facing the well, giving me no chance to escape an upcoming argument. He remained surprisingly calm, only staring deep into my eyes. It felt like he was looking straight into my soul, revealing every single secret I kept hidden over the last few years.

And then he said the things that made my heart swell with so much adoration that I thought I would throw up butterflies any minute.

"You won't kill yourself, okay? And you know why? Because I care about you, because I cared about you from the very second I entered your hospital room and saw you crying. And I had this huge urge to protect you from the wrongs of the world since you cried in my arms back then. We can go through this together, I will be there every step of it, okay? Just.. just don't say something like that ever again." I could see a few tears escaping the corner of his eyes. I quickly wiped them away, feeling my own eyes watering.

"I won't do it, Jack. Thank you."

"Promise?"

I cupped his cheeks with my hand before gingerly pressing my lips to his, keeping it sweet and slow. When I pulled back I pecked him on the lips one last time, rolling over so he could spoon me.

"Promise."

"Can we sleep now?." he whispered, pressing a kiss to my neck.

"Sure." I responded, cuddling myself closer to him and letting out a content sigh.

"Oh and Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

"It would be my pleasure."