Status: In progress, loves.

Don't Waste Your Time on Me.

Take me from the wreckage, save me from the blast.


I was having an annoyingly stressful and not to mention needlessly horrible day. Patients were being extra cranky, - not that I could blame them, but it was making my job just that tiny bit harder - we had some kind of inspector here to check if we were doing our work properly which by the way was probably the most nosy and generally nerve-racking person I've ever had the displeasure to meet and as if that wasn't enough already, he seriously had the nerve to tell me that I was being way too nice to my patients what with hugging them and all.

"Mr. Barakat, those kids are suffering from severe illnesses and on the verge of dying. You shouldn't risk getting infected by hugging them."

Oh excuse me, kind sir, unlike you I didn't get my knowledge about taking care of people only from reading books, I actually work with those kids and I have enough sympathy and common sense in me to actually know what they need and when they need it. So please just let me do my job. Mr. Barakat this, Mr. Barakat that. I was inwardly killing peeling off his skin and pouring battery acid into the open wounds while he was fully conscious.

And to make matters even worse - because something up there just hated me that one percent more than everybody else - Alex had been spending the last two days here. Which meant that he would be released today, but still. Well now, I always love having my boyfriend around, don't get me wrong, but the circumstances were rather deceiving although he had been getting better over the past few weeks. I tried my hardest not to get my hopes up, but things were getting brighter with each day passing and I couldn't help but think that Alex would be alive and I would get my happy ending.

After one and a half hour of successfully hiding in the cafeteria from Mr. You-need-to-keep-your-distance-because-if-not-your-patients-will-most-likely-give-you-HIV-or-some-other-serious-shit, I ran into Judy who had been flirting with me all day. It made me feel uncomfortable to say the least, but knowing the look she gave me, I couldn't help but shudder. What she was about to say would crush me in a matter of seconds.

"Jack, I have bad news." she carefully began, voice void of any form of emotion. She had done this too many times to sound affected.

I couldn't help but let out a defeated sigh "What is it, Jude? I'm really not in the mood to hear that one of my patients died."

"I-it's not as much a patient as it.. as it is a family member of a patient." she stammered, eyes glued to the ground as I processed what she just told me.

No, that couldn't be. How? Why her? I was willing to give everyone up. I was okay with dealing with everyone's pain but not Alex's. I knew it before she said it out loud. I knew it because I felt my stomach drop and my head spin. My mind was racing as was my heart. I couldn't do this, I couldn't tell him. What was I supposed to say?

"Jack, are you okay? You look kinda pale." Judy asked, concern filling the voice that was so emotionless only mere minutes ago.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I flashed her a reassuring smile before continuing "I'm gonna go tell Alex.." and with that I turned around, heading towards Alex's room.

Once I got there I couldn't find it in me to walk in, I wasn't ready to break his heart. I wasn't able to crush his world, the boy had already enough reasons to hate the world and it was only so long until he collapsed under the weight on his shoulders.

I stood there for about five minutes before I got together the courage to press down the handle. I entered the room and was immediately being tackled down by the weight of my boyfriend jumping on me.

"BAAAABY!" he all but screamed, smiling down at me before bumping our noses together and pressing a loving kiss to my lips, one hand curling around my waist while the other gently stroked my cheek. His lips felt so soft against mine that I forgot my purpose for a minute, instead leaning into his touch, craving more.

Alex then pulled away, moving his head so it was resting in the crook of my neck, making no move to get up off the ground. He just tightened his arms around me, skin tingling and warming at the contact. It was nice, my chest was pooling warm, making me smile despite everything. Being with Alex always had that effect on me. It was like the world outside didn't matter, didn't exist. It was just the two of us, him and me. The only thing that ever mattered, the only thing that always would matter.

"I missed you." he mumbled, his breath meeting my skin and effectively making me shiver. And that's when he brought me back to the cruel reality. A reality where this beautiful boy had just lost his mother. I could feel him frowning at my lack of response, causing him to pull away and look at me properly which only made him frown even more.

"What's wrong, Jack?" he asked and I knew this was it. It was now or never, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for this. I took a moment to look at the boy above me, looking as adorable as ever. I could see the happiness swimming in his eyes, along with affection and adoration. In that moment I wanted nothing more but to bring Alex's mother back. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting this precious boy.

We just laid there, looking at each other. Alex looked concerned, concerned but also a bit curious. "Jaaaack.."

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes" Alex, your mom.. I'm- I'm afraid she won't be here to pick you up." I whispered, trying my hardest not to cry. I needed to be strong, he needed me to be strong.

"What are you talking about? Of course she'll be there, she always is." he said, meeting my eyes with a confused expression.

"Alex.. L-lex.." I trailed, not knowing how to tell him the news. I started crying, suppressing a sob before continuing to tell him what happened "Alex, your mom, she-"

He cut me off. "She what Jack? Just spit it out!"

"She died, Lex. I'm so sorry." I spluttered, now full on crying. "She died in a car crash."

"No.. no that can't be.. Jack, tell me you're kidding me, please Jack. I beg you to tell me my mom isn't dead. Jack, Jack please.. She can't be, I don't have anyone but her. Jack, I was getting better, there was hope. She can't leave me like that." by the end of his little speech Alex was a sobbing mess, much like myself, clinging to me for dear life. I don't know how long we sat there crying in each other's arms but when I eventually pulled away it was dark outside, lantern's illuminating the streets while the moon was hidden behind thick gray clouds.

"Come on," I whispered softly, fearing that me talking loud would startle him "you're gonna stay at mine, Lex."

He looked at me, before slowly nodding, allowing me to pull him up with me. Once I finished packing all of his things I took his hand to lead him out of the hospice and to my car.

I jolted up, desperately trying to catch my breath. Nightmare, just a terrible nightmare. Alex's mother wasn't dead, she was okay. Everything was okay. I rolled on my side to check if Alex was already awake. Alex. No Alex. Just a cold, blank, empty space. Was me asking him to be my boyfriend part of that dream? No, it couldn't. Images came flooding back. No, it wasn't a dream. Alex, where had he gone? Why did he leave? I groaned, tearing at my hair. I was getting frustrated.

And that's when I spotted it.

A little yellow note, neatly folded and placed on the pillow Alex had slept on. I hurriedly unfolded it only to stare in horror at what it said.

Don't think I left you like that, I just figured that my mother would appreciate it if I came home before her. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see your adorable face waking up, but I enjoyed waking up to your sleeping form. Don't worry about me, I'm gonna take a cab home. I'll call you later, sleepy head.


I felt my stomach drop. No. No no no. Not now, no. I didn't know what had gotten into me, but before I could register what exactly I was doing, I had already gotten up and sprinted down the stairs to my front door, wearing nothing but boxershorts. I threw on a coat and some shoes before running down the path that led up to my door, praying to god that the feeling in my gut was fooling me. I had the feeling that something terrible was bound to happen. Something that involved Alex and my dream. I couldn't shake the feeling off as I ran and ran, not knowing where I was going. I just knew that I had to run, that I needed to do something. I reached the main road in less than five minutes and that's when it happened. That's when I saw that the driver of the oncoming truck was fast asleep at the steering wheel. That's when I saw Alex crossing the road to get into the cab, not registering what was about to happen. I screamed. Shouted his name. Pleading that he wouldn't get hurt, running to get him away from the cab, from the truck. I could see the earphones that were being plugged into his ears, making him oblivious to his surroundings. I ran and ran. He was too far away, too hard to reach.

Any effort was rendered useless when the last thing I heard before completely breaking down was the sound of heavy metal colliding with fragile bones.