Situations Are Irrelevant Now

I am completely at a loss of words, both literally and figuratively. These past couple of days, since I’ve been fired, have been like a living hell. And within those days, I’ve barely spoken a single word, I’ve barely eaten a full meal, and I’ve barely left the room. It seems like a million years since I’ve smiled or laughed.

I always thought I might have had a few minor cases of depression a few years ago, but I was dead wrong. I had no idea what depression was, compared to what I’m going through now. The funny thing is that hardly anyone has come in here to check if I was alright. Obviously Ronnie would come in here because, unfortunately, he sleeps in the same room as me. He would try to say stuff to me, and most of it would be completely stupid, but I would never respond. I just pretended like he wasn’t there – just as he had done to me too many times before.

The problem was that I didn’t want to ignore him, but he was just being such an immature, cocky asshole about everything that happened last week that I have to ignore him. Or would it be better to just forget it all, and try to start over by being halfway civil with him? I’m so damn confused and upset that I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore! Oh, and to make matters worse, Ronnie has been bringing home more and more girls. So far, none of them have spent the night…well that all changed today.

I’ve gotten into the habit of waking up in the morning, getting on my laptop to check my facebook and myspace pages, playing a little guitar, and then blasting music the rest of the day…and doing all of this in the same room. Well, I had been in my ‘blasting music the rest of the day’ stage at the time, so I didn’t hear Ronnie and some sleazy whore tumble into the room, practically having sex even with their clothes on.

“Uh Megan I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” Ronnie said with a smirk as he held his whore close to him. She looked at me and started giggling like I was just the funniest looking person in the whole damn world.

For the first time in a week, I was going to say something to him. Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean that he can walk all over me. “Hell no, Ronnie. You take your whore and go downstairs to the couch bed.” My own voice sounded foreign to me, that’s how long it’s been since I’ve said anything.

He started laughing a little as he said, “Good one Megan. But wouldn’t it make more sense to kick out one person than two? Besides, this is my house, so it’s my rules.”

“Good one Ronnie,” I mocked, “but I think I’m fine right where I am. Get the hell out of the room.”

Ronnie sighed as he painfully forced himself to let go of the girl he was with to walk over toward me and sit down right in front of me, having immediate eye contact with him. “Megan if you don’t get out of this room, I’ll –.”

“You’ll what? Kick me out? In case you forgot, I would have no problem with that. And last time I checked you were the one who told me that I’m gonna be stuck here forever with you guys.”

He looked a bit shocked, like he forgot he said that. And he knew that kicking me out would be the only thing that he could use against me. Or at least, that’s the only thing that I thought he could use against me.

Needless to say, the girl Ronnie had with him that night left right away because she didn’t want to sit around and wait for me to leave the room, and she got the idea that me and Ronnie were like ex-boyfriend and girlfriend. Yeah, pretty much furthest thing from it, considering in order to be an ex, you would have to have dated first you know.

So, I thought maybe I had just won a small victory – but as usual I was wrong. After that Ronnie learned his lesson and just automatically brought his whores down to the basement. I guess I couldn’t complain…but I still did, to myself anyway.

There was a reason why I stayed in the room for 92% of the day, and that was to avoid the world and anyone in it who could hurt me. So, I really don’t know why I found myself walking out the door and down to the kitchen. I sighed to myself, realizing that I’ve gone an entire week without any kind of alcoholic beverage. Time to fix that! I needed some hardcore stuff to get me through this depression, so I just grabbed a shot glass and filled it to the brim with straight up Vodka. I’ve never had it straight up like this before, so I figured it couldn’t be too bad, since it is in almost all of my personal favorite mixed drinks. Clearly, I was wrong about that one.

I lifted the glass up to my lips and quickly tilted my head back to allow the liquid to run down my throat, but it didn’t even make it that far. It tasted so disgusting and burned so much that there’s no way in hell I’d be able to swallow it. I was so taken aback by the terrible flavor that I just spat it out. And I didn’t know that someone else had come into the kitchen. That someone else was Ronnie, and he was now covered in my Vodka shot.

He just kinda stood there in shock I guess for a little bit and then he slowly ran his hand down his face to get most of the drink off his face. His hair was still pretty soaked and so was his shirt. I couldn’t help but smile, even if it was just a little one. It was the first smile in a week, and to my surprise Ronnie noticed.

“Ok, if you wouldn’t have just smiled for the first time in forever, then I would’ve been pissed,” he told me, leaning against the counter.

“Wow I’m surprised you even noticed. I mean, you’ve been pretty ‘busy’ lately, if you know what I mean…”

“Well, obviously, I’m not busy tonight.”

“What’s the special occasion?”

He shrugged, “I felt like staying home tonight.”

“On a Friday night?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Yes, on a Friday night. What if I wanted to do something with you?” Wait what?! That makes no sense whatsoever. No, don’t fall for his little tricks again.

“But you don’t,” I said sadly, “so don’t even bother.” I turned to leave the room, but Ronnie held onto my hand to stop me from leaving.

“Don’t leave. You aren’t going back to the room, especially since this is the first time I’ve seen you out of it.” Ok, so when he’s bored and has no one else to have fun with, he goes to me. Wow I feel so loved. Not.

“Ronnie, look I just want to –.”

“No, you’re staying out here with me tonight.” What’s he getting at? He seems so serious about all of this…so I guess I should give him a chance, right?

“Alright Ronnie, I guess I’ll stay here with you tonight.” He smiled, “That’s what I thought you’d say. Here, look I even rented a movie.” Behind his back he had been holding a Blockbuster bag with the movie inside.

I smiled just a little bit, “Oooh what movie? And will there be popcorn?”

“It’s Braveheart and yeah, there will be popcorn…but you’ll be making it!” He would say something like that.

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed a bag from the pantry nearby and put it in the microwave. Once that was done popping, I poured it into one big bowl, grabbed a couple of beers, and walked into the family room to see that Ronnie had skipped past all the previews and was ready to start the movie. He had the lights dimmed, and I had to admit, the room did feel slightly romantic. But I can’t think like that. He made it perfectly clear that we’re just friends and that’s it. I have to keep that in mind.

The movie started off a little slow, I guess mostly because all the people were talking in their Scottish accents, which made them sound a little weird. And this movie isn’t exactly one that was on my list of movies that I’m dying to see, but I wasn’t about to tell Ronnie that.

As the movie progressed, Ronnie and I got closer and closer together to the point where we both fit on the same cushion of the couch. I was reclined up against his chest and he had his left arm wrapped around me. My right arm wrapped around his back and my left arm rested on his stomach…so it kind of looked like I was giving him a hug I guess.

Well, eventually the kiss/sex scene came onto the screen, and I don’t know why, but I wished that that was me and Ronnie doing that. And that we were both really in love with each other, instead of it being just me in love with him. I glanced over at Ronnie to see what he was doing…and to see if he had any thoughts about this scene in the movie. He was already looking down at me by the time our eyes met. I think I know what he’s thinking.

And as if all my dreams were about to come true, I found myself leaning up as he leaned down and our lips met with both of our eyes shut. I crawled up a little more so that I was on his lap and then I pushed him further into the leather couch as we began what would become a 45 minute make-out session. I put everything I had into it, because I know he likes it aggressive, and he did just the same thing.

You know, for two people that aren’t going out, this was pretty in depth…and romantic. Let’s just say I couldn’t tell you how that movie ended. I was too busy making yet another painful mistake with Ronnie Radke. And tomorrow I hear the truth about what I had been dreading for so long, I just didn’t know it at the time.