Where Ghosts Roam

I couldn't believe it, he was standing right in front of me again. Just like old times..

"You're supposed to be dead.." I said.

"Yeah, well looks like you'll be joining me soon if you keep on cutting yourself." He pointed to my arms.

Your so stupid, I thought. You should have hid the cuts more carefully. Wait a minute...

"I have a jacket on, how the hell did you know I cut myself?" I said pointing to the red sleeves of my hoodie.

"I've been looking over you, and clearly I chose a good time to come back." He said.

"You've been watching me, this whole fucking time? And you chose now to come back?" My fists were balled and my nails were digging into my palms.

"Pretty much." He smiled. "Why are you so bottled up now?"

"Really? You're going to ask me that? My one true best friend, not to mention my brother, fucking killed himself. Without reason." He was starting to piss me off.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm still not going to tell you, but I will when the time is right." He explained.

I was silent, I had nothing to say.

"When did you start?" He said quietly.

"The night of the funeral..."

I was sitting in front of his coffin. Zack and Rian were sitting beside me and Jack was beside Rian. It was raining outside, pouring actually. Just like the night he died. I couldn't stop crying. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen, that was the fifth night I cried myself to sleep. Jack, Rian and Zack had been staying at my house the whole week.

Everyone was upset and always crying. My parents flew back to Baltimore the next day. My mother has been zombie-like for six days now and my father has pretty much kept to himself. Rian, Jack, and Zack had cried, but not like me. They only cry when they start to think about him.

I looked at the coffin; I couldn't picture him actually being in there. It tore my heart to shreds; no one was as close with him as I was.

The priest was talking about Cayden, saying what a good kid he was and that he's in a better place now and he wasn’t suffering anymore. I looked around at everyone and saw only my mom, dad, Zack, Rian and Jack crying. Everyone else just looked like they were forced to be there.

I was blinded by pain, I felt like I wanted to explode. I couldn't take being there anymore. I stood up and looked at his coffin. I walked up to it and threw a black rose at it. As soon as it hit the coffin I turned and ran into a full sprint back home.

By the time I got home I was drenched. I ran to my room and locked it. I took off my suit and threw it in a pile by the door. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my blue and white basketball shorts. I turned around and looked at the nightstand by my bed. I walked over to it and pulled out my razor blade.

I made my way into the joint bathroom that Cayden and I shared. I locked both doors and sat down against Cayden's entrance. I sat the razor down on the floor, looked up at the ceiling and sobbed so hard that my chest was hurting. I picked up the razor blade and pressed it to my wrist. I needed to do it..

I made a long slit across my wrist. Watching the blood flow out made me feel like all my pain was flowing with it. I felt relieved. I didn't cut too deep; I didn't want to die just yet. After about a minute I started tending to my wrist. This was going to be my new escape...

I turned around to look at Cayden. I could feel the tears starting to fill my eyes.

"Cayden, why'd you do it? Please, tell me." I pleaded, tears flowing down my face.

"Alex, I can't. All I can say right now is that I'm sorry for what I’ve done and all the pain I’ve caused." He said quietly, looking hurt.

"Whatever, like you needed any more attention, Cayden. Can't you see you showed this family a world of pain?" I collapsed to the floor, shaking with sobs.

He started to cry silently. "I'm sorry." He walked over to me, kneeled down and held me while I cried.

"I've missed you..."