Who Are You to Fall Apart on Me?

[Jaime]~This means [____P.O.V.]

After Vic left me on the ground last night, I went up to my bunk and tried, and failed, to have a restful sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, his words echoed around in my head. No. What's so bad about me? Why wouldn't he want to kiss me? Questions like these bounced around my head again and again until I had worn a metaphorical hole in the ground of my mind pacing these thoughts until I couldn't take it anymore and roused myself from my bunk and hunted the kitchen for something to eat that could distract me, even if for a moment.

Stop it, Jaime. You're straight, he's not even into you. Why would you care if he was into you in the first place? It was a stupid, juvenile game of truth or dare while you were all drunk of your collective asses. I doubt he even remembers what happened. Calm down. It. Doesn't. Matter.

I sighed quietly to myself and grabbed a poptart from the top shelf. I don't even know what's happening to my feelings anymore. I had lost interest in girls, and didn't see them anymore. Just people who didn't know me and didn't care about knowing me past my membership in the band. And now Vic.... Jaime get it together, you don't care about him that way. And just as soon as that thought crossed my muddled mind, Vic walks in with bedhead around his face and sleep still dwelling in his eyes. He had taken off his shirt to sleep, and wore nothing but black-grey boxers that began to slip down his hips as he yawned and stretched his arms up high above his head. My train of thought was shattered to pieces at that very moment, and I couldn't help but bite my lip at the sight and mentally chastise myself for thinking thoughts about guys, let alone my best friend.

"What are you staring at?"

Suddenly my train of thought was broken and I realized his deep chocolate irises were staring into my depthless brown ones, and he was looking at me with an expression of...surprise? I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks flush once more and chuckled, brushing off the incident with a muttered comment about how his hair was a mess and needed to brush it out.
"Whatever man, at least mine isn't sticking up in all different places!"
"That's on purpose!", I replied with a fake smile. I wanted to be anywhere but here with him, why was he making me so anxious? I guess I pulled a face and Vic peered at me with questioning eyes.
"Dude, what's wrong? Did something happen?", his concern was too much for me, and made me feel so idiotic for being such a girl about him not wanting to kiss me. Jesus Christ what is going on anymore. I flashed a fake grin and excused myself, not bothering to explain my discomfort to him, nor anyone. I practically jumped out of the situation, half-running past his confused reaction, and into the bathroom where I sank to the floor and cradled my head, trying to make sense of my life anymore.

[Vic]

I just couldn't kiss him.

How could I? That would be like lying to myself because it'd feel as if we were finally together, but it was nothing but a meaningless, drunk kiss that he wouldn't remember in the morning, and my heart would be ten pounds heavier. I ran out before I had the chance to let everything out and have him hear all my bundled up feelings I kept at the pit of my stomach. I rushed past him before I could see his reaction, and I dived into my bunk and buried my face and my feelings into my all-too-knowing pillow who accepted all my tears and whimpers and hid them from the others. I heard the faint sounds of Jaime getting up to his bunk a few minutes later, and heard him tossing and turning. What could be keeping his pretty little mind awake? I had already sobered up from my crying, and was left again to feel heartbroken. Before I could worry anymore about my secret crush, I slipped off my shirt and pants and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up the next morning my hair was an unholy disaster, and I was too hungover to be bothered to get any form of dressed or ready so I climbed out and into the kitchen as is. As I stumbled in for breakfast, I spotted Jaime nibbling on a poptart and caught up in his own head. As soon as he heard me he looked up, just as I was stretching out my body to wake up a little. I caught him looking me up and down and biting his lip. I looked at him with a misunderstanding stare, he was straight, so why was he giving me this look of...of want. I asked him what he was looking at and as soon as he realized I caught him, his cheeks turning a flame and he let out a weak laugh, mumbling something about how my hair was a rat's nest? I had to stick up for my hair and I called him out on his radical hairdo that defied gravity on a regular basis. He responded with a less than impressive comeback, and gave me this weird smile that didn't look right on him at all. It wasn't his usual heartwarming grin that made me want to answer his with one of my own. It looked....forced. He gave me some bullshit excuse to leave and rushed past me, and a few minutes later I heard the familiar click of the lock on our shitty little bathroom.

Ugh. We're not even having normal conversations! I need to pull myself together, or else I'll fuck up our whole friendship. I think we all need to cool down. I slipped back inside my bunk and closed my eyes, trying to understand how things spiraled down so quickly. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Either way, a nap sounded like a very good idea right about now.