Who Are You to Fall Apart on Me?

[Vic]

When I woke up a few hours later, it was already around 4:30 P.M. and our next show was at 9. I couldn't believe I wasted the entire day in bed. Sleeping off a hangover and a fight with the man who you're madly in love with and has no idea makes for once hell of a nap. I shake off my last bits of irritation at myself and get up and look around to see what the boys have been up to while I was knocked out. Pulling on some black skinnies, You Me At Six tee, and a beanie, I walk back to the front of the bus. I see Tony on his phone, texting some chick no doubt, and Mike making a homemade hangover remedy our papa taught us when we each turned 21. I didn't spot Jaime anywhere.
"Yo, where's Hime?"
"Uhh...What? Sorry, my head's being split open with rusty nails, you're gonna have to run that past me just one more time." Mike's voice was a tad hoarse and cracked, I could tell he had only gotten up maybe an hour beforehand, and tried to wash away some of the residue from last night down the drain.
"What happened to Jaime? I don't see him anywhere?" My inner paranoia was just starting to bubble. Is he still upset? What is he upset about? Why is he acting funny around me?
"Oh he's in his bunk, maybe sleeping.."His voice trailed off as he tried to focus on completing the mixture that would hopefully alleviate some of his symptoms. I walked back to the hallway, and gently drew back Jaime's curtain to see him resting with the most adorable, scrunched up face. I could tell he was having troubling dreams.
"Jaime baby wake up", Shit, did I just call him baby?
"Vic.." His drowsy voice hit my ears and just begged me to lie down next to this handsome boy and cradle him in my arms to help ease his tumultuous slumber. A few seconds later, his eyes fluttered opened, and when he realized that I was in his bunk his eyes widened and his body jerked forward in surprise, which landed him a kiss on the forehead from the ceiling above him.
'V-v-ic, uhhh, what are you looking for in here?" His voice came out shaky and almost shy. He's never been shy around me before. He turned his face expectantly at me, making a pained face and pouting his lower lip. It made his puppy-like qualities even more prominent, and just made me ache to reach out and soothe him.
"I came to talk to you Hime-Time. Something's up between us and I hate it. It's only been a few days, but I feel like something's on your mind and it's about me." My heart rate sped up as my nervousness pushed me to gnaw on my lower lip, awaiting an explanation as to why he'd been acting this way. Not that I hadn't been acting exactly the same back to him, it's just easier to have him say that he's been in a funk than for me to out myself to him, and in consequence the whole band, and have him reject my feelings for him.

[Jaime]

"I came to talk to you Hime-Time. Something's up between us and I hate it. It's only been a few days but I feel like something's on your mind and it's about me." My palms began to sweat as I faced Vic, his eyes full of questions and sorrow. I bit my lip and looked elsewhere, trying to avoid his intense gaze. I put on a big, fake smile and began to brush off the shift in our relationship.
"Haha, dude what? No, we're totally cool. Nothing's up. What makes you think that?" Please don't question me.
"Hime, you were so zoned out this morning, you haven't spoken to me all day, and I know when you're lying to me, even when you smile."Shit. Stop knowing me so well, Vic.
"Vic, seriously. Everything is totally cool between us. You need to relax." I could feel the pain in my heart as I lied to him. I hated lying to him.But what would he think of me? Why would he even want me in the first place. He probably thinks that I'm just a toddler.
"Fine, Jaime. If you're really not going to talk to me about what's bugging you. I can't stop you!" Vic's voiced bounced up to an angry tone on the last word, and he quickly got up and left. My God, I wanted nothing more but to chase after him and wrap my arms around his waist and kiss the top of his forehead and whisper to him that I wasn't mad, just confused and scared.
"Get ready, our next performance is in a couple of hours." I could hear the anger in his voice. Fuck. Why is he so upset? My tummy began to flipflop and wouldn't stop, so I got up and ran into the bathroom. Why is everything going wrong today? I balled my hands into fists and clenched and unclenched them, trying to calm myself down.
He doesn't even like you anyway, you're weird. You know what you need to do. My head began pounding and I could feel my heart thumping against my chest. The familiar fear washed over me as I tried to resist that need. I overcame that a long time ago. All that was left of it was a few faded lines and bad memories that came and haunted me at night from time to time. And of course, my back up plan.
I tried counting down from ten, but it didn't help. I was angry with everything. Fucking up everything with my best friend, being confused at why I care so much about him, lying to his face. It was all overwhelming me. I began hunting through cabinets with a new, anguish-fueled energy, knowing exactly what I was searching for.
--
When it was over, I had only let a few tears slip through my glassy eyes, and I cleaned each cut meticulously. Damn it, Jaime. You're supposed to be stronger than this. I sighed at my failure written out across my forearm, and pulled my sleeve down. I stood up, wiped away the few tears, put on a goofy grin and went outside the bathroom as if nothing had just happened.