Status: Updating at LEAST once a week, if not more often(:
Who Are You to Fall Apart on Me?
Not Good Enough For Truth
[Vic]
I heard Jaime go back into the bathroom. I was too angry to see if HE was upset. Why wouldn't he just talk to me? Though our relationship crazy right now, he's still my best friend. I don't understand. I gripped my hair in my hands tightly and started to pace around the front of the bus, trying to figure things out. I don't know how to fix this, and our venue is coming up.Get it off your chest. Tell him, the worst he can say is 'No'. What am I supposed to say? Oh hey, by the way I'm gay, and in love with you. He's gonna think I'm some creep, or not be interested in the first place! But still, the way he looked at me this morning led me to think that just maybe there's more to his feelings that just friendship...
How can I tell him? I can't just leave us in this horrible limbo where we hardly speak to each other and fall into painful silences. This is my best friend, God damn it! And if he doesn't like me, he doesn't, and I can get all these pent up emotions out.
But how do I tell him?
The remainder of my time before our set was spent trying to think how I could get the words out. We were going to have a week before the next performance, maybe Tone and Mike will want to go out clubbing and home with a girl, and if I'm lucky I can get Jaime to stay back and talk. Well, it's the best plan I got.
[Jaime]
We left for the set, and I tried to pump myself up. Hopefully this concert would be enough of a distraction for me, because Lord knows that I need it. Vic kept staring at me in the car, and I avoided his stare. I just wanted to get to the venue and get it all over with. My head was pounding and my heart was thudding, and honestly the only cure was that rush.
--
I ran off stage once again sweaty and hyped up on my own adrenaline. My smile was the first one I'd warn since the last concert, and it felt great. I didn't think about Vic, or about my confusion or my self-injury. Just about those screaming kids. All that work left me exhausted.
"Hey, let's all go hit up the clubs!" Mike wanted to get this night going. We had time before the next performance in a few days, he was so ready to go. Tone quickly agreed, hoping to get lucky.
"I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight guys. I'm too exhausted." And I don't find those girls hot anymore..
"I'll stay back with you Jaime." My pulse started racing. No. I can't be alone with him. But I can't exactly tell him what to do, and I don't want to go out. Fuck.
"Okay. Let's start heading back." Could he hear my voice shake?
We began our long walk back to the bus in an awkward coupling. Went through the same routine of signing anything and smiling for pictures. When we finally made it back into our home on the road, I was twice as exhausted and ready to climb into my little nest and never come out. But of course...
"Jaime, can we talk?"No we can't
"Sure, what's on your mind?" We both slipped down to the ground and sat cross legged, facing each other.
"I need to talk about...us. And how I feel." You madethatpainfully clear when you were horrified that you had to kiss me.
"Look, Jaime. I have these...feelings for you. I think about you all the time, and I really like you. I mean, you're so adorable and cute and always bouncing off the walls! I love it. I don't know if you feel the same way, and if you don't that's fine. I just needed to get that off my chest."
My head began to swim. He likes me? Don't believe him. Why would he like you? Do you want him to like you? Yes.
"If you like me why didn't you even kiss me when we were playing truth or dare? You acted like I was the most unattractive thing you've ever seen."
"Jaime I was scared! How could I kiss you I didn't know how you felt about me, and I wasn't ready for all of that. I was afraid I wouldn't stop kissing you!" We both sat silent, staring into each other's eyes. His big, chocolate eyes full of the fear of rejection, and mine full of question.
Before I had time to think about my confusion-though I don't feel very confused anymore-, or stress about how much Vic likes me, even though now I believe he likes me very much; I started to close the distance between us. He was staring at my lips, and I was staring down at his. I could practically feel the softness of his bottom, pouty lip. And the taste of his mouth was dancing at the tip of my tongue. And then, Vic Fuentes and I gently molded to one another, and began to kiss.
I heard Jaime go back into the bathroom. I was too angry to see if HE was upset. Why wouldn't he just talk to me? Though our relationship crazy right now, he's still my best friend. I don't understand. I gripped my hair in my hands tightly and started to pace around the front of the bus, trying to figure things out. I don't know how to fix this, and our venue is coming up.Get it off your chest. Tell him, the worst he can say is 'No'. What am I supposed to say? Oh hey, by the way I'm gay, and in love with you. He's gonna think I'm some creep, or not be interested in the first place! But still, the way he looked at me this morning led me to think that just maybe there's more to his feelings that just friendship...
How can I tell him? I can't just leave us in this horrible limbo where we hardly speak to each other and fall into painful silences. This is my best friend, God damn it! And if he doesn't like me, he doesn't, and I can get all these pent up emotions out.
But how do I tell him?
The remainder of my time before our set was spent trying to think how I could get the words out. We were going to have a week before the next performance, maybe Tone and Mike will want to go out clubbing and home with a girl, and if I'm lucky I can get Jaime to stay back and talk. Well, it's the best plan I got.
[Jaime]
We left for the set, and I tried to pump myself up. Hopefully this concert would be enough of a distraction for me, because Lord knows that I need it. Vic kept staring at me in the car, and I avoided his stare. I just wanted to get to the venue and get it all over with. My head was pounding and my heart was thudding, and honestly the only cure was that rush.
--
I ran off stage once again sweaty and hyped up on my own adrenaline. My smile was the first one I'd warn since the last concert, and it felt great. I didn't think about Vic, or about my confusion or my self-injury. Just about those screaming kids. All that work left me exhausted.
"Hey, let's all go hit up the clubs!" Mike wanted to get this night going. We had time before the next performance in a few days, he was so ready to go. Tone quickly agreed, hoping to get lucky.
"I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight guys. I'm too exhausted." And I don't find those girls hot anymore..
"I'll stay back with you Jaime." My pulse started racing. No. I can't be alone with him. But I can't exactly tell him what to do, and I don't want to go out. Fuck.
"Okay. Let's start heading back." Could he hear my voice shake?
We began our long walk back to the bus in an awkward coupling. Went through the same routine of signing anything and smiling for pictures. When we finally made it back into our home on the road, I was twice as exhausted and ready to climb into my little nest and never come out. But of course...
"Jaime, can we talk?"No we can't
"Sure, what's on your mind?" We both slipped down to the ground and sat cross legged, facing each other.
"I need to talk about...us. And how I feel." You madethatpainfully clear when you were horrified that you had to kiss me.
"Look, Jaime. I have these...feelings for you. I think about you all the time, and I really like you. I mean, you're so adorable and cute and always bouncing off the walls! I love it. I don't know if you feel the same way, and if you don't that's fine. I just needed to get that off my chest."
My head began to swim. He likes me? Don't believe him. Why would he like you? Do you want him to like you? Yes.
"If you like me why didn't you even kiss me when we were playing truth or dare? You acted like I was the most unattractive thing you've ever seen."
"Jaime I was scared! How could I kiss you I didn't know how you felt about me, and I wasn't ready for all of that. I was afraid I wouldn't stop kissing you!" We both sat silent, staring into each other's eyes. His big, chocolate eyes full of the fear of rejection, and mine full of question.
Before I had time to think about my confusion-though I don't feel very confused anymore-, or stress about how much Vic likes me, even though now I believe he likes me very much; I started to close the distance between us. He was staring at my lips, and I was staring down at his. I could practically feel the softness of his bottom, pouty lip. And the taste of his mouth was dancing at the tip of my tongue. And then, Vic Fuentes and I gently molded to one another, and began to kiss.
♠ ♠ ♠
Ooof finally!