Synthetic Love

I did my best to calm Devin down, but I could tell he was still pissed about what Brodon had said. “You’ll be right there?” he asked again.

“Yes, I have Allie with me” I said, trying to reassure him. He still looked worried though, which I could understand. I just hoped nothing bad would happen. I watched Devin run onstage, taking his place with the others.

“How are you all doing tonight?” Chris asked the crowd. A lot of people screamed or cheered. “This song is for all the fuckers out there that bully, torment, harm or do anything hurtful to anyone just like that dumbass of a lead singer from that crappy band that fucking caused pain to his ex-girlfriend, don’t you EVER believe him” he said before starting Immaculate Misconception. Allie wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I was surprised by the number of people who cheered after Chris’s little speech, considering how many people cheered for Brodon. But it was nice feeling that so many people cared, even a little.

Halfway through the show, Allie ran to the restroom. “I’ll be fine here for a few minutes, I promise,” I told her. “The guys are right there. Nothing’s going to happen in the few minutes you’re going to be gone.” A minute later, I could sense someone standing behind me. It was too soon to be Allie, and she’d be standing next to me, not behind me. So would anyone from the other bands. That only left Brodon.

Before I could turn around, he grabbed my shoulder, somehow grabbing the same one he had earlier, pulling me against him. “I’m sure you’re new little boyfriend has already told you about what he did to me,” he whispered in my ear. “But you should know he’s only made things worse, not only for you, but for all of that fucking excuse for a boy band.” Really? A boy band? The Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync were boy bands. Motionless definitely wasn’t. They didn’t dance around with each other while singing their songs. Brodon jerked me out of my thoughts, shoving me aside before storming off. “Don’t forget what I said,” he said before disappearing behind some equipment.

I looked back towards the stage, where the guys were about to begin their last song. No one seemed fazed, or worried at all. How had they missed that? And for that matter, where the fuck was security? What were they getting paid for if they weren’t going to be doing their job? I guess it’s a little late to be worried about that now though. I rubbed my shoulder, hoping the pain would ease up. I hadn’t been in this much pain since I’d left my father’s place to move in with Brodon.

“You ok?” Allie asked.

I shook my head. “Brodon came by a few minutes ago.” Her face was a mixture of anger and shock. Before I could say more though, the guys joined us backstage.

“How did he get back here though? What did he do?” Allie asked quickly. The others knew instantly what she was talking about.

“He said Devin made things worse earlier,” I said quietly. “Not just for me, but for all of us.”

Devin wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. “Let him do what he wants. We’ll be ok,” he said. I hoped he was right. Allie and I helped pack up the equipment and merch table while the guys went out front to greet the fans. It was starting to snow again when we finally headed back to the bus as a group. Peace For Mind’s bus was gone, which was strange considering we had two days off before the next venue and everyone else had planned on staying here for at least one day. When we climbed onto our bus though, it became obvious why they’d left. The bus was trashed.

Balz and Ricky quickly checked the bus, making sure no one was hiding in there, while Chris and Ryan left to find out if anyone had seen anything, and find the driver. Devin, Angelo, Allie, and I began the cleanup. Fortunately, not much had been destroyed, other than a few pillows torn apart. The majority of the mess was picking things up off the floor and figuring out what belonged to who. Between all of us, the process went fairly quickly, with each of us taking a section to clean.

I didn’t pay much attention to what I had left to pick up. It was all trash anyways. Until I saw the small flash of light on the ground. The small, rectangular flash of light. I picked it up slowly, turning it over in my hands, listening as it called to me. Begged me to use it. Why not? Because I’d already caused enough trouble. I could leave tonight. I could leave the guys and Devin behind. Again. No, not again. I’d lost Devin, told him to forget about me, but after all this time, he still loves me. I can’t hurt him again. But this was why I’d left before. I didn’t want to be pitied, I didn’t want to need their protection. They should have forgotten about me. The razor was still calling my name. I couldn’t use it. But I couldn’t just put it in the trash, either.

“Anna?” I turned around, surprised I hadn’t heard Angelo come up behind me. “Please, don’t say you’re still doing that,” he begged.

I shook my head, holding it out to him. “I stopped, not long after I left Scranton. Even with all the shit that happened with my father, I made myself stop for Dev,” I said. “But the urge has always been there. I don’t want to go back to that, but I’m scared I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m scared it’s never going to go away.”

Angelo sighed. “You’ve made it this far. I’m fucking proud of you for it too. All of us are. I’ll finish up in here. Your boyfriend has something to show you.” I stood up, for the first time looking towards the door. Saw who was standing there. “Go in the back,” Angelo said. “I finished cleaning it up.”

Without a word, Devin took my hand, leading me to the back. How much of what I’d told Angelo did he hear? I took a seat on the couch while he closed the door as best he could, considering one of the hinges was now busted. Hope this bus wasn’t a rental. Otherwise, we’re not getting the security deposit back. ”Anna, I didn’t think I could love you any more than I did, but now…” he trailed off, eyes shining. He’d never looked so happy.

“I’m assuming you heard all of it then?” I asked.

Devin nodded. “I don’t know what happened with your father, but you stopped, for me. I always hoped you’d come back. I couldn’t forget about you, ever. It killed me when you left. I went to the park every day, hoping you’d be there waiting. Or you’d magically pop out of the ground like a zombie.” He reached into his pocket, pulling something small out. Paper. He handed it to me to unfold. It was the letter I’d left on the bench. The creases were nearly worn through, from being opened and refolded so many times. “It was all I had left of you,” he said quietly. “I thought about keeping your phone too, but Balz convinced me that would be kind of stalker-ish.”

“I wanted to go back to Scranton, but I was afraid of what I’d find. I was afraid you would have forgotten about me, like I told you to. I didn’t want to come back and find you with someone else. But, it doesn’t matter now. We’re together again, and I promise I’m never leaving you again if I have any say in it.”

“When wouldn’t you have any say in it?” Devin asked.

“From what I’ve heard, aliens don’t typically ask permission before beaming people up into the ship for study,” I replied, grinning. Things were good at this moment. We’d figure out what to do about Brodon later. But for now, I just wanted to sit here and enjoy being myself again with the guy I loved.