Unprecedented

I promised myself last night to be depressed and gloomy today. Unfortunately, Jayla and her hilarious giant sketch got through me. Thus, I ended up having my normal, less-than-eventful day. I wanted M to ask me what was going on, to make me fell like he cared, but apparently it wasn't destined. Sadly, his neck went to K instead.

Today, we would have our final PE high school game of our entire lives. Not that it actually mattered, since I suck at PE classes, but people were getting sentimental and all. And well, oh, well, as fate would have it, my last ever high school PE game would be against M's group. They were the defending champions. I was scared, and surprised that my emotions were actually participating during PE. I was the defender (the one who gets to move the least and is the least important according to R's tactics, 2012), so every time M tries to shoot I block him. Without hesitation. Without reservation. I know, I know. I'm a shame to the Women's Society. But fuck, I don't know what hit me. Am I really a flirt by heart?

Anyways, (so sorry I'm really sabaw rn) the time came when M got really pissed na with me (I think) and my dirty antics, so he decided to go through with his shot, full force. And because I am such a sad, sad chick, I did not give up my territory. So he pushed against me. And he nearly broke my arm. And my boob. And I was fouled. Sorry.

After he calmed down after the game, M apologized to me. I was hoping for a (friendly!) hug, but no such luck. A girl can dream, eh? But err... I kinda did something foolish during our Chem period. I told (hinted, but he's smart, so he'd figure that one out) him that I broke up with D, so now his eyes widen like "Oh my gosh what the hell were you thinking" and he'd piece everything together na. My endless flirtings with him, the way I discreetly slide my chair closer to him, (Oh my gosh I have realized just now what a whore I had become. Such a shame!)all those stuff. I thought it would be a good idea that time, because I thought that if he'd know, he'd get the hint and maybe try liking me back, since nothing's blocking his way. I eliminated his rival already, so what keeps him from pursuing me? Right? Wrong. SO fucking wrong. I can now see how foolish my actions were, and he's probably thinking what a flirt I am. I mean, M is a very decent and virtuous young man, so he'd never want to be with me. I just messed my whole life up. So now I think I've lost another friend due to my raging hormones. Fuck. How to live (creys).

Err, I really do not know what is happening with our research, but I hope it's gonna work out soon. I have to get high honors, you know. And research is really hindering me from reaching my goals. I hope we get approved na. Please please please please!