A Taste of Sadness
The after
"Lizzy are you sure you'll be alright here alone? Don't you want to come to the party with us?" My mothers voice floated through the door, which she had left open again.
"No I'm alright. I just want to stay home tonight." I answered brushing off the invitation.
"Alright we'll be home at ten. If you feel like going out I won't tell your father." She said as she walked out into the living room.
My mom was dressed for the occasion wearing her favorite red dress. It was made to fit the curves of her body, the shining red material seeming to flow on her like water. Her makeup as always was perfect. My mom would most certainly be the center of attention at the party. I would have been the same if I even went to any parties anymore.
"Okay have fun."
She blew me a kiss as my father stepped out of their bedroom. He had her coat in his hands and as they walked out the door he settled it around her shoulders while placing a small kiss on her cheek. Even after being together for over twenty years they acted as if they were still newly weds. I was glad when they were gone. Seeing them brought back painful memories.
A year ago they would have been the ones who watched me go off to be the life of some party. I was pretty. I had enough money to get anything I wanted. And I had someone to share it all with. When I was at a party everyone knew it was the place to be. Yup, that was me social queen. No one ever told me that it could change in the course of a single night.
"Stop thinking about it." I ordered myself pushing the memories away.
Getting up I walked into the kitchen as I flipped the TV on. It showed times square as people anxiously waited for the ball to drop on the new year. When it did the usual things would happen, people would get drunk, balloons would fill the air, and everyone would make resolutions they wouldn't keep. I shook my head at the thought and poured myself a small glass of wine from my parents store. They didn't mind as long as I saved enough for them.
Taking it back over to the couch I sat down and flipped through the commercials that were on. Most were trying to get girls my age to buy something or make us feel bad. I settled on a Christmas rerun that was playing. It was one of those movies where the girl falls in love but they are kept apart till the end of the movie. I hated movies like that but i couldn't bear to turn it off.
"Come away with me. We don't have to stay here." The guy on screen was saying to the girl.
"I can't." The girl answered before running off leaving the guy standing their looking dumbfounded.
I took a drink of the wine then set the glass down and pulled a pillow onto my lap. Those memories were trying to push their way up again but I kept them down. I just didn't want to think about that night. In the end it didn't seem I had a choice.
It was new years. I was at a party playing the social butterfly while everyone around me was getting drunk on the wine some kid had stolen from their parents. Always by my side was my boyfriend, James. He was the entire reason I could play the social butterfly. I knew that when the time came he would be there to bring me back down to earth. Other people always thought it was strange I went out with him, he was a no - party kind of guy. He studied, he got good grades, and he still had his braces. But I didn't care, to me he was the world.
"Stop it!" I said smacking myself in the head.
I didn't want to think about it. The night. The party. James. It was all something that I wanted to shove in a box and lock away. Standing up I walked into my room and sat down on the floor as cheesy Christmas music filled the house. Something was sticking into my thigh as I sat there and I knew what it was. It was the reason I'd come in here in the first place. I wanted to see him again. Giving up I pulled out the box that held everything I had tried to tuck away and took it back into the living room.
Written across the top in my cursive was : James's things.
My hands shook as I opened it and pulled the things out one after another. A photo album of the summer we met and everything after that, a teddy bear he'd won for me, a box I had never opened, and buried down in the bottom a letter he'd sent me. The girl on screen was riding the train thinking about the man she had turned away from. In a way I was doing the same.
I pulled the letter into my lap and started to open it. I had read the words a thousand times but it always felt like the first.
Dear Lizzy,
I know you might not remember me. We met at that fair awhile back. Ever since I saw you smile for the first time I've been thinking about you. I know there is no way I would ever have a chance with someone as beautiful as you but I had to try. If you get this I'll be waiting by the fountain in central park. I hope I see you there.
-James
It was the letter he'd sent me after we'd met. It was the reason I had gone in the first place. And it was also the reason why my heart was breaking all over again. That night at the party for the first time he got drunk. He told me he couldn't drive but he would walk me home. Full of wine both of us were giddy, we never saw the man, we never saw the knife. In the end James died. The ambulance had gotten there too late. And right before my eyes I had watched the only person I knew I would love die because I had dragged him to a party he didn't want to go to.
"I'll always love you." The man on screen was saying.
"And I'll always love you." The girl told him back before they kissed.
I hated the people on the screen. They were actors. But still no matter how many times the movie played, in the end they were still in love. It broke my heart watching it. My life was no movie. So I got no happy ending.
"No I'm alright. I just want to stay home tonight." I answered brushing off the invitation.
"Alright we'll be home at ten. If you feel like going out I won't tell your father." She said as she walked out into the living room.
My mom was dressed for the occasion wearing her favorite red dress. It was made to fit the curves of her body, the shining red material seeming to flow on her like water. Her makeup as always was perfect. My mom would most certainly be the center of attention at the party. I would have been the same if I even went to any parties anymore.
"Okay have fun."
She blew me a kiss as my father stepped out of their bedroom. He had her coat in his hands and as they walked out the door he settled it around her shoulders while placing a small kiss on her cheek. Even after being together for over twenty years they acted as if they were still newly weds. I was glad when they were gone. Seeing them brought back painful memories.
A year ago they would have been the ones who watched me go off to be the life of some party. I was pretty. I had enough money to get anything I wanted. And I had someone to share it all with. When I was at a party everyone knew it was the place to be. Yup, that was me social queen. No one ever told me that it could change in the course of a single night.
"Stop thinking about it." I ordered myself pushing the memories away.
Getting up I walked into the kitchen as I flipped the TV on. It showed times square as people anxiously waited for the ball to drop on the new year. When it did the usual things would happen, people would get drunk, balloons would fill the air, and everyone would make resolutions they wouldn't keep. I shook my head at the thought and poured myself a small glass of wine from my parents store. They didn't mind as long as I saved enough for them.
Taking it back over to the couch I sat down and flipped through the commercials that were on. Most were trying to get girls my age to buy something or make us feel bad. I settled on a Christmas rerun that was playing. It was one of those movies where the girl falls in love but they are kept apart till the end of the movie. I hated movies like that but i couldn't bear to turn it off.
"Come away with me. We don't have to stay here." The guy on screen was saying to the girl.
"I can't." The girl answered before running off leaving the guy standing their looking dumbfounded.
I took a drink of the wine then set the glass down and pulled a pillow onto my lap. Those memories were trying to push their way up again but I kept them down. I just didn't want to think about that night. In the end it didn't seem I had a choice.
It was new years. I was at a party playing the social butterfly while everyone around me was getting drunk on the wine some kid had stolen from their parents. Always by my side was my boyfriend, James. He was the entire reason I could play the social butterfly. I knew that when the time came he would be there to bring me back down to earth. Other people always thought it was strange I went out with him, he was a no - party kind of guy. He studied, he got good grades, and he still had his braces. But I didn't care, to me he was the world.
"Stop it!" I said smacking myself in the head.
I didn't want to think about it. The night. The party. James. It was all something that I wanted to shove in a box and lock away. Standing up I walked into my room and sat down on the floor as cheesy Christmas music filled the house. Something was sticking into my thigh as I sat there and I knew what it was. It was the reason I'd come in here in the first place. I wanted to see him again. Giving up I pulled out the box that held everything I had tried to tuck away and took it back into the living room.
Written across the top in my cursive was : James's things.
My hands shook as I opened it and pulled the things out one after another. A photo album of the summer we met and everything after that, a teddy bear he'd won for me, a box I had never opened, and buried down in the bottom a letter he'd sent me. The girl on screen was riding the train thinking about the man she had turned away from. In a way I was doing the same.
I pulled the letter into my lap and started to open it. I had read the words a thousand times but it always felt like the first.
Dear Lizzy,
I know you might not remember me. We met at that fair awhile back. Ever since I saw you smile for the first time I've been thinking about you. I know there is no way I would ever have a chance with someone as beautiful as you but I had to try. If you get this I'll be waiting by the fountain in central park. I hope I see you there.
-James
It was the letter he'd sent me after we'd met. It was the reason I had gone in the first place. And it was also the reason why my heart was breaking all over again. That night at the party for the first time he got drunk. He told me he couldn't drive but he would walk me home. Full of wine both of us were giddy, we never saw the man, we never saw the knife. In the end James died. The ambulance had gotten there too late. And right before my eyes I had watched the only person I knew I would love die because I had dragged him to a party he didn't want to go to.
"I'll always love you." The man on screen was saying.
"And I'll always love you." The girl told him back before they kissed.
I hated the people on the screen. They were actors. But still no matter how many times the movie played, in the end they were still in love. It broke my heart watching it. My life was no movie. So I got no happy ending.