Two Hundred and Thirty

It wasn’t until that point, when his eyes were all I could see and his short, breathless words, all I could hear, that I realised that I cared. I cared about what he was thinking, I cared about what had gone on in the past, I cared about what happened at the restaurant and I cared that he looked so exhausted all the time. He didn’t know it, and neither did I until that very second.

I watched intently as his lips parted slightly as he turned to face the water again, and without conscious consent from myself, my head ached with the need to know what he was thinking.

“Are you alright?” I murmured, not being aware that I’d decided to speak.

A tight smile grew across his face, a fake smile, the kind that only exists when you want to hide the fact that really, you’re not up for smiling at all.

“I’m fine,” he nodded with dull expression, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

The ache spread down my neck and through my arms making my muscles weak.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.” I shrugged.

He chuckled lightly, “Raina, can you do me a favour?”

I think I tried to nod or give some indication that the answer was yes, but my mind caved in on its self in unison with the cold fire that ignited in my veins. When I was younger, I hated my name. The other kids would taunt me, saying that whenever it rained, it was my fault and made petty jokes that would only ever bother a seven year old. But it stuck with me, the firmly implanted fact that my name was stupid. Yet stumbling off this man’s tongue, delicate and precise, a language all on its own, he made it beautiful to me.

“Sure.” I croaked.

His back uncoiled at my words and he turned to face me once again, this time with the slowly sinking sunlight reflecting in this pupils.

“Can- - I don’t- -“ He momentarily screwed his hands together, watching them before flicking his eyes to meet mine. “You were the only person in this town that didn’t know shit about me, that didn’t feel the need to know shit about me. Usually, I can’t walk down the street without hearing my name in conversation or people doing double takes and whispering stuff to their friends… the only time I’m actually positively recognised is by girls in bars. I just- I’ve never come across anyone that treats me normal, when you’re around, it’s like nothing ever happened. And it just- it makes me feel-“ He hesitated, “-better.”

There was a pause that I didn’t want to fill, even if I did know what would be appropriate to say. I needed it though, I needed the time to gather it all, take in what I’d just heard before he carried on.
“Could you just be that for me, be the one person that doesn’t constantly ask me how I am… just- just be normal with me?”

It might have been the exhaustion in his words and in his eyes that made me reply so quickly.

“Of course.”

…

We stayed up there on the ledge for a half hour at the most, talking about bands we’d seen live and bands we’d kill to see live, finally agreeing that I had the upper hand when it came to concert attendances. We drifted in and out of conversation, sometimes taking a few seconds to watch the guys and maybe just look at the sun in front of us and for the first time, I didn’t feel a constant presence of intensity when in his company.

He was halfway through a grunt of envy as I told him that I’d seen Death Cab twice when the guys all suddenly bounded out of the water. We both snapped our gazes towards them, their soaked bodies glistening under the white light.

“Kenny’s just put the food out.” John stated, although neither of us could see if what he said was true.

I nodded though, knowing that that was most likely the common reaction when the food came out.

“If you want to eat we should go down before it all goes… I mean, I’m alright- we can sta- I’m not too hungry so- it’s up to you.” He stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

A wave washed over me, a smirk bleeding its way onto my lips.

“We should go.”

He nodded, taking one last glance over the water before standing up and brushing the sand of his hands. I lifted my legs off the ledge, placing my palms on the warm dirt… if I were to slip even slightly, I would have fallen and been smashed to pieces on the rocks below. But just as I started to lift myself, John offered his hand out for me to take. His hand was cool compared to the air around us, acting as a relief when he pulled me up.

“Thanks.” I smiled, making brief eye contact before glancing to my feet and pulling the towel tighter around me.

He led the way down the path off the ledge, elaborating on the time he saw Tom Petty live, knocking branches out of the way with his hands. I couldn’t help but watch as the muscles in his back flexed and contracted in ripples and waves whenever he moved.

“You know, I think I almost cried when they played Free Fallin’, actually, I think I did cry.”

“I can’t blame you, I cry listening to live versions on my ipod.” We both laughed, birds in the tress above our heads darted off into the sky.

Without deliberately meaning to, I started to hobble over the rough, sharp stoned terrain that before, didn’t bother me at all. My mind was so occupied with the panic of finding him that I didn’t even notice the malicious rocks that where jutting at my feet. John carried on explaining the experience, the vibrancy of his skin mirroring the excitement in his words.

I barely pulled my eyes off the floor, trying to dodge the sharpest stones, so much so that I began to trail behind. I tried my best to quicken my pace but whenever I did, a shooting pain scolded me.

“What are you doing?” He chuckled.

I rapidly averted my eyes from the floor to his face, where he stood a good distance in front of me, ink stained skin on full display.

“Nothing.” I smiled, moving forward towards him as normally as I could.

His brow raised slightly as I got closer, his skin the colour of the leaves on the trees in autumn.

“Your feet hurt don’t they?” He smirked, his squint causing the green of his eyes to become even more prominent against his skin.

“No,” I laughed, placing a palm against his bicep to turn him around, “Keep going.”

But he was stone. Hot, charged stone that had been basking in the sun for days on end, I removed my hand, the heat becoming too much to be comfortable. In an attempt to avoid the harsh glare burning down on me, I stared at my toes, instantly flashing them up again at the sight of red between the sand and the side of my left foot.

“Come on,” he said, shifting his body with a sudden energy, “On my back.”

An ice cold chill swam down my throat, “No, it’s fine. I’m fine. Come on.” I tried to carry on, the fabric of the towel around my shoulders brushing against his chest.

That was when he began to laugh, much louder than before, almost as powerful as this morning on the balcony. The same effect applied, it was as if the trees began to shake, that a much needed breeze came in from the East.

“You’re crazy, actually crazy.”

I couldn’t fight it, there was no use at all in trying. A knowing smirk emerged onto my face as I turned around to see him, even taller than usual, now being on the slight incline. He looked natural, even though really, he shouldn’t have been at all, with his tattoos that I hadn’t had chance to read yet, the gaudy purple of his baseball cap that offended the auburn of the trees. He complimented it all, in a way that anyone else would have offended.

Like a scolded child, I plodded forward, wincing behind my eyes at the pain until John lunged forward to meet me. His lips pulled tight into a curl, gently laughing at my misfortune.

He lowered himself slightly towards the sand, cupping my calves in his hands as I tried to be as graceful as possible. I made sure that the towel was firmly pinned around my shoulders, against his back. Effortlessly, he jerked me up so that he was comfortable, re-positioning his elbows round the backs of my knees before trotting on as if, if anything, the weight he was carrying was lighter than before.

“So, Rae, what are you doing this evening?” He chirped.

My chest sank, so much that I feared John would feel it in his back; I’d completely forgotten.

“I have a date.” I stated.

“I see,” He said, “the same guy from the restaurant, second chances?”

“Yeah. He invited me to meet him and will be waiting, clever of him actually because that way, if I don’t go, I will be plagued with the guilt of him sitting there all alone. The troubled artist waiting for a girl that isn’t coming, how miserable.”

“You should stand him up, that way he’ll have something to express into art.” We both laughed.

“I would have accidentally stood him up if you hadn’t have reminded me by asking what I was doing tonight.” I loosened the lock that my hands had made together, looped around his shoulders.

“Well, that is tragically ironic on my part.” He chuckled and I felt it through my chest.

“Go on…” I said through a smirk.

“See, I was going to ask you if you’d like to see my friend’s band tonight with all of us. But in me asking, I deterred you from attending.” He slowed his pace as we came to the fork in the path.

“Would I like this band?”

“I’ll play you their CD whilst I’m driving you to meet your date.” We both laughed again.

“Alright.” I sighed.

It didn’t take long before the smoky, thick smell of the fire began to waft around me. I looked to the floor, recalling that at about this point, the soft sand from the bank trailed up the path, covering over any stones, I could have gotten down now and walked myself, but I didn’t say anything.

As we emerged into the open, a nagging need to retreat back to where things were quieter, more personal, less complicated, overwhelmed me. John jerked me up again, something that he’d done numerous times on the walk, but this time, he bounded forward into a sprint, earning a yelp of shock from the pit of my stomach. His laugh was deep and hollow, especially in comparison to my high pitched yelling that implied the terror I felt in this.

Finally, we reached the group and he obnoxiously let go of my legs without warning, letting me drop to the floor. I narrowed my eyes at him as he walked over to the cool box to get a beer with a devilish grin on his face. Turning to the group, I noticed Jared and Garrett give each other a look before glancing over to John and then to me, smiling when they made eye contact. I tossed sand in their direction with a quick flick of my foot before finding my bag and shrugging my shirt over my head.