Two Hundred and Thirty

I didn’t want him to come back. A good night’s sleep and a gush of air in my face helped me realize that. Sometimes I’d get lonely here, I mean, I had Lucy, but she was pretty much it. Back home I lived with my parents and my three brothers; you were never alone. But here, I was on my own more often than I was with people. I didn’t want John to stay. I wanted anyone to.

I slipped a fresh hoodie over my head and dragged my feet across the hardwood floor until I reached the kitchen. In routine, I reached for a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee before cracking open the window on my way to sit at the table. It was only when I took my first sip that I realized. Something felt strange; the kindof strange feeling you get when you accidently put your shirt on in-side-out. I glanced at the clock next to the window. John wasn’t playing. I cradled the coffee cup in my palms. He should have been playing.

It isn’t normal to be so used to it, to the extent to where I’d notice it when it wasn’t there. It even felt creepy now, because he wasn’t a stranger anymore, I knew this man and he knew me. I took another sip and came to the conclusion that I needed to break the habit of cracking open that window every morning.

I spent the next few hours pottering about in my hoodie and joggers with my hair tied up loosely in a bun. I didn’t have any real intention of leaving the comforts of my apartment at all. But as usual, my plans of painting all day got disturbed by Lucy. I knew it couldn’t have been anyone else when I heard frantic knocking on my door.

“Alright, alright!” I yelled as I made my way to the door.

I unlocked it and Lucy stood before me. She wore a tight red dress with outrageously high black heels and the remains of the previous night’s make-up on her face to finish off her look.

“What the hell?” I shook my head as she walked past me in through the door.

She had a huge grin on her face “Guess where I’ve been?” Her voice was groggy.

“I know it involved alcohol wherever it was” I laughed, shutting the door and clearing some magazines off the table.

“Yeah well- it was Carly’s birthday remember?”

Carly was a girl Lucy had been friends with for years and I guess we could have been classed as acquaintances. She told Lucy that I could come along to the bar with them as there was a large group of them going, but I declined.

“Oh yeah- go on, please tell me why you’re turning up at my place like this” I began to stack some books on the shelf.

“I had a lovely evening with your neighbour” I dropped one of the books on the floor.

“John?!” I raised my voice more than I should have “Are you serious?! He’s an idot-“

“Chill Rae, it’s no big deal-“ She sat on the arm of the couch and faced me.

“It is a big deal!”

“It really isn’t, he has a different girl round there every night!” She shook her head “Besides- don’t be criticizing me because I know he was round here”

“What?” I could feel the frown lines develop between my eyebrows.

“Yeah- he told me he came round here to help you with your paintings or something- are you seriously going to try to tell me that nothing happened?” She laughed, taking this lightly like one of our debates over who gets the last slice of pizza.

“Yes I am! Nothing happened! I have more respect for myself than that-“

“Oh!” She paused for a longer time than was comfortable “So now I’m a whore and a slut who has zero self-respect?” She began to raise her voice.

“No! I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant- I mean- you even said it yourself, he sleeps around and has no respect for women- you’re better than that Luce” I softened my tone in hope of preventing an argument.

She looked psychotic almost.

“But what if I’m not Rae?!” She stood up in fury “I don’t want to be better than that. I like it! I like sleeping with hot guys and having them lie to me and tell me they like me, I fucking like it because it’s fun! It’s unrealistic to ever find a guy who actually likes a girl for who they are and not their ass. So I’m being realistic! And the reality is that the only thing you can do in life is have fun!” Her face went an awful shade of red. She was pissed.

By this point she’d already stormed over to the door.

“Call me when you’ve lightened up and learnt to have fun, yeah?” Her voice has returned to its normal tone.

And with a slam of the door- I was alone again.

I could have blamed myself. For the poor choice of words and maybe, possibly being too uptight for my age. But no, I decided to blame the only person I could; John. Lucy and I had never argued like that before until he came into our lives. After all, he was the reason behind the argument in the first place.
Just like the music, it wasn’t his fault, it’s just what he did, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to scream in his face. He slept with any woman available, including my best friend. That’s why he wasn’t playing this morning, because he was too busy. The only decent side to him was replaced and overshadowed by the vile side.

I dried my eyes with the back of my hand and plodded over to the calendar in the kitchen, I didn’t even notice that I’d been crying. I gripped the pen that hung from a string next to it and crossed off another day: 29 Days.

I’d be away from all of this in 29 days, a place where I wasn’t happy and where everything was starting to crumble around me.

…

I tried my hardest to paint, but I couldn’t.

All I could think about was Lucy. We couldn’t afford to get like this with such little time we had. My eyes darted to the stack of magazines that I’d moved onto the counter earlier. I needed to make it up to her, regardless of whether I agreed with what she did or not. Lucy was the only person I’d immediately want to make-up with after an argument, with my friends in the UK, it’d sometimes be left up in the air for weeks.

I hurried into my bedroom and began to get myself dressed. And I was in the car park within fifteen minutes of making my rash decision; my hair was still scruffily tangled in a bun. The door to my murky green car groaned as I yanked it open- I’d be lying if I said I cared that it wasn’t much to look at.

As I drove along the wide roads, I began to remember how different roads in the UK are. Cramped and dark. Even when there are a hundred cars on the roads over here, you still feel like you have room to breathe. Plus, the views, even just on the route to the mall were spectacular with the backdrop of the desert and random inserts of wilderness between buildings. That’s another thing I’d miss about Arizona; the driving, the vastness, the feeling.

I pulled up in a parking space after battling with many other people in the race to find a space before they did. I locked my car (as if someone would steal it) and felt like prey out in the open to a hawk as the sun started to scorch my back. I scurried as fast as I could into the mall.

See, being British, the sun and I don’t get on too well. The second I stepped out of that airport when I first arrived, I could feel the tingles in my cheeks as my freckles blossomed. And there wasn’t a sun lotion strong enough to keep my pathetic pale skin from getting destroyed.

I made my way past numerous stores before going into the store with the giant cosmetics counter. There was this particular shade of lipstick that Lucy had seen in one of the magazines she’d been flicking through in my apartment. The lady who served me tried to sell me foundation and mascara and everything thing else under she had on the counter, to the point where I came close to stealing the God damn lipstick just to get away from her.

I sighed heavily to myself as I emerged from the store and back into the mail mall. I hated this place so quickly headed straight back down the length of the building to the exit. I had no intention of stopping for anything when-

“Raina!” I recognised the voice of my Art teacher straight away.

I stopped, realizing how fast I must have been walking.

“Hi, Mr Hanley” I smiled.

“Oh please, call me Marcus, I don’t teach you anymore” I felt slightly embarrassed.

“How are you?” I smiled again. Lucy was right- he wasn’t half bad looking.

“I’m good, how about yourself, you been shopping?” He glanced down at the bag in my hand whilst he pushed back his dark hair.

“Oh yeah- it’s not for me actually” I was nervous, why was I nervous? “A gift”

“Nice” He nodded “Well, I’m glad I ran into you, I don’t know whether you’re aware but I hold an art class for juniors down at the community center- how about you come down?”

“Oh, uh-“

“You don’t have to obviously-“ His eyes grew wider to emphasize what he was saying.

“No, yeah, I’d be happy to” I nodded too much.

“Awesome, it’s tomorrow night so just be there for like five” He yells slightly as he walks away.

I rushed back to my car and sank into the driver’s seat. Did I really just accept to tutor kids in Art because my attractive ex-teacher would be there?