Just Don't Collapse

River’s POV

I sighed when I heard the bell ringing signaling the end of the week. Fridays, I hate Fridays with a passion now a-days. I have to spend two days staring at a wall because I sold all my furniture to survive. Well not all of my furniture, I still have: a fridge, a stove, one bed (which used to be mum’s till she left), my guitar and that is about it. But its okay, I don’t need anything else to survive so I’m happy with what I have.

“Hey you gonna get out of here already? The bell rang like seven minutes ago and you’ve just been sitting there like a retard staring into space,” the teacher snapped at me. She really needs to learn to control her mouth because the things she says are just offensive and rude.

“Well madam, first off I think it would be a lot better for you if you didn’t use words such as ‘retarded’ to insult people or things, it’s just rude. Obviously your mum needs to teach you a thing or two about manners. And yes I shall be off now,” I smirked at her before slinging my bag over my shoulder and gliding off.

“That’s one week of detention Mr. Jacobs, and if you don’t show up then its suspension, understand? I suggest you watch your mouth next time or the consequences will be much worse.” She told me while smiling sweetly; I rolled my eyes in annoyance. One of these days I will expose her to the school board and she will be fired. The only reason no one had reported her already is because she sleeps with half the teachers at the school and a few students as well so no one wants to… (Shudder). I stared at her, and took in her features. How strange, how one person can be so beautiful, yet so ugly at the same time. Because she really was beautiful, however her obviously fake breasts were one quality not so beautiful. At least not to me…

“Fine by me Madam. I have been quite busy after school because of my terrible habit of not being able to say no to friends and boys who wish to be in my presence. This is also a great opportunity to get to work on the project you assigned us!” I said with a large smile and a hand on my hip. I gave her a thumb up and saw her smile twitch which only made mine grow wider. I swear I heard her whisper ‘fag’ before I skipped off which made me burst into laughter. She hates me and my sexual orientation with a passion that I cannot explain. I may have an idea of course, of just why she dislikes me. She randomly preaches to people about what is right or wrong in religious matters and though she has never lectured me about being gay, I can tell she detests it. Ah well, what can you do haha?

I guess despite it being a Friday the weather was nice, the sun was warming my back as I stepped outside and decided what to do. I could go home, but really there would be no point in just going to an empty building and doing nothing. Hmm...What to do, what to do?

Oh my gosh it’s Chason Moore!!! I quickly snapped out of my thoughts and pulled a random book out of my messenger bag. It turned out to be my journal, or I guess you could call it a diary. My entire life is in this thing and if I were to lose it…I don’t know what would happen. I silently cursed fate for making me pull out this particular notebook because I didn’t really want to chance anyone looking into it. But I needed some way to appear busy.

I pretended to be writing in the notebook as he passed but secretly I was just observing him from the corner of my eye. He really is beautiful…

“H-hi Chason,” I said softly. My voice sort of drifted off at the end because in the middle of my sentence I realized that I did not really want to be talking at all and bringing too much attention to myself. I didn’t really expect him to hear me as I called out his name but somehow the tall boy did and he turned to me just slightly but not breaking his pace away from me.

“Uh, hi,” he said with a small confused smile before turning away. I sighed in disappointment as I watched him walk away to meet up with his friends.

When will he notice me? I thought to myself before walking away from the school. Well, I brightened; at least he doesn’t notice me in a negative way and beat me up like all the other students here. I looked at all the kids around the front of the school, getting into their cars or talking with friends and frowned.

I try my hardest to never complain and to be grateful for what I have in life. The only thing I really wish for is, a friend. But I know that isn’t likely to happen because no one really likes my company. But it’s okay because friends can also distract you and hurt you. Besides it’s not like life will always be like this, it will get better…that’s what my mom used to say. Before she left me that is, now she doesn’t talk to me heh.

She used to say the greatest things, but the one thing that she said that I always live by is: Whatever life throws at you, stay strong and just don’t collapse. It’s an amazing quote and I always remember it when I’m too busy being upset to do anything else.

I guess just a simple walk will be okay…I started in the direction of a café that I enjoy sitting at sometimes. It’s warm and there always seems to be cute guys to stare at. I was feeling lazy and in need of some good eye-candy. And yes before you ask I am an incredibly creepy guy. I finally arrived and once I entered I was greeted with casual music, and a cozy atmosphere. I was a tad disappointed to see that I was one of the only ones here. It’s sometimes nice to talk to customers and pretend I have a friend even if only for a few minutes. I walked up to the counter, happy that I made a bit of extra change while playing at the mall a few days ago.

Playing my guitar that is haha. I wish I could get myself a job, but then they might ask about my mother, then I would have to explain that she left and then things would just get messy. I don’t want messy, I want quickly and conveniently making a living and at the moment playing my guitar is really the only way to do that. It’s a good thing that I only have one person to feed, so I can have a bit more.

I sat down with a small hot-chocolate and stared out the window. As I stared I noticed someone familiar walking up with their friends. It was Chason; he was coming into THIS café!!! Oh my god this is crazy, I hope he notices me…no wait on second thought I hope he doesn’t. Maybe if I just keep my head low…

“Oh hey look, I saw him earlier at school. Funny,” I heard him say to his friends but I didn’t turn around. I felt their eyes on me, my cheeks were heating up and my heart was racing. It’s probably funny to you how freaked out I’m getting over a simple guy. Well the thing is, he isn’t just some guy, he’s the guy who I’ve been in love with since we were children.

Back then he was kind, and sweet. He used to make you feel like you were the most important person in the world just by looking at you. He would smile kindly, and ask you how you were or what was going on at the moment and in your life. And when you told him he would listen and ask questions as though he was genuinely interested in your life. He would say little cute statements to make you laugh and smile, and if you were feeling down he would always give you these little pep talks to cheer you up. I guess it was his amazing personality and charm that made people like him.

As happy as I was for Chason it still hurt me every time I saw him treat a friend with the kindness he used to use on me. I don’t even understand what happened to our friend ship. One moment we were friends and then the next moment we weren't.

I said I was hurt when I saw him treat others with kindness, well hurt isn’t entirely the right word. The right word is jealous, because now he so rarely displays kindness and affection to people that when he does, you know they’re special. His friends changed him. His power and climb to the top of the social pyramid made him a completely different person from who he was.

Chason was no longer this sweet boy who cared about you as a person, he turned into this average boy who, if he cared about you did not show it. He didn’t really seem to have that: everything is perfect attitude about him anymore, and I missed it. I missed him in all honesty.

I came back to my senses only to notice that Chason and his friends had already gotten their stuff and left, and I was still as lonely as before. I sighed, picked myself up from my seat and walked out of the café, the little bell on the door ringing as I left. Story of my life.